Madness
by JaninaM8
Summary: This starts when Loki, Jane, and Thor are kids and then goes to when they are adults. It explores the relationship between the three, namely between Loki and Jane as this is a Lokane fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

**It's possible I am insane. No, no, I am. BUT, I have been working on this behind the scenes for a while. I have about 5 chapters written of it and so many ideas of what I want to happen. So...here we go...**

**Chapter One**

**Cambridge, Massachusetts 1985**

"Jane, sweetie, this is Loki and Thor."

Jane Foster, at eight years old looked at the two boys her Aunt Carol was introducing her to. One had blond hair and blue eyes and was smiling at her and the other had black hair and blue eyes and looked mistrustful of her.

She held out her hand the way she always saw her Uncle Erik do to new people and said, "Hello, I'm Jane Foster."

The boy with the blond hair was the one that shook her hand and said, "I'm Thor Odinson. Nice to meet you, Jane Foster."

When he released her hand, Jane looked at Loki and held out her hand. "Hello, I'm—"

"Jane Foster," he said. "I know." He looked down at her hand as though it had cooties and Jane frowned and dropped her hand. She knew it then: she didn't like Loki.

"Loki," Frigga Odinson, his mother, said with a hint of warning in her voice. "Be nice."

He sighed and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you," he said.

Jane didn't want to take his hand and it was only when Aunt Carol nudged her that she did. His hand was cold, not warm like Thor's, and he didn't grasp her hand. He held it limply. She barely shook it and then dropped it almost immediately.

"Play nice, you three," Frigga said. "Mrs. Selvig and I are going to have some tea."

"Do you like He-Man?" Thor asked Jane as Mrs. Selvig and Aunt Carol left them alone in the Odinson's giant living room. Everything was made of glass and the furniture didn't look like anyone sat in it. Aunt Carol had told her not to touch anything and quite frankly, Jane was afraid to even move in the room for fear she'd break something.

She was intrigued though, by Thor's question. She liked He-Man, but she loved She-Ra. "I do," she said. "But I like She-Ra best."

"That's because you're a girl," Loki said. He made it sound as though there was something wrong with that.

"Girls need role models, too," Jane told him. It was something she'd heard her Aunt Carol say. "Who do you like? Skeletor?"

Thor laughed. "He does! I always make him be Skeletor when we play He-Man!"

Loki scowled at Thor while Jane smiled at him.

"Do you want to play He-Man?" Thor asked her. "I have Castle Grayskull and all the characters. I don't have any She-Ra, but I do have Teela. Do you want to be Teela?"

Jane nodded eagerly and beamed at Thor. "Yes, I do!"

"Follow me!" Thor said and ran out of the room. Jane followed, and she noted that Loki didn't follow them right away. But, finally, he did join them in Thor's bedroom, which would have looked like the inside of Toys R' Us had it not been for the bed in the middle of the room – complete with a He-Man comforter and pillow cases. There were red wooden letters on the wall above his bed that spelled out THOR.

Jane gravitated to the Castle Grayskull on the floor with all the plastic characters scattered about. She picked up Teela, Thor picked up He-Man, and Loki picked up Skeletor. The game began and though Loki made Skeletor try to kill Teela off numerous times, Thor as He-Man defended her again and again. In the end though, it was Jane that bested him.

xxxxxxx

Loki and Thor were new to Cambridge – in fact, they were new to the United States. That accounted for the accent they had. Jane had noticed it when she'd met them, but she had been taught not to call attention to strange things about other people and so she'd never asked them about it. Uncle Erik had told her all about it afterwards, and had showed them on their globe where Loki and Thor came from. It blew Jane's mind that they had lived all the way across such a big ocean.

Thor was Jane were in the same class. Loki, a year behind them both, was not.

Thor was in Jane's class, and they sat next to each other. It didn't take long for the class to figure out that they were best friends. Thor even sat with her at lunchtime, and Jane liked that Thor didn't care it wasn't "cool" for boys and girls to be friends.

Loki sat with them at lunch too, but that was because he hadn't been asked to sit with anyone else.

For the next several years, this was how things went. Jane and Thor were friends, and sometimes Loki tagged along. Jane thought he did so because a. he had no other friends because he was so mean to everyone and b. he lived to torment her. He liked to make fun of her suggestions and pick apart the things she said. Once, Jane hauled off and punched him. She thought that would stop him. It didn't. He taunted her for using her fists rather than her brains, and she ended up being grounded for a week.

Jane hated Loki and Loki hated Jane. That wouldn't have bothered either of them much except for the fact of Thor. Thor loved his brother, and Jane was his best friend.

When Jane talked about it with her aunt and uncle they told her that she would just have to try to make the best of things. Loki was Thor's brother so it wasn't as though she could make him choose. If she did, she would lose.

So, Jane tolerated Loki as much she could and even when he was mean to her, she tried her very best to treat him with respect.

It wasn't easy.

**1991**

High school had begun. Jane was a little nervous, but also a little excited.

"What do you think it will be like?" Thor asked, the night before school began.

They were at the park, sucking up the last night of summer vacation before their new adventure began. Loki was not with them and Jane was thankful for the reprieve. She didn't know what he was up to and she didn't care. All summer long he'd tagged along with her and Thor. It was hard trying to be nice all the time to someone that didn't deserve it.

"I'm not sure. I think some parts will the same – ya know, school. But then there's all those older kids."

"Senior girls," Thor said with a grin.

"Senior boys," Jane countered. She wasn't really interested in the senior boys though. She was interested in Thor.

It was weird how it crept up on her. One minute she climbing trees and going on long bike rides with Thor, getting muddy and dirty and not caring at all. The next she was leaving the house worrying about how she looked and getting dirty in front of him. It didn't seem right, and it didn't seem fair. Even just sitting together on the swings in the park in the fading light made Jane think how romantic this could be. How she would welcome Thor's lips on hers if he wanted to get a first kiss out of the way. Then of course he would fall madly in love with her and they would start the school year off as boyfriend and girlfriend. And wouldn't that stick in Loki's craw…

Things had changed for Thor, too. He had gone from not talking about any girls to noticing them with greater frequency. He never said much to Jane about it, but she could tell by the way his head would turn if they passed a gaggle of girls while riding bikes or going for walks. She wanted to ask what he found so pretty about them, but she was afraid to hear the answer. She didn't want to end up comparing herself to them even though she already did.

Now talking about senior girls. Jane felt something she only felt when Loki was around and taking up all of Thor's attention: jealous. She hated feeling jealous.

Now, the more she thought about it, the more doomed it all felt. There were going to be new girls in high school. New girls for Thor to want to hang out with. Girls that he might want to kiss and date and have the sex with. (Loki had been the one to get his hands on a copy of The Joy of Sex and share it with them.)

Ew. Sex.

Okay, so some things hadn't changed all that much.

The more she thought about the new girls that would turn Thor's head, the more helpless it all felt. Would he forget about her completely? He was the only one she hung out with regularity. She supposed she could always hang out with Darcy Lewis more often, but Darcy was way more into boys and clothes and all those other girly things than Jane was. She might worry that she didn't look pretty enough for Thor, but that didn't stop her from pulling her often-frizzy brown hair up into a ponytail to get it out of her face before they went bike riding.

Did this mean she would have to buy dresses and skirts and start putting crap in her hair to keep it tame? Was she going to have to start wearing makeup and padding her bra?

"I think it'll be great," Thor said with a beaming smile. "Don't you?"

Jane forced a smile. "Oh yeah. Just fantastic."

xxxxxx

High school was fucking scary.

It didn't take long for Jane to realize how unprepared she was for high school. As soon as she'd stepped inside the building it was like walking into a different world. The boys were walking around with puffed chests and bowl cuts, and the girls were all decked out in denim and curly hair. God, did she have to get a perm for this? The though made Jane wrinkle her nose.

She drifted through the first half of the day in a bit of a haze, and she noted with great sadness that she hadn't seen Thor all day. She saw Darcy though, in fact, the other girl was in most of her classes. They even had lunch together.

When lunch did come around, she searched frantically for Thor and found him after she'd already been seated with Darcy and Darcy's friends, on the other side of the cafeteria sitting with a group of boys Jane didn't recognize. He was laughing and having a grand ol' time and didn't seem to care that she wasn't around.

Hurt, Jane averted her attention to the girls at the table and hoped they would accept her into their group. She didn't have high hopes when one of the girls went on at great length about how some senior boy asked her out already. Each girl already seemed to have a crush on some guy in the school and Jane half-listened to their conversation and wished things didn't have to change as much as they had.

**1992**

Jane was not a popular girl. She had friends – girlfriends – and she still had Thor, but after that first day freshman year, they didn't interact much during school hours. Mostly because they barely saw each other. At lunch they did, and sometimes Thor would sit at her table with Darcy and Darcy's friend and chat with her for a bit before heading outside to play a quick round of whatever sport his friends were playing.

On the weekends if Thor wasn't at some sports practice or game, or some boy's house, they would hang out. But it wasn't the same. He was conscious of her as girl just as she was conscious of him as a boy, but he didn't seem interested in her "in that way". It didn't help that she still was and was so goddamn awkward and didn't know what to _say_ to him anymore.

And, while Jane was by no means popular, Thor was. Of _course_ he was. He was British (so all the girls fawned all over him in ways they didn't before), he excelled at sports (the boys just ate it all up), and he was kind to everyone (like a freaking male Snow White). If anyone gave him flack for still being friends with her, Jane didn't know about it because he made no qualms about the fact that he would defend the underdog.

So. Yeah. Great. She was the underdog.

But, so was Loki.

He was tall and gangly, he wore his hair long, and he dressed all in black. But he didn't fit in with the Goths. He didn't seem to fit into many groups outside of this one kid he'd befriended in 8th grade. His name was Mal and he had dyed blond hair and also wore all black. The two of them together were trouble. Thor had told Jane that Mal had nearly gotten expelled for calling in a bomb threat. It turned out later that Loki had been the brains behind that operation, but since they couldn't really pin anything on Loki since he hadn't been the one to actually call the school with the faux threat, he had just gotten in-house suspension for a day. Mal had gotten the whole week.

Then there were the fireworks Loki set off during a pep rally that he then tried to make off as having gotten caught up in "teen spirit". No surprise that Loki was a Nirvana fan. Thor liked the mainstream pop stuff, but she had a feeling his friends had something to do with that. Jane liked both, but leaned more towards Loki's taste in music. She admitted that very, very grudgingly.

Despite the fact that he had yet to grow into his body, and despite the fact that he wasn't popular, he didn't seem to care. He almost seemed, dare she say it, comfortable in his own skin. Jane didn't know anyone their age or close to their age that could say that.

Jane was not a fan of adolescence.

She wondered if, perhaps, she was at an all girls school would she feels so incredibly awkward and weird all the time. She also wondered if it was possible her boobs would grow any more and would she ever have hips?

It all sucked.

Yet she admired Loki in a way. Not even Thor was as confident as Loki seemed. She still caught Thor fiddling with his hair or catching his reflection oh-so-stealthily in the glass awards case in the hall. He wasn't checking out the awards and hoping he'd win one for the school, he was making sure he was looking hot.

If you asked any of the girls in school he didn't have anything to worry about. One would think with her friendship to Thor that would make her popular, but no. It made her hated. It also rendered most of the girls unable to understand it at all. Jane Foster was a nerd that was into grunge.

She'd give them nerd. But grunge? It wasn't so much a fashion choice as a matter of comfort. Flannels and Doc Martens were fucking comfortable, people!

Still, for once she and Loki had something in common. Sort of. She still thought he would bomb the school one day just because he could.

And she still didn't like him.

Until she kind of did.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to all who read and reviewed! :)

**Chapter Two**

Aunt Carol was diagnosed with cancer. Brain cancer. That meant there was no hope and Jane knew it. Even her Uncle Erik knew it, but he started to do something he never did before her diagnosis: he prayed. This was how Jane knew without a doubt how serious this was. Her uncle was a man of science; he didn't adhere to any religion. His need to pray now made her think that religion was just a last ditch effort for some miracle when all hope was completely lost.

Jane had lost her parents when she was two in a car accident and had gone live with her Aunt and Uncle afterwards. She barely remembered her parents so she didn't have the same sense of loss as those kids that lost their parents or parent, singular, and remembered them. That didn't mean she didn't feel bouts of sadness for the loss though. When she was younger she would ask endless questions about her parents, not realizing how painful it might have been for her aunt to talk about her sister and brother-in-law.

Now she was facing the loss of someone she would never forget and loved dearly. Aunt Carol had been the one to talk to her about her period. She'd driven Jane to the drugstore to get buy her pads and tampons and had gotten her ice cream on the day she'd gotten it. She'd talked to her about sex at the beginning of her freshman year, and had taken her to get her first bra. Aunt Carol had done everything a mother would have and for all intents and purposes, Aunt Carol _was_ her mother.

When Jane had found out about her Aunt's diagnosis, she had gotten on her bike pedaled as fast as she could to Thor's. She'd spilled the news to Thor outside on his front lawn in bursts of sobs and gasps and he'd held onto her tightly as if she was the one that was dying.

"We'll get through this, Jane," he told her. "We'll get through it together, okay? Your aunt is like a second mother to me." Tears shown in his own eyes and Jane was touched that he cared that much for her Aunt.

Frigga had come out then and when she'd seen Thor and Jane crying together, she had hurried over to ask what was going on. Loki had been behind Frigga, but Jane paid no attention to him. When Frigga asked what was going on, Jane had lost it all over again in a fresh batch of tears. If Aunt Carol had been like a second mother to Thor, then Frigga was a second mother to Jane.

Frigga corralled them into the house and made hot chocolate. The three of them sat together in the kitchen talking and Loki had lurked in the shadows in the hall. Jane had known he was there, but she didn't pay him any attention.

xxxxxx

As life did, it went on regardless of what Jane and her family were going through. It didn't seem right, somehow, because her world was changed irrevocably. The day to day minutiae of school and friends had not.

Jane didn't bother to tell anyone else about her aunt. She didn't see the point. They wouldn't care the way Thor did. They would give her that blanket "I'm so sorry" and "If you need anything, please let me know" but they wouldn't really mean it and Jane just didn't have it in her to pretend that they did. It would just make her hate them later when they weren't there for her as they'd promised to be.

As her aunt grew sicker, Jane felt as though she was going to be swallowed by her grief. She put her best face on at school, but fell apart as soon as she left it. Her grades, though, never went down. Schoolwork was the only reprieve she had from her aunt's condition and her uncle's depression. He was drinking more. Losing focus. He'd been missing days of work at MIT where he taught. Aunt Carol begged him to go, but Uncle Erik wouldn't leave her side.

How terrible it must be to love someone so much and watch them die, Jane thought.

Jane felt as though she was a jinx. Her parents. Now her aunt. Was it her? Did she bring this about somehow? Was it just a matter of time before something befell her Uncle Erik? And then where would she be?

As it turned out the person she relied on the most and had promised to be there for her was the one that didn't have a whole lot of time for her between school and sports engagements.

Jane was trying really hard not to let it bother her.

When Darcy invited her to a party one Friday night, Jane had done the surprising thing and agreed for once. The parties Darcy went to were notorious for underage drinking, pot smoking, and the occasional visit by the police to break up the party and stop the noise.

Darcy was a big fan of getting drunk and forgetting her troubles for a while and Jane thought: Why the hell not? She could do with some forgetting for a while.

The party was in full swing by the time she and Darcy arrived. Michael Ferrell, the kid who was throwing the party, had his older brother buy him a few kegs and hard liquor. The kitchen was full to the brim of all kinds of snacks and even candy. There was a beer chugging contest going on in the corner, one was doing a keg stand, and the music from the living room was so loud Jane could feel it through her chest.

She dug her hands in her black hoodie and stood off to the side as Darcy said her exuberant hellos to everyone in the kitchen as if she just hadn't seen these people a few hours ago at school.

"You look like you could use this."

Sigyn, a junior, and one of Loki's friends, possibly his girlfriend (Thor wasn't sure and neither was anyone else), handed her a red Solo cup full of beer.

Jane took the cup and smiled. "Thanks."

"You want to come outside for a cigarette and get out of this noise?"

Jane blinked; she didn't even know that Sigyn knew who she was. "Uh, sure," she said. "But I don't smoke."

"You don't have to," Sigyn said with a smile and Jane followed her out of the kitchen, down a long hall, through some rec room with couples making out on the sofa, and out onto the deck. They went past the deck and out to the backyard where Loki was standing under a tree.

She should have known Loki would be there. He had a cigarette in his hand, and was wearing a black knit hat along with his entire black ensemble – tight black jeans, black Docs, black shirt and a black leather jacket. Shocker.

His brows rose when he saw Jane. "Foster. You never come to parties."

"I didn't know my lack of attendance was being noted," she said and watched Sigyn light up a cigarette. The scent of tobacco rent the air and Jane wondered what it would taste like.

"Are you going to just hold onto that or drink it?" Loki asked, nodding to her beer.

She looked down at it as if just remembering it was there. She sniffed it and Loki laughed. "Have you ever had a beer before, Foster?" he asked her.

"I had a sip of my uncle's beer once when I was ten," she told him. "It was gross."

"It still is, but it's the only thing worth having here," Sigyn said and took another long drag on her cigarette.

Jane shrugged and sipped the beer. Yeah, it wasn't great. But it wasn't bad either. She took another sip. Then went for broke and chugged it.

Loki laughed and Sigyn smirked. Jane licked her lips and though she didn't feel any different just yet, knew she had to keep going if she wanted to. "I need another," she said and started for the house.

"I'll get you one," Sigyn said and tossed her cigarette to the ground and squashed it with her Docs. She plucked Jane's cup out of her hand. "Be right back."

Jane watched her go and stuffed her hands in the pocket of her hoodie again. She looked at Loki and thought – well, this is awkward. She and Loki were not left alone together after the time she'd punched him.

She looked at him and found him watching her. The weirdo. She jerked her chin toward him. "Can I try a cigarette?"

His jaw went slack. "What?"

"Can I try one?"

"Foster, you don't smoke."

"I want to try it."

"Thor will kill me if you start smoking."

Jane scowled. "Thor isn't here and he doesn't have any say in whether or not I try smoking. And since when do you care if Thor is pissed at you?"

Loki held up his hands. "All right, all right. Relax, Foster."

"I have a name, Loki."

"Foster is a name. Your surname."

Jane rolled her eyes and held out a hand. "Cigarette?"

He shook his head and dug into the pocket of his pea coat to pull out a pack of Marlboro Red. "I'm not giving you a whole cigarette. You're going to hate it. We'll share. Don't French the filter and make it all wet."

Jane made a face. "I won't, but show me how to do it."

Loki explained to her how to inhale and then blow it out and then lit the cigarette, showed her, and then handed it to her. She held it pinched between her thumb and pointer finger and Loki just shook his head – he was smiling though.

Jane put the cigarette to her mouth and did as Loki told her to do. She ended up coughing and feeling lightheaded. She handed the cigarette back to Loki. "Nope."

He nodded. "I figured."

Sigyn came back then and handed Jane a tall plastic glass of beer. "I raided the cabinets," she told Jane.

Jane wasn't sure she would be able to finish all that beer.

But then she did.

xxxxxxx

Jane liked the numb feeling sweeping through her. She had lost count of how many beers Sigyn had gotten her, but all she knew was that she was warm and couldn't feel her nose or her lips.

And she was smoking like a pro now, too. It made her lightheaded, which just added to the blissful weightless feeling she had. Why hadn't she done this sooner?

"I want to dance," she announced to Loki and Sigyn and climbed unsteadily to her feet from the ground and started for the deck. She felt hands on her hips keeping her steady and she turned her head to see Loki behind her, frowning down at her.

Sigyn trailed behind him.

Jane shook him off and he came up beside her, one hand around her waist. "Get off, Loki," she complained.

"No," he told her. "You're drunk and walking like a toddler."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you're walking like you just learned how."

"Oh."

Finally, they arrived in the living room and some pop song she vaguely recognized pumped through the speakers. Her body felt as though it was throbbing and she looked around her, at the other girls that had their arms up over their heads showing off and moved their hips from side to side. Jane tried to mimic them and when she looked at Loki he stood there, just standing there, looking horrified.

"What?" she asked and dropped her arms.

"Stop trying to act like them," he said. "You're better than that, Foster."

"I don't know how to dance!" she exclaimed partly in frustration and partly so he could hear her over the throbbing music. He gripped her hips again and she scowled at him. "I'm just standing, Loki. I'm not going to fall over."

"No, love, I'm trying to help you dance. Just loosen up…bend your knees…put your hands on my shoulders…that's a girl…"

That was how Jane found herself doing some kind of weird Dirty Dancing with Loki at a party with a bunch of people she could barely stand. And she was drunk. So, so drunk.

But at least she hadn't thought about –

Crap.

Now she was thinking about it. And now she was crying.

Loki looked startled by her sudden tears and he pulled her through the crowd and up some set of stairs. He pulled her into a dark bathroom and turned on the light. He grabbed tissues out of a tissue box on the cluttered bathroom counter and handed them to her. "What happened?" he asked as she wiped at her tears and tried her level best to get herself together.

"I just thought of my aunt," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Come here," Loki said and sat down against the blue ceramic tub. He pulled her down with him. Jane let loose and only jumped slightly when she felt Loki place a hand on her back. It was warm and comforting in a strange way. He had to be drunk too, that was the only explanation for how kind he'd been to her (so far anyway), even if she never saw him take so much as a sip out of the cup he'd had when Sigyn had first taken her outside.

"How is she doing?" Loki asked when Jane had stopped crying.

"Not well. The doctors say she has maybe a month left. "

"Christ, Foster," Loki muttered.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I haven't really talked about it with anyone and Thor promised he'd be there for me and I've barely even seen him and I know he's busy, but it just hurts," she said, unable to stem what she was really thinking and feeling. Alcohol made her tongue loose.

"Thor is an idiot," Loki muttered.

"He's not. I'm being selfish—"

"Jane, your aunt is dying and you need him to be there for you. You're not being selfish."

She sat up and looked at him. "You called me Jane."

He reached out and tucked some hair behind her ear. "Yes, I did."

"I'm sorry I snotted you."

"Don't apologize. Alcohol can amplify what's bothering us. You came to forget, but I don't think you can ever really forget something like what you're going through. And knowing you, Foster, you've been keeping it together for far too long."

Jane blinked at him. "How do you know so much about me?"

He smiled. "I pay attention."

Jane sighed, trying to contemplate that with her drunken brain and not getting very far. She looked at him. "Is this weird?"

"What? Us getting along?"

She nodded.

"No. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"You think so?"

Loki nodded and looked at her in all seriousness. "No one is immune to my charms for long. You were bound to figure out I'm much cooler than Thor."

Jane just stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out if he was really serious or not. The gleam in his eyes gave him away though, and she started to laugh. He smiled. "Come on, Foster. Sigyn and I will walk you home."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for all the feedback! :) **

**Chapter Three**

Whatever sort of friendship had been forged that night at the party between Loki and Jane didn't last very long. Not that they went back to loathing each other, but they didn't start suddenly hanging out with each other either.

Jane figured Loki must have said something to Thor for suddenly Thor was a constant presence at her side yet again. She was thankful to him for that; even if she did wish that Thor had figured out she needed him on his own.

Admittedly, she was a little angry with Thor and she didn't know how to handle being angry with him on top of her hurt. She didn't know how to confront him about it since she and Thor had never really ever argued. Sure they'd gotten annoyed with each other now and again as friends often do, but then they'd just spent some time apart and whatever was annoying them had ironed itself out with time.

She told herself she had other things to concern herself with. Her aunt was dying. That kind of trumped whatever hurt feelings Thor's neglect had generated. She had him now and that should be all that mattered.

When her aunt passed one sunny Saturday morning, Jane ran to Thor's house. He wasn't home. But Frigga was, and so was Loki. Frigga sat down with her on the couch and let Jane become a soggy mess in her pristine living room. Even Odin came in at one point and offered his condolences.

When Frigga left the room to get Jane something to eat and drink, Loki came in the room. He sat in a chair across from her and looked troubled. "I'm sorry to hear about your aunt, Jane," he said.

Jane fiddled with the tissues in her hand and swallowed back a fresh batch of tears. "Thank you."

"I sent Thor a text so he'll see it after his game," Loki told her.

She nodded. It was ridiculous to feel upset that Thor had a game on the day her aunt died. Life went on no matter how much it seemed to stand still for some people. How was he supposed to know that she would pass on the day of his game?

"You told Thor what I said about not being there for me, didn't you?" she asked.

He looked guarded now, as though he was waiting for an attack. "I may have mentioned something about it. Why?"

"Thank you," she said. "I'm not upset with you or anything."

He seemed to relax at that. "You're welcome. Is there…anything I can do?"

She shook her head and started to sob again. "No, I'm okay."

"Bullshit," he muttered and came over to sit beside her. He put an arm around her and pulled her close to his side. Jane took the comfort he offered. It felt good to be held.

And then he was gone, and Thor was there. Jane clung to Thor and Thor stroked her back and offered her tissues. He smelled like sweat and his hair was damp at the nape of his neck, but he felt like home and that was just what Jane needed.

xxxxxxx

About a month after her aunt passed and the dust had somewhat settled, Thor slowly started disappearing again. She didn't care anymore, or at least that's what she told herself.

What she wanted was to feel normal again, and she had spent so many months just waiting for the inevitable that she didn't know what was normal anymore. Her uncle had to be coaxed out of bed, coaxed to eat, and coaxed to go to work. Once he was at work she didn't know what happened, but that wasn't her concern. Just getting him to join the land of the living was. She understood his desire to just stay in bed and sleep the day away. That was her inclination too.

And now that Aunt Carol was gone, Uncle Erik had denounced God yet again. Jane wasn't sure it worked that way – that if you didn't get what you wanted then it must be that God didn't exist. But, at least he wasn't asking her to go to church anymore.

What Jane felt was numb. The kind of numb that drove some people she knew to cut themselves. Jane didn't go in for all of that. She wasn't that desperate. Not yet anyway. But she did want something…different. Something out of her comfort zone. She was tired of Darcy and gossip and being responsible. She wanted something else. Something that would shake her world up a little. Granted, her world had already been pretty shaken, but perhaps this was part of the process. She was sick of being Grief; she wanted to try on a different feeling, a different life, and a different skin.

And that was how she found herself one day approaching Sigyn and Loki and their assorted hoodlum friends on the lawn outside the cafeteria.

Sigyn smiled at her. Loki looked wary. No one else seemed to give a shit.

"What's up, Jane?" Sigyn asked. "Aren't you a little lost?"

Jane shook her head. "No." She looked around the quad at all the various groups of people that were clustered together. It seemed as though what the movies said about high school was true: nerds hung out with nerds, the popular people hung out with the popular people, jocks with jocks – and so on and so forth.

But Jane? She wasn't sure where she fit in. She didn't feel as though she fit in anywhere, really. She was just boring and simple Jane Foster. If she had to pick a group she supposed the nerds fit the bill most of all, but she didn't want to try them on for size. She already was a nerd so how would that really be any different? She wanted this group, Loki's group, the "losers and troublemakers" group.

"I was just about to head behind that tree behind me and have a cigarette before the bell rang," Sigyn said. "Care to join me?"

Jane knew if they got caught they would get in big trouble. Detention probably. Now that she thought about it though – was that so bad? Loki got detention all the time. Speaking of Loki, he was still looking at her as though he didn't know what to make of her.

Well, this was what she wanted right? To try different? If sneaking behind a tree to have a cigarette was what it took then so be it. Jane dug her hands into the pocket of her jean jacket and nodded. "Sure."

xxxxxx

The smoking behind the tree was a test. Sigyn seemed to both like Jane and was a bit mistrustful of her at the same time. Jane wasn't sure what to make of her, really. She had gotten her away from the overzealous crowd at the party Jane had attended and now seemed to be welcoming her into the fold as though she'd been waiting for her.

Yet she still wanted to test her mettle. And why not since Sigyn seemed to be the Queen to this particular group, and Loki their King.

Jane took a drag that hurt her throat and handed the cigarette back to Sigyn, concentrating on not coughing. She studied Sigyn in her blue baby doll dress, ripped black nylons and combat boots. Her hair was flaming red and pulled into little twists around her head that looked like horns. She wore fire engine red lipstick and her eye makeup was dark.

It was a look Jane sort of envied but knew she couldn't pull off. Next to Sigyn she felt as if she'd just walked off the set of 90210.

"You've gotten better at this," Sigyn said with a smirk as she handed Jane her cigarette to take a drag off of.

Jane couldn't stop the cough that came. "Have I?" And was smoking someone _should _get better at?

Sigyn laughed and shrugged. "Sort of. It's easier when you're drunk."

Jane agreed. "Yeah." A beat. "So when could we get drunk again?"

xxxxxxx

Darcy expressed her concern over Jane "hanging out with the losers" after lunch was over, and after school a troubled Loki stopped by her locker to ask just "what the hell she was doing?"

"What do you mean?" she asked him and stuffed her math book in her backpack.

"What were you doing coming over to us at lunch?" he demanded.

She arched a brow. "Are you guys some kind of exclusive club or something that I'm not allowed to infiltrate?"

"What are you up to, Foster?"

She shut her locker. "Nothing," she said as she zipped up her backpack. "I wanted to go over there with you guys today so I did."

"You have your group. That snob Darcy Lewis and her crew."

Jane slung her backpack over her shoulder. "I don't think she's the only snob," she said pointedly, and started heading out for the bus.

"What was with the smoking and wanting to drink?" Loki asked as he followed her.

She stopped and looked at him. "Just that. I smoked. I want to drink. You do that crap all the time but when I express an interest in it, there's a problem?"

"Yes, because it's not you, Foster."

"Maybe now it is," she said.

He cocked his head to the side and looked at her in a way that unnerved her. It was that look that said he saw right through her. Not even Thor had that ability. Well, not always anyway.

She sighed. "Look, I just wanted to try something different. I'm sick of the same stuff. The same lunch conversations, the gossip fests – I wanted to try something else on for size."

"Ah, I see. You wanted to slum it with me and my friends."

"Well…yeah. I mean—"

"Nice, Foster. Real nice."

Irritated, Jane rolled her eyes. "Fuck you, Loki. You just basically called Darcy a snob, which means I am too by association, right? It's not like it's any big secret that you and your friends are troublemakers. Tell me again how you got detention last week for back talking to a teacher?"

Loki glared at her.

"You're the one that put the label on you and your crew, not me. Besides, Sigyn seems to like me even if you don't."

Loki shook his head. "Foster…"

"I have a bus to catch," she said and left before he could stop her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Darcy didn't like the path that Jane was headed down. Apparently she was concerned. And so were her friends – who were now Jane's friends? That was news to her. They certainly never asked her to do anything that didn't involve Darcy and when Darcy left the room they had nothing to say to each other.

That did not stop the three of them from staging an intervention one afternoon at lunch. Basically, they all cornered Jane at her locker before she could even get to the cafeteria. She had been saved when Sigyn came to look for her. One look at Sigyn – dressed again like a Courtney Love wannabe, and Darcy and her prep squad fled. They couldn't have been that concerned if they gave up so easily.

Jane didn't care. She'd been hanging out with Sigyn at lunchtime for a month now. Loki, too, sort of. He kind of hung back and watched her as though she was the lion in his crowd of gazelles.

Thor actually thought it was kind of cool – and weird – that Jane had started to hang out with Loki's crew. He had commented with a tight smile that at least Jane and Loki were getting along now. Sure, if getting along meant they barely talked then she and Loki got along brilliantly.

Jane wasn't sure she really felt any different aside from the fact that all the smoking she was now doing was making her a little out of breath during gym. But she admired Sigyn in the way that she kind of wanted to be like her. Sigyn was tough and strong and she made the boys in her group do her bidding. Jane had even seen some of the jocks watch Sigyn with longing in their eyes. The only one that didn't eat out of the palm of her hand was Loki. However, it was completely clear to Jane that Sigyn had a bit of a thing for Loki. He had some weird power over her that she seemed to love and hate at the same time.

So, Jane screwed up her courage that day and asked Sigyn point blank behind their smoking tree if she and Loki were ever going to date.

The cigarette in Sigyn's hand was halfway to her mouth and after Jane asked her that question, she lowered the cigarette. "Why, did he say something to you?"

Jane was a bit disappointed by her reaction. Sigyn was always set apart from the other girls their age by this innate coolness and I-don't-give-a-shit attitude. And now, with the promise of a boy possibly liking her she had abandoned all coolness. Jane vowed she would never lose her innate coolness over a boy – if she had any innate coolness to begin with.

"No, I just watch you guys together and wonder," Jane said. "I see it. The way you look at him."

Sigyn just looked at her with some sadness on her face that Jane didn't get. "But you don't see him look at me that way, do you?"

Jane frowned. No, she couldn't say she did, but she didn't want to hurt Sigyn's feelings either. "Well, sometimes—"

Sigyn laughed. "You're a shitty liar, Foster."

"I'm sorry."

Sigyn sighed heavily and then took a drag of her cigarette. "Forget about it. Loki doesn't feel that way about me. I know it, and I've accepted it."

Now that was definitely some cool shit right there. Most girls their age would sob in the girls' bathroom over some boy that didn't like them back. Sigyn just accepted it. Jane wished she could accept that Thor didn't like her that way with the greatest of ease. She wished she didn't still like Thor that way at all, too. It felt at this point like some kind of sickness and she just wanted the cure. Especially when he didn't have much time for her these days and she wondered if he hung out with her when he did out of pity or obligation.

Sigyn handed the cigarette over to Jane and asked, "Do you see Loki look at anyone that way?"

Jane took the cigarette and shook her head. "Nope."

Sigyn just arched a brow and studied Jane for a long while, making Jane uncomfortable. What did Sigyn see in her when she looked at her like that?

"Interesting," Sigyn said.

Jane wondered what was so interesting about that.

"It's always amazing to me when those who are so observant of others often miss what's right in front of them," Sigyn said and then dug her hands in her coat. "You finish the cigarette. I need a drink."

Jane watched her go, feeling as though she'd said something wrong but didn't know what it was.

xxxxxxxx

Over Christmas break Sigyn asked Jane if she wanted to hang out. Jane didn't know what that meant and she partly feared for her life, but she agreed nonetheless.

Sigyn picked her up in a beat up old red Volkswagon Bug. Of course. Loki was in the passenger seat and eyed Jane warily as she exited the house. She looked at him sharply when she caught him staring at her and he just shook his head and looked away. She didn't know what his problem was with her, but she wished he would just get the fuck over it.

Sigyn drove to her house and informed Jane that she was going to have a small party while her parents were away and if Jane wanted, she could crash there. Jane wished Sigyn had something sooner about that so she could have packed a bag, but whatever. Maybe she wouldn't get that drunk.

And yet she did.

Whatever Loki's problem was with her seemed to vanish as he kept by her side the whole night, watching over her like he was her personal bodyguard or how she imagined her father would have been, or how her uncle used to be when he cared about life and her. Whatever.

When Jane found herself alone with Loki outside in the cold winter air – she felt nothing even with her thin coat on, liquid sweater fully in tact by now – she asked Loki why he wouldn't go out with Sigyn.

Loki looked stunned by this question and Jane congratulated herself on being able to shock the unflappable Loki Odinson. "I'm not—I like Sigyn very much as my friend," he said. "I don't feel that way about her."

She considered him with narrowed eyes. "Are you gay?"

Loki laughed and shook his head. "No."

"How can any red-blooded male not find that girl hot?"

"Sounds like you're the one that wants to date her."

Jane shrugged. "I just find her infinitely cooler than anyone I've ever met. You even have your moments."

"Gee, thanks."

"Is there anyone you like that way then?" Jane asked and leaned against the wooden deck railing.

"I'm not telling you that, Foster," he said and looked away from her.

"Why not?"

"You and I? We're not exactly friends."

Jane pursed her lips together and watched the puff of air that escaped her nose when she exhaled. "Whose fault is that?" she asked.

"Yours."

"Of course. Mine. Not yours though, right? You don't even try to get along with me. You act like I have some kind of disease."

"This is not you, Foster. This is not who you are," Loki told her.

"What is not who I am?"

He gestured to her. "You drinking, smoking, shunning Darcy Lewis and her merry band of automatons. You're trying all this badassness on for size but it's not who you are at the core."

"So I'm not allowed to experiment? I'm fifteen years old, Loki, I'm _supposed_ to experiment and rebel."

"And if Thor got his head out of his ass and asked you to stop you'd drop everything and everyone to do his bidding."

"What the fuck does Thor have to do with me hanging around you guys?" Jane shouted in frustration. "I'm here because I want to be here, Loki. I don't belong with Darcy and her merry band of automatons. I don't belong with Thor, _clearly_. I don't know where I belong and I don't know who I am—"

"Yes, you do," Loki said. "You've always known who you are, Jane."

She started to cry. "Well, I don't know anymore okay? I hate high school, I hate being at home…my uncle is miserable and drowning in his grief and I can't be around him because I feel like I can't breathe. I don't need your shit, Loki. I don't need your judgments."

Loki hugged her then and Jane was stiff in his arms. She was still mad at him and didn't understand why she had to be drunk or sobbing or both to get him to be nice to her.

"Jane, hug me back," he said gently. "I won't bite, I promise."

Jane loosened by degrees and then slowly hugged him back. "Tomorrow you'll go back to avoiding me and watching me like I'm some kind of narc."

He laughed softly. "I promise I won't."

But Jane wasn't convinced.

**1993**

Things between Loki and Jane did change. A little bit anyway. It was a little strange to Jane because while she was still mistrustful of Loki to an extent, she also kind of liked him. Sure, he could still annoy the ever living shit out of her, but having him on her side was rather nice— albeit not _always_ because it was inevitable for them to butt heads on a regular basis. If they didn't argue, they wouldn't be Jane and Loki.

The difference was that now when Jane and Sigyn snuck in their customary cigarette at lunch, Loki joined them. And now that Jane and Sigyn were hanging out together more, Loki was with them. With the help of Sigyn, Jane was starting to incorporate some variety to her standard jeans and flannel ensemble. Now she was wearing skirts – long ones, short ones, and always with combat boots. And yes, there would be a flannel at least tied around her waist. She was aware that she had been Sigyn-ized, but she didn't care. She was still comfortable and she liked it so maybe she wasn't so much a clone as having just discovered her style? Whatever. It worked. That was all Jane cared about.

She still felt as though she didn't know whom she was, but she was getting closer to figuring it out. Who knew that Loki finally accepting her was part of the puzzle to piecing her together?

As for Thor…well, there was nothing much to be said for Thor. She barely saw him, but he never shied away from saying hello to her in the halls, or talking to her when he could deign to do so. When Jane did talk with Thor she felt like their previous history had been wiped completely away. Now he was just some crush she'd always had, but without any of the insider information about him that she used to have.

It made her rather sad, especially in moments like this when they were in the same place together (the local pizza shop) and didn't talk; didn't even sit near one another.

But that could have had something to do with the girl he was sitting with. The girl that Loki informed Jane was his date.

Jane hated her with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

After the pizza parlor, Sigyn drove them to a party one her college friends were having. It would be Jane's first college party and she had been looking forward to it even if she wasn't a huge fan of parties in general. She went to them because she was invited to them but she didn't particularly always enjoy them unless she was drunk.

She was getting tired of getting drunk. She was also tired of smoking.

But, perhaps, this party would be different. New people. New experiences. Maybe she'd find a guy she could crush on and forget this what felt like a lifelong crush on Thor. It was stupid and had gone past the point of ridiculousness. Why the fuck couldn't she just shake it off and be done with it?

It was beginning to feel like some kind of tumor that she couldn't get rid of. It was attached to her and part of her, and she hated it because it felt heavy and unhealthy. And it didn't help that Loki seemed almost angry with her about it. He wouldn't stop talking about it and asking her why she was still hung up on Thor. She didn't bother to ask how he knew she had a crush on Thor, and she didn't bother to deny it. What was the point? She was fairly certain she was pretty obvious.

He didn't stop talking about it, even when they were ushered into a building that looked like it needed a coat of paint and some repairs. Jane had a bad feeling she wasn't going to like this party at all. The house smelled like alcohol, cloying perfume, and pot.

The living room was made up of a TV and beat up, raggedy looking armchairs and a sofa. The brown carpet was worn and stained. The walls had posters of pot leaves, Jimmi Hendrix, and a Free Tibet flag.

Jane was severely disappointed. This was a college house? This looked like any one of her classmate's bedrooms, but in a living room. Sigyn led the way, as she always did, into the kitchen to set them up with drinks. She introduced Jane to some people that Jane knew she wasn't going to remember at all and so didn't bother to even try. She just wanted some place quiet away from Loki and away from all these goddamn people and the Pearl Jam playing loudly in the background. She grabbed a red solo cup full of beer and went back outside to the falling down porch. Maybe it would collapse and she'd fall on a nail.

She tucked herself into the corner of the porch and was blissfully alone with her beer when, of course, Loki found her.

"Come out here to brood over Thor?" he asked, his own cup of beer in hand.

Irritated with him not letting it fucking go, she grabbed his beer and threw it onto the brown lawn.

"What the fuck!" he shouted and reached for her cup. She dodged out of the way and some it sloshed out, soaking her hand.

"I am so sick of you giving me crap about this! Why do you care if I have a crush on Thor or that I'm bothered that he is dating someone?" she demanded.

"Because he's not worth the heartache!" Loki shouted. "You're better than that, Foster!"

"Am I? Look at me. I'm at some stupid college party that I thought was going to be cool and is actually rather lame. I was hoping for some, I don't know, something other than the usual shit. Loud music, drunken asses—"

Some guy flew out the door at that point, wet, in white boxers, and clearly not steady on his feet. He shouted with glee as he ran down the street.

Jane gestured to the guy. "Exhibit A." She tossed her drink onto the lawn to join Loki's. "I'm tired of drinking. I'm tired of smoking. I'm tired of parties – I hate them, you know. I go to them hoping for something different but they're all the same and they're all lame. _I'm_ lame. It's no wonder Thor doesn't want me."

"Then let's get out of here," Loki said.

She looked at him. "What?"

"Let's get out of here. Where do you want to go?"

"What about Sigyn?"

"She won't even notice. She has college boys falling all over themselves to get close to her. She won't even notice we're gone."

Jane frowned. "Is it safe for her to be left here without protection? I mean, you hear about college frat boys taking advantage of girls all the time."

"She's safe, trust me. She knows a lot of people here and they'll be looking out for her as they always do."

Jane bit her lip. "Are there any stores near here? I could use a Coke."

Loki grinned. "Yes, there are. Come on, Foster. Let's go for a walk."

They started out their trek in silence. Jane didn't know what to say. She and Loki were never alone together unless they were at a party and he was gluing himself to her side.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye and thought that he was handsome in his own way. Thor was like the typical hot jock guy – blond hair, blue eyes, ripped body. But Loki was hot in his own way. He was tall, his black hair was down to his shoulders and curled at the ends (she found this adorable though she'd never tell him), and his blue eyes were piercing. It was as if he could see right through someone. He probably could. Loki possessed some kind of dark magick that Jane wasn't too sure about. The boy watched everything and everyone. He never missed anything.

He didn't dress like Thor – all preppy and perfect. He wore jeans – sometimes black, sometimes not, most often though they were black – and black t-shirts, the once-in-a-blue-moon white t-shirt, sometimes a leather jacket, sometimes a hoodie, and black Docs. He never looked like he smelled like some of his other friends did; he actually smelled really good. She knew because she had been close enough to him to catch a whiff every now and again.

She wondered why he didn't have a girlfriend. He didn't even seem to express any interest in girls. It was like he was above that or something, which both fascinated and irritated Jane.

"You know, sometimes I like to see if I can make you angry enough to punch me again," Loki said.

Jane laughed. "Seriously?"

He grinned at her. "Maybe a little."

"Why would you want me to punch you again?"

"I don't necessarily want you to punch me, I just like to see you get so worked up. You get really passionate and your cheeks get all red. It's cute."

"Did Loki Odinson just say the word 'cute'?"

He frowned at her. "Yeah, so?"

She laughed and pushed him playfully. "I'm teasing you, don't look so worried."

Silence fell between them once again and then softly, Loki asked, "How's your uncle doing?"

Jane sighed. "He's…he's okay. Well, he's getting there anyway. He set some resolutions at the beginning of the year that he was going to come out of his study more, that we would eat dinner together and talk. He promised to talk to people at work and sit with people at lunch instead of hiding out. He's stuck to it so far and it seems to be helping."

"Good."

Their conversation turned to other things, nothing of any importance, but they were learning things about each other and Jane relaxed around him in a way she hadn't before. It felt good, like she could finally breathe around him.

They made it to a nearby convenience store and Jane got her Coke and a package of Twizzlers. Loki grabbed a bottle of water (which Jane teased him about), and a bag of chips. They went outside behind the store and talked some more. They talked until the store closed and then walked back.

Sigyn was beyond pissed when they returned. She started yelling at them for taking off without telling her and then somehow that segued into her crying. She was drunk. Very drunk. It was clear that she could not drive.

Loki took her keys and told Jane he'd drive them home.

Jane gaped at him. "Loki, you're fifteen, you can't drive!"

"So? I can still drive."

"No, I don't think so," Jane said, but then watched as he got Sigyn in the backseat and opened the passenger side door for her. He looked at her expectantly.

"I steal my Dad's car all the time, Jane," he told her. "I can drive fine. Get in."

Jane hesitated.

"Ah, so here is where Miss Goody Two Shoes rears her righteous head," Loki said.

"Fuck you, Loki."

"Get in, Jane! Jesus! I've let him drive before, it's fine!" Sigyn slurred from where she was curled up on the back seat.

"You said you wanted new experiences," Loki said.

Jane pursed her lips together and got in the car. She buckled in and held onto the door. "Hopefully," she said, "I'll be alive for more of them."

"Don't worry so much, Foster," Loki said with a sigh and off they went.

As it turned out, Loki was a good driver. Great even. And Jane knew he was waiting for her to say it. But she didn't. When he got to her house she got out without a word and ran inside without looking back once.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**1994**

Sigyn, her boyfriend Julian (a Harvard college student), Loki, and Jane were planning on heading into Boston for the day. Julian was originally from California and had never really seen much of Boston outside of Harvard Square. Now that it was spring and rather warm, he wanted to see as much of it as he could before he went home for the summer.

Loki told Jane to meet him at his house since he was on the way. Jane didn't really get that logic since she really didn't live all that far away, but it was just Loki being the control freak that he was so she went along with it.

She wished she hadn't. Thor was home when she arrived. He even answered the door. And his new girlfriend was over.

"Jane!" Thor said excitedly and opened the door for her. She entered and he immediately enveloped her in a hug. "It's so good to see you. I was just telling Darlene how you and I used to ride our bikes all over Cambridge when we were kids."

Jane looked at Darlene who looked like she'd sucked on a lemon.

"Is that our Jane?"

Great. Frigga could get in on the uncomfortable action now, too.

Frigga gave her a hug, which never failed to make Jane nostalgic and, well, sad. Frigga made her think of her aunt, her dead mother, and all that she'd missed.

"I don't see you so much anymore," Frigga said. "How are you?"

Jane shifted on her feet. She'd given up the skirts and combat boots and was happily back in jeans and flannels and her Docs. "Good, I'm good. I'm going for my license next week."

"Excellent! And how is your uncle doing?"

"He's good. He's dating, actually. Her name is Mandy; they're taking it very slow."

"I'm so glad," Frigga said with a warm smile. Jane didn't want to go to Boston anymore. She wanted to stay home and hang out with Frigga. Wanted to talk to her about all that had been happening the past few years since she and Thor stopped hanging out and grew apart. She wanted to understand what she'd done wrong to make Thor not want to hang out with her anymore. Had she changed that much? Had he?

"Jane!" Loki exclaimed happily as he bounded down the stairs. He smiled at her. "Hey."

She nodded to him and looked down at her feet. It was a bit awkward with everyone watching them. Even though he and Jane were friends, they didn't do the same things she and Thor used to do. They didn't hang out at each other's houses for hours on end, or at all really. Only on occasions like this when they were waiting for Sigyn to come and get them. It was a weird kind of friendship, but it worked for them.

"Well, Jane, it was good to see you. We'll have to hang out sometime soon," Thor said as he took Darlene's hand and led her down the hall to the kitchen.

He always said that when he had occasion to talk to Jane, typically at school between classes. It never happened. Jane didn't think it ever would. It made her sad now to think of what the loss of Thor's friendship really entailed. His family, save Loki, had been her second family. Or, rather, Frigga had been like a mother figure to her. That had been important, especially when her aunt had been ill and then died. Now, she'd lost Thor and Frigga and it felt as though there was a gaping hole inside her because of it.

Frigga smiled at both Loki and Jane and wished them a good day, and then Jane darted out of the house. Loki was close behind.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded and played with the edge of her flannel shirt.

"It was Thor and his stuck up girlfriend, wasn't it?"

"I'm fine, Loki."

Thankfully their talk was cut short when Sigyn pulled up in front of the house. Jane practically ran to the car and got in behind Sigyn. Sigyn offered her a cigarette; Jane declined. She'd given up smoking when she'd given up the skirts and combat boots.

She spied Thor and Darlene walking down the street together hand-in-hand and Jane thought back to all her fantasies of her and Thor doing something as simple as that together.

Loki let out a grumble beside her and she knew he'd seen her watching Thor and Darlene and was not happy about her reaction to it. So, for the rest of the ride in,

Loki brooded beside her. Jane ignored him; she was brooding too. She was good at ignoring Loki when he got angry at things she couldn't control like her feelings. She didn't understand what his damage was aside from the fact that he and Thor didn't seem to see eye to eye on a good many things these days, but whatever. It's not like she enjoyed still having a crush on Thor. If it was even that anymore. It felt more like an unhealthy addiction. Too bad she couldn't kick it like she'd kicked smoking. Though, in all fairness, she had not been that addicted to smoking. She'd only done it socially. Crushing on Thor was a constant thing, and if he were a cigarette, she would already have emphysema right now.

It sucked up one side and down the other.

When she'd started high school she had been afraid of all the girls that would take his attention away from her, but she had truly thought they would remain as they had been. She had planned for Thor to be her first kiss. Her first sexual experience. She was going to do all of that with him. Instead, she'd done none of it while, rumor had it, Thor was a regular sex machine.

She was seventeen now and had never been kissed. Never been groped. She'd never done anything practically every girl her age had already done. Boys had asked her out a couple times over the past year, but they were boring sucky boys that didn't interest her and she wasn't one to pretend just for the sake of saying she went out on a date.

She started to hum "Save the Best for Last" to herself while watching the city go by. No one heard her; they were all talking. And no one paid attention.

Except when it came to Loki Odinson, nothing really escaped his attention. He'd noted her silence and after they'd parked in a parking garage and made were all walking down the street to Fanueil Hall, Loki said something.

"What are you thinking about, Foster?" he asked her. Sigyn and Julian were ahead of them, holding hands and being all cute and nauseating.

Jane decided to go for honesty. "I'm thinking about how I've never been kissed. I'm not sixteen and never been kissed; I'm seventeen and never been kissed."

Then she charged ahead, running between Sigyn and Julian, forcing their hands to part. Jane laughed and ran across the street to the front of Fanueil Hall. Loki looked thoughtful. Jane wondered what that meant. Sometimes a thoughtful Loki yielded dangerous results.

She put on a happy face now though; she was tired of brooding right along with Loki. It was a beautiful day in Boston and she just wanted to enjoy it as much as she could. Fuck Thor and fuck Darlene.

After lunch in Fanueil Hall they all decided to check out the MFA – Museum of Fine Arts. Jane and Loki squeezed into a seat together on the T to the museum and she was surprised to feel his hand at her back when they made their way out of the train and the usual Boston crowd was pushing to get out. In fact, he kept his hand there all the way out of the train station.

On the way to the museum, Loki ducked into a convenience store to grab a pack of Wintergreen gum, and then they were on their way.

As they strolled through the painting of scary baby Jesus', angels and devils, Jane noted how Sigyn and Julian walked together a few paces ahead while Jane and Loki hung back, and together. It was kind of weird, like she and Loki were on a date, too.

They chatted softly together about the art and Jane was impressed with his knowledge of art. Not that she would ever tell him that though. She just kept silent and listened as he spoke, his voice deep and hypnotic.

Somehow, they'd ended up getting completely separated from Sigyn and Julian, but that was just fine with Jane. They were blowing through the museum and Jane rather liked to take her time. She was in no rush. She liked the quiet contemplativeness of the place, how it basically invited that kind of behavior. Jane didn't mind the quiet, and she knew Loki didn't either. In fact, she and Loki shared many comfortable silences together. Had she and Thor ever done that? No. Thor was a talker.

When they reached her favorite section – the Monet's – she and Loki sat down together on a rather stiff settee. Loki took out his pack of gum and extracted a piece. He unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth while crumbling the wrapper in his hand. Aside from hushed murmurs, that was the only sound in the room. He then held out the package to Jane. "Gum?"

"Sure," she said and plucked out one strip. When she crumbled the wrapper in her hand, Loki held out his hand and she placed the wrapper in his hand next to his. He got up and went to the trash near the archway and chucked them.

They sat together in silence, chewing on gum and staring at the Monet's, both lost in thought. Then, Loki broke the silence.

"I'll kiss you."

Jane stiffened and looked around, wondering who had said that and how they managed to sound like the boy sitting next to her.

"Jane." He sounded exasperated with her already.

She looked at him. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Why would you want to kiss me?"

"You said you'd never done it before. I'll be your first."

"Have you kissed someone before?" she asked.

"What, do you want to check my references?"

She laughed softly, despite how annoyed he sounded. She rolled her eyes at him. "Unclench, Loki. Jesus. You take everything so seriously."

"So do you, Princess."

"Princess? That's new. I'm clearly not a princess."

"You can be."

"I want a fucking tiara then."

He laughed softly. "I'll get you a fucking tiara."

Silence, then, "Well?" he prompted.

She nibbled her bottom lip thoughtfully and then looked at him. "Do you even want to kiss me or is this a pity kiss?"

He looked away from her and mumbled, "I want to."

That was…new. Weird. Kind of interesting…?

What did she have to lose? Loki liked to remind her when she was afraid to do something that she wanted to try new things.

"Okay," she said. "Why not?"

He sighed and shook his head. "Thanks for the enthusiasm."

"I'm sorry, I'm just – what do you want me to do? Do cartwheels across the room?"

He smirked. "I'd actually like to see that."

"I'd get kicked out, so no."

He stood and held out his hand. "Come on. Let's go find somewhere with less people."

"Oh, come on. You don't want to just throw me down on the settee and have at it?" she teased.

He arched a brow and she laughed. He closed and then opened his hand. "Foster."

"Princess."

He laughed again. "Princess Jane, will you come with me please?"

She slipped her hand into his and was surprised at how soft his hands were. And warm. She looked up at him and he looked directly into her eyes as he closed his hand around hers.

She got up and Loki moved quickly out of the room and through the other rooms. Jane laughed when she stumbled and then slapped her free hand over her mouth. "Loki," she hissed. "My legs are shorter than yours!"

"Well, whose fault is that?"

She laughed, the thrill of running through the MFA exhilarating her – even if they were getting glares from everyone.

Finally, Loki slowed to just walking briskly and pulled her into the Greek portion of the museum. He stopped before a trash can and spit out his gum. Jane followed suit. He then pulled her behind a sarcophagus. A statue of Artemis without limbs stood in front of it. There was no one in the room with them.

Jane was still laughing from running through the museum and when she felt Loki put one hand on the side of her face, she looked at him and was stunned to not only find him so close, but to find him looking so…_hungry. _

Now she felt nervous. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know _how_ to kiss and could she kiss Loki when he looked at her like that? And _why_ was he looking at her like that? She was about to tell him no, forget it, when he pressed his lips to hers. Hers parted in surprise. Loki pressed harder, and moved his lips against hers.

Warmth and excitement rushed through Jane and she found her hands going up to his chest and resting there. Loki pulled her closer still and practically bent her backwards as he kissed her again and again and again.

Loud laughter echoed in the room and Jane started and pushed away from Loki. She looked across the room to see some teenagers laughing together as they made their way into another room.

She looked at Loki who was breathing heavy and watching her closely. Jane cleared her throat; she didn't know what to say. She looked down, shifted her weight from one foot to the other and dug her hands in her jeans.

"Um, wow, right?" she said with a light laugh.

He nodded. "Right. Wow."

She shifted her weight again and felt her cheeks begin to redden. "We should go find Sig and Julian."

He was still staring at her. "Yes, we should." But he didn't move.

So Jane did. Quickly.

For the rest of the day she found it very hard to look Loki in the face and she couldn't figure out why.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just a shout out to Imogen74 for her help. And because she's just awesome :) **

**Chapter Seven**

Sigyn graduated that year and over the summer she, Loki, and Jane spent all their time together before Sigyn moved to the Boston University campus. She wasn't that far away, but Jane still felt the loss. A person going away was hard for Jane. She inevitably felt abandoned even though she knew rationally it was not personal. It was just life moving on. She just hated how she felt like life was moving on without her and she was staying in the same place, never changing.

Now it was just Jane and Loki.

They never brought up the kiss they'd shared. It was almost as if it hadn't happened. The only thing that reminded her of it was that Loki still called her Princess. Every once in a while though, Jane would think of that kiss. And she'd find her heart would race just at the memory of it.

Loki Odinson was a fabulous kisser.

At least, Jane thought he was. She didn't have really anything to compare it to.

And then along came Steve Rogers.

Super nice, super dorky, and super smart, if not a little too beefcake-ish for Jane, he was new and ended up in her chemistry class. It was the second week of her senior year when Steve asked her out. Jane agreed.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Loki asked over lunch that same afternoon.

Jane picked at her fruit salad. "I have a date."

Loki laughed. "No, Foster, I'm serious."

She looked up at him and glared. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I can't have a date?"

Loki's smile fell away. "You're serious."

"Yes, I'm fucking serious. What are you trying to say? I'm unlikable?"

"I'm not trying to say anything! I'm just surprised is all. Geez, Foster, get the two-by-four of your ass."

"I told you I have a date and you laughed. What do you think I'm supposed to infer from that?"

"Princess, stop it."

Jane looked away from him. It wasn't fair to call her Princess like that when she was pissed. It always, for some bizarre reason, took the wind right out of her sails. It made her feel special for some reason when he called her that. It was strange, and it didn't make much sense, but there it was.

"I didn't mean it the way you inferred it," Loki told her gently. "I am just surprised since you don't seem to show much interest in anyone except…"

"I know," Jane murmured.

"Who is it? Whom are you going out with?"

"Steve Rogers, the new kid."

Loki blanched at that.

"What?" Jane asked, her defensiveness growing again.

"He'll bore you to tears."

Jane rolled her eyes. "He's my lab partner in chemistry and he hasn't yet."

"Might be the work you're doing."

"Oh, Jesus. You know this from all the conversations you've had with him?"

"I've seen enough of him and his Gee-Golly-Shucks routine to know he is not a good match for you."

"It's a date, Loki. I'm not looking to settle down with him. Christ. Maybe you should go on a date with someone and get the two-by-four out of _your_ ass."

"Well, there is that Russian exchange student Natasha…"

For some reason this pissed Jane off even more. She was not about to analyze why at all either. Just no. Instead, she got to her feet and grabbed her tray. "Yeah, why don't you do that?" she said and stalked off.

xxxxxxxxx

It didn't last long with Steve, even though sticking it to Loki made her consider not ending things so hastily. But, he was right. Steve was boring. And way too nice. The kind of nice that set her teeth on edge.

Loki did end up dating Natasha, but it seemed that he had bailed on her at the same moment Jane had dumped Steve. Then Steve asked Natasha out. Jane just rolled her eyes. God, when the fuck was high school and its drama going to be _over_?

Strangely though, Thor was paying more attention to her again. She liked to think it had something to do with her having dated Steve and them seeing each other in the same places while Thor was out with whomever the hell he was dating now, but she didn't think that was the case. He didn't care enough about her anymore to be jealous.

For Halloween, which fell on a Saturday, Sigyn and Julian gathered up Loki and Jane and they all went to Salem for the festivities. It wasn't Jane's first time in Salem on Halloween, but it felt more special than before. Probably because they were all together again and all felt right in Jane's world. Afterwards, Sigyn was going to take them back to her dorm. Her roommate was out of town that weekend and so she was going to let Jane and Loki crash in her dorm room.

Though none of them dressed up, Jane did buy a headband with devil horns to wear in a shop they went into. On impulse, she grabbed another pair for Loki. He laughed when she presented them to him. Whatever ice had been between them for the past few weeks thawed in that moment.

The crowd in Salem on Halloween was always massive as streets were closed down and traffic diverted to accommodate the hordes of people that visited The Halloween Capital of quite possibly the world. They took their time navigating through the crowd, making their way through the carnival that was downtown, the dancing that was going on at the common, and even some of the shops. There was a myriad of haunted tours going on, but none of them really wanted to partake in that. They just wanted to see all the people decked out in elaborate costumes.

"Let's keep track of our favorites," Loki said to her at one point after she'd just gotten excited seeing a couple dressed as Rhett Butler and Scarlett O' Hara.

She smiled over at him, noting how his hand was at her back and how he was glued to her side through the sometimes cloying crowd. "We should make a game of how many slutty variations on costumes we see."

Loki grinned. "How about we keep a tally of who points out more. Then whoever is shy at the end of the night has to buy the winner a souvenir or something."

Jane nodded eagerly. "Let's do it!"

Jane was winning their game, and towards the end of the night while in one of the witch shops, she became fascinated by the various colorful stones on display and their different meanings, which were posted in the bins they were separated into. Jane picked up a rose quartz, said to attract love and increase self-esteem. It was a pretty pink and felt like home in her hand. She fingered it, rubbing the pads of her fingers into grooves and over the edges.

"Is that what you want, Jane?" Loki asked as he came up beside her. He had his hand on her back again and he stood very closer to her.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I think so."

He peered down at meaning of the stone and looked thoughtfully at her. "I wonder – are you looking to attract love or love yourself?"

"Both," she said.

He didn't say anything, but there was an expression that passed over his face that Jane couldn't decipher. He held out his hand. "Give it to me. I'll pay for it."

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to let go of it. I'll go up with you to the register."

After Loki paid for the stone that Jane would not relinquish, she held it gripped in her hand and swore it was doing something to her already. She wasn't sure how, but she just felt a little bit calmer, a little bit happier. She even felt warmer towards Loki.

When she wanted him to see something, she touched his arm to get his attention and would even let it linger there longer than she needed to. He responded in kind by touching her more as well. It was exhilarating and scary, but for once Jane didn't want to think about it, she just wanted to go with it.

Later, when they were cold and tired, they all gathered back into the car and headed to Sigyn's. Julian and Sigyn were of course going to share a bed. It felt a bit awkward to Jane for her and Loki to be in the same room as Julian and her boyfriend, but then Loki came up with the brilliant idea for he and Jane to sleep in the little lounge area that Sigyn shared with the other roommates. Apparently, the small lounge was kind of like a quad in the middle of four dorm rooms. There was only one other suite that had people in it, but Sigyn said they never left their room so it wouldn't be a problem. And since each area was closed off, no one would be randomly strolling by.

"Head to toe?" Jane asked Loki. He nodded, and they set their sleeping bags up.

And then they say in the middle and chatted about this and that, about Salem and the costumes they'd seen. Silence fell after a while, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Without a word he reached over and took her hand that was rolling her stone around and around in her palm and just looked down at it as it rested there.

"Jane?" Loki asked quietly, almost nervously.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you again?"

Jane wasn't sure what shocked her more. The fact that he'd asked to kiss her again, that he clearly must want to, or the fact that she didn't even have to think about what answer she should give. She just said, "Yeah." And that was it. She and Loki were kissing.

Jane didn't know how long they kissed for, but somehow she did end up on her back on the couch on top of her sleeping bag with Loki on top of her and his hand creeping up her side from _under_ her shirt. He broke the kiss long enough to look down at her and she was struck with the urge to swipe some hair from his face. Was that too intimate though? How was that too intimate but kissing was not? She had been touching his arm all night, more than she'd needed to, but to push hair from his face felt as though some kind of line would be crossed. Touching his arm was one thing, it was a flirty thing (had she really been flirting with Loki all night?), but pushing hair from his face felt more…affectionate, intimate, and like something a girlfriend would do. It was a line she felt she couldn't cross.

"Jane," he asked as he lifted up a little. "Have you…did you and Steve…do anything?"

She furrowed her brow. "Are you asking if Steve and I had sex?"

"Yes." Why did he look almost worried about her response?

"No, of course not. We only went out a few – oh my God. You had sex with Natasha."

"No, I – I mean, we did stuff. We almost…we fooled around."

Jane pushed her off of him and sat up against the arm rest, grabbing her stone that had fallen onto the couch while they'd been making out. "What kind of stuff did you do?"

"She gave me a blow job."

Jane's eyes went wide. "And?"

"I…went down on her."

"Wow," she whispered and then looked down. She was feeling something about this. Something she wasn't comfortable feeling. It made her angry. "Why didn't you just fuck her then?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said softly.

"She sounds like a slut."

"She's not. It's just different over there, I guess."

"I don't care. I don't like her."

"Jane," Loki began and reached out a hand to her. She turned away from him and he dropped his hand. "Why are you mad at me?"

She didn't know. She just was. She felt…hurt by this new development. Betrayed somehow, especially after how she'd felt all soft towards him all night. It didn't make any sense and it frustrated the ever-living fuck out of her. She looked at him, her mind whirling with all sorts of thoughts and ideas. "Maybe you should teach me that stuff."

His head went back. "What?"

"Maybe you should teach me how to do the stuff you did with Natasha."

"Why?" he demanded.

"So I know how to do them. So I can do it for some guy that—"

"Shut up," he said harshly and got up off the couch.

"Why are _you_ mad at _me_ now?" she asked.

He shook his head and let out a low, rather harsh laugh. "Foster, you really do drive me round the bend."

"What's that supposed to mean? Why? How?"

"Forget it."

"No, tell me."

"I said forget it."

"Fine, fuck you then."

He whipped around, eyes flashing, and Jane wondered if perhaps she'd poked the bear a bit too much. He stalked over to her and she glared defiantly up at him. He wasn't going to scare her.

"Fine, you want me to teach you how to do that stuff? I will. What do you want to do first, eh? Do you want me to get you off first?"

He didn't think she'd do it. So that just made her want to do it all the more.

"Yes," she said and, to show him how unafraid she was, she stood up and took off her yoga pants and then her panties. She lay down on top of her sleeping bag, trying not to shake, and looked up at him challengingly.

Loki just stared at her in shock. Good. She liked shocking him. Then he picked up her panties and her pants and sat down next to her. She noticed that he was gripping her clothes so tightly his hand shook and the whites of his knuckles showed. "I want to," he said on a whisper. "I want to, but you're not…you're not ready. You just want to, to prove something to me and maybe to yourself as well."

Perhaps it was because he was right and she was overtired and frustrated with whatever stupid jealousy she was feeling over Loki and Natasha, but she started to cry. Loki didn't even question it; he just pulled her into his arms and held her.

When she was cried out and now felt incredibly stupid, she pushed out of Loki's arms, took her yoga pants and panties from him, and scurried to the bathroom to put them back on. When she emerged, Loki was still sitting there with an unreadable expression on his face. He looked up at her and smiled gently. "Okay?"

She nodded.

"Do you want me to…to hold you?" he asked softly.

"No," she replied. And then realized how harsh that may have sounded. "No, I mean, I'm okay, thanks."

He nodded, and got up, shuffling to the direction of the bathroom. She'd hurt his feelings. She hadn't meant to, but she had. Having Loki hold her as they slept though? That was too…too couple-y. She crawled into her sleeping bag and waited for Loki to return.

When he returned he crawled into his sleeping bag, shut the overhead light out, and they lay there in silence. This time, it was uncomfortable.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

About a week before Thanksgiving, Thor told Jane that his mother wanted to know if Jane and Erik could join them for Thanksgiving dinner.

Jane looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah, why do you look so shocked by that?" Thor asked.

"Because Loki hasn't mentioned it at all and I've seen him every day for lunch this week," she said.

Thor shrugged. "He's weird? I don't know. So, do you think you can come?"

"Probably, but let me just double check with my uncle first."

"Great. Hey, maybe this year you'll come to the football game," Thor said with a grin. "It'd be nice to see my best friend there."

He walked away then leaving Jane thoroughly and utterly confused. Best friend? What had he meant by best friend? As far as she knew they hadn't been best friends since freshman year. Didn't you hang out with your best friend on a regular basis? Didn't you share things with them?

"It sounds like he's confusing best friend and oldest friend," Sigyn told her when Jane had called to tell her what Thor had said. She'd needed someone to analyze that comment with, and who better than wise Sigyn? Loki just got pissy when it came to Thor.

"Your oldest friend doesn't necessarily have to be your best friend," Sigyn went on to say. "Sometimes they're not. You're his oldest friend, and he probably feels that when he talks to you, you guys can just pick up where you left off like no time had passed. I have friends like that, but they're not my best friends."

"I never feel like no time has passed," Jane said. "I am always aware of just how much time has passed."

"Because you still like him."

"How can I still like someone that says shit like that but pretty much dropped me after my aunt died? It's fucked up." Jane was thoroughly disgusted with herself; she almost couldn't blame Loki for being disgusted with her too when it came to Thor.

"Yeah, it's like liking someone who never sees what's right in front of them, like liking someone who is always looking elsewhere."

"I don't know that Thor was actively looking elsewhere…it was like he just fell into this new group of friends and he just got caught up in it."

Sigyn sighed. "Jane…"

"What?"

She sighed again. "Forget it. But wait, no. Let me ask you something."

"What?"

"Is Loki your best friend?"

Jane laughed. "No. How can he be? I can't talk to him about this stuff with Thor. He gets all crabby when it comes to Thor. You're my best friend, Sig. You're the one I called to talk to about this after all."

"How would you feel if Loki considered _you_ his best friend?"

"He doesn't," Jane said. "I don't think Loki thinks about things like that. He's just friends with whomever he's friends with and that's it. Claiming someone as his best friend? He's above that."

"Everyone needs a best friend, Jane."

"Then I would say you're probably his best friend. I don't even know what Loki and I are really. Friends, but… not really. We still have that mutual distrust of each other that's carried over from childhood. It's like it's ingrained in us both and we don't know how to shake it no matter what we do."

"He's not a bad friend to have, Jane," Sigyn said softly. "He'd do anything for y—for his friends."

For some reason this talk about Loki was making Jane uncomfortable. She kept thinking: I kissed him and he's not my best friend? Not even really my friend? How is this possible? But whatever she and Loki were to each other it worked, sort of. So why change it?

"It's not that I don't like him," Jane said. "I do. Sometimes anyway. Most times I guess…it's just, why does my relationship with him have to change? Why can't it be the way it is now? Out of all the inconstant things in my life, the way Loki and I are to each other is a constant. We will always only get so close before we repel like magnets. I think it's okay to know your boundaries with someone, don't you?"

Silence fell for so long that Jane asked if she was still there. Sigyn spoke then and her voice shook a bit. "I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

Jane hung up wondering what in the world she'd said that had made her friend sound so upset.

xxxxxxx

Her uncle had agreed to go to the Odinson's for Thanksgiving dinner and while a part of Jane was really looking forward to it, a part of her was really nervous about it too. Who did she hang out with? Thor or Loki? If Thor asked her to come to his bedroom would she be slighting Loki? And if Loki asked her the same, would she be slighting Thor?

Turned out that Loki wasn't much help. When they all congregated in the Odinson formal room for appetizers and drinks after Thor's game – in which Jane attended and Thor hadn't noticed – Loki sat off in the corner alone, looking broodier than usual. He didn't contribute to the conversation Jane found herself in with Thor about music, so what was she supposed to do? There were times when she was really just sick to death of Loki's ever-changing moods.

After dinner, Thor and Odin went outside with her uncle Erik to toss a football around. Jane watched them from the warmth of the closed sliding glass door in the kitchen while Frigga prepared coffee for everyone. She added cinnamon to the beans before she grinded them just as Aunt Carol had taught her to do. This brought on a wave of emotion that Jane hadn't been expecting. She stood there with tears welling up in her eyes, watching Frigga move about the kitchen like she was some kind of fucking June Cleaver.

"Jane, sweetheart, are you all right?" Frigga asked, noticing her standing there with tears in her eyes.

Jane nodded. "Just thought of my aunt while watching you." She hastily wiped her tears away and forced a smile. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Jane, do you want to listen to the new Nine Inch Nails CD I got?" Loki asked from the doorway.

Jane looked over at him and then at Frigga. Frigga smiled at her. "Go on, dear."

Jane nodded and followed Loki up to his bedroom. She'd only been in his bedroom a handful of times and never for very long. She'd mostly caught glimpses of it when she and Sigyn had stopped by to get him. He didn't have much going on aside from a Monet and Jackson Pollock print he'd gotten from the MFA. His walls were painted gray, slate gray, with white trim and all his furniture was dark wood and his bed linens black.

She sat at the end of his bed and watched him slip the CD into his complicated looking stereo system across his room. His TV sat on a tall nightstand facing his King sized bed. Jane clasped her hands together and sat up straight, looking at her reflection in the TV.

Loki sat down beside her after the music had started to play and they stared across his room in silence.

"Is Sigyn your best friend?" she asked after a minute.

"I…I guess? I haven't really thought about it."

"Because you're friends with whomever your friends with and don't really think about putting labels on them, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, I like who I like—"

"I told her the same thing," Jane said proudly. "She asked how I'd feel if you said I was your best friend and I told her that you don't think in terms of best friends."

He shifted on the bed and she could hear the rustle of sheets under him. He hadn't made his bed. Jane never did either. "Do you think in terms like that?" he asked.

"Not anymore I guess. I used to. When Thor and I… I mean, when you're kids you do that shit. I think as you get older it doesn't matter as much."

"How did all this best friend talk come about?"

So, Jane told him about her conversation with Thor and what he'd said, but that diverted her to another topic. "How come you never told me about the invite?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I didn't think you'd want to be around Thor and have it be awkward. I know how much you hate awkward situations."

"Sometimes I think he just says things just to say them. Like, he doesn't think about how something he's said might be interpreted a certain way."

"For example?"

"When he told me about today and then mentioned going to see his game because 'it'd be nice to see my best friend there'. I mean…what is that nonsense? How am I still his best friend? So I go, thinking maybe we are and I've just been all bitchy and moody about everything, but then no –I told him I went and he couldn't give a crap less."

"I think Thor spends ninety percent of his time talking about of his ass, personally. He gets it from our father."

Jane sighed. "I just wish I knew where I stood with him and I don't think he even knows. Or cares. I don't think he even thinks about it. He thinks about me only when I'm standing right in front of him, but when I'm not there I cease to exist."

Loki said nothing, which irritated Jane because basically that was what he thought too. She jumped to her feet and raked a hand through her long hair. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"He's an idiot, Foster."

"No, he's – " Jane broke off and sighed. "Sure, okay. Yes, he is. And one day I'll be over this stupid…whatever it is."

"I do hope one day you will be too," Loki said softly. He cleared his throat. "For your sake."

"Loki! Jane! Dessert!"

Jane smiled over at Loki. "Awesome. I've been eyeing that pecan pie since we got here."

Loki just smiled at her and followed her out of the room. He stayed quiet for the rest of the afternoon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine **

It was pretty much understood that Jane was going to attend MIT. It didn't stop her from applying to other places though, but she knew she wanted to go to MIT. She had ever since she'd first stepped foot on the campus. With her grades and with the fact that her uncle worked there, there was no doubt that would get in. But, she was encouraged to apply to a "safety" just in case and she did, plus to Yale and Harvard, just to see if she could get in.

Jane also took a seasonal part-time job that would end sometime in January after the holidays were well and truly over. It was nice to have her own money and she kind of wished her job would last longer than January. It wasn't glamorous – she was working at a CVS – but it was kind of fun getting to work with some of the local college kids.

Christmas came and went without anything of particular interest happening – well, unless one counted the new car she got. It was a gray 1987 Toyota Camry and kind of hideous looking, but it was a vehicle that would get her where she needed to go so she didn't have to take the T anymore and that was just fine with Jane. Later that night, her uncle invited a woman from work, Nancy, to come over for dessert. After his initial foray into the dating world hadn't gone that well, he'd given up. Then Nancy had started as a professor of engineering and her uncle appeared to be smitten.

His distraction with Nancy made it a lot easier for Jane to make plans for New Year's Eve with Sigyn, Loki, and Julian. They planned to head into the heart of Boston and get a hotel room there for First Night. Julian knew a guy that worked at the Boston Harbor Hotel and they could get a room there for a quarter of what it usually cost.

The Boston Harbor Hotel was gorgeous and Jane couldn't wait. Since she was working, she insisted on having her own room. If she was going to spend a night in a luxury hotel, she was going to enjoy the hell out of herself.

When Loki found out she was planning to have her own room, he decided he wanted to share it with her. "I'll sleep on the floor. Or have a cot brought in."

"Would the Boston Harbor Hotel even _have_ a cot?" Jane drawled. "Jesus, Loki, your father is richer than God. Why don't you ask him to get you a room?"

He rolled his eyes at her and said a bit tersely, "Fine."

First Night was fun, but fucking cold. Several times over the course of the night Jane found herself pressed up against Loki's side, his hand rubbing her arm vigorously over her winter coat in an effort to keep her warm. His scarf was wrapped up to his eyes, and it amused Jane to the point that she found a store that sold scarves while they were walking around Boston and bought one just to wrap her face up in it like Loki. He laughed at her and she found herself giggling.

When the fireworks came to celebrate the incoming New Year over the Boston Harbor, Jane stood in front of Loki and he placed his hands on her hips as they watched the display. On the way back to the hotel, he put her arm through his in an effort to "not lose her to the crowd". Jane rather liked how he took care of her in these moments. She didn't think she needed it, but she appreciated it nonetheless. It made her feel cared for and kept thoughts of Thor at bay.

Once they arrived at the hotel, Sigyn and Julian departed to their room while Loki and Jane departed to theirs. They were all together in a row of opulent rooms with incredible views of the ocean. Plush carpets, large televisions, overstuffed couches, and beds so high Jane felt she needed a step stool to get into it. Everything was gold and mahogany and Jane wished she was staying for more than one night.

She took a long leisurely shower and changed into her yoga pants and tank top and climbed into her bed to read for a while when a knock came at her door. Frowning, she got up and went to the door. She found Loki standing there when she peered through the peephole. She opened the door and looked at him in question. "Something wrong?" she asked.

He held up what looked like a box wrapped in white shimmering paper. She looked at him. "A present?"

He nodded and smiled.

"But I didn't get you anything and Christmas was, ya know, last week and we don't usually exchange—"

"Foster, calm down. I just saw it and thought you might like it." He thrust it at her. "Open it."

She bit her lip and waved him inside. After locking the door she sat down on the bed and tore into the present with Loki sitting beside her.

She tore into it, more excited than she let on that he'd gotten her a gift. She laughed when she saw what it was. "My fucking tiara!"

He grinned. "Yes. Your fucking tiara."

It was silvery and sparkly with a high peak at the top and Jane loved it. She jumped up off the bed and went to the mirror in the bedroom to put it on. She ran a brush through her hair again first, and then placed it on top of her head. She beamed at herself in the mirror and then turned and looked at Loki, posing for him. "Well? What do you think?"

"I love it, Princess," he said with a tenderness she'd never heard from him before. "It's definitely you."

"Thank you, Loki."

He grinned. "You're welcome."

"I want you to know that I saw this zippo lighter that made me think of you and I almost got it for you but we'd never exchanged gifts before so I didn't—" Loki had gotten up and put his hand over her mouth at that point.

"Jane, it's not a big deal. I saw it. I thought of you and our uh, conversation, and I wanted to get it for you. Thought it might make you laugh."

She took his hand off her mouth and squeezed it. "It did. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured and reached up, tugged on a strand of her hair. "Can I have a New Year's kiss?"

She was about to lean in and kiss him herself when a thought occurred to her and she said it aloud. "Why do we only have these moments when we've spent the day together?"

"Because we've spent the day together," he said matter-of-factly as he placed a hand on her hip and drew her closer. "I don't get you alone much any other time."

"It started happening when we added Julian to the mix. Are you sure you don't have a secret crush on Sigyn?" she teased with a flirty grin.

"I'm very sure," he murmured as he dipped his head closer to hers. "Can I, Jane?"

She nodded and he kissed her gently, sweetly. She placed her hands on his shoulders as he pulled her into his body and wrapped his arms around her. He was an even better kisser than the last time they'd shared kisses, or it was perhaps the fact that she was caught up in the romance of New Years and her tiara, and of Loki always looking out for her when they went out.

Would this work any other time? Like at school? She thought no. She didn't know why she thought no though.

One hand dug into her hair at the back of her head and Jane broke the kiss to gasp, "My tiara."

"Take it off," he growled.

When had Loki become some kind of growly sexy beast? He was making her shiver and feel, well, _girly_. It wasn't a completely unwelcome feeling. Just not one she was used to. She took off her tiara and placed it on the nightstand. Loki drew her back into his arms and kissed her again and again.

Jane wasn't sure what made her rub herself against him, but she did. While his other kisses had been enjoyable there was something different about them now. Something hotter and more intense. Was it him? Was it her? The both of them?

"Jane, do you remember when you asked me if I would…do stuff with you?" Loki asked when he broke the kiss. He was panting.

She nodded.

"I told you I wanted to…"

She nodded again.

"I still want to."

Looking at him now, his hair all mussed, wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of some kind of silky pajama bottoms, she wanted to as well. He'd gotten her a fucking _tiara_. No, it wasn't encrusted with real diamonds or some shit like that, but he'd taken something that had been a private joke between them and gotten her something to commemorate it. It made her feel special. There wasn't enough thoughtfulness in the world, and definitely not in her life.

She liked how Loki made her feel on these special occasions. Even if tomorrow things would go back to normal, here in this room, and on this night, they would be different people. A different version of themselves both as individuals and to each other. Maybe for one night they could be more to each other than what they were.

"Okay," she said. "What do I…how do we start?"

"Let's get on the bed."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Jane rather felt as though she'd taken a step outside of herself for the time being while she explored Loki. She didn't get naked right away, preferring instead for him to get naked so she could go first on him. He'd posed an objection to that, wanting them both to get naked. He also wanted to kiss her a whole lot, but now that Jane had committed to doing this, she just wanted to get to it. He reluctantly agreed.

Seeing him naked was a shock. Seeing any guy naked at that point would have been a shock to her. Granted, she had seen naked pictures of men (like when Loki got that copy of the Joy of Sex), and had once seen a porn (a little awkward to walk into a group of guys watching porn during a party), but she had not seen one live.

He was long and angular, sinewy, with a bulk of muscles in his arms, pecs, and legs. His stomach was flat and there was that indent of hips she'd heard the girls in her class swoon over. Then, of course, there was the penis. He was hard and so it jutted out from his body as though it was reaching out to her and begging her to touch it. The male form was beautiful in its own way if not a bit aggressive looking.

So, she did. She was surprised to find it smooth even though it was so hard. This amazed her for some reason and while Loki told her through a strangled breath how to stroke him in her hand, Jane found she kept looking at what she was doing and marveling about this strange appendage. So this was what a penis looked and felt like, she kept thinking.

It wasn't lust that drove her to take him in her mouth but curiosity. She'd overheard enough girls in the locker room to know that they either hated or loved doing this for their boyfriends or random hookups. It was…different. Not unpleasant as she'd first thought it would be.

She licked him, enveloped the whole of him in her mouth as she'd seen in the porn (okay, so maybe she had watched a little bit of it before leaving the room in embarrassment), and suckled softly at the head. Loki was moaning as he lay flat on his back on the bed and softly spouting off encouragements.

Jane barely paid attention to him. It was just her and his penis and what she could do and discover with it.

"Jane, I'm going to cum," he told her, sounding pained. "Move if you don't want it in your mouth or on your face."

"What did Natasha do?" she found herself asking, and didn't know why.

He just looked at her as if to ask, "What?"

Jane stroked him, squeezing just a little bit as he'd asked (she did listen a little). He erupted and Jane sat back, watching as white jets of cum spurted out of his cock. Some landed on the comforter. Some on his flat stomach and legs.

Curious again, she dipped her finger in a glob on his stomach and brought it to her mouth. It had the texture of cottage cheese – a little bit slimy. And it was a bit salty.

"Jesus fuck, Jane," Loki groaned.

She looked at him and found him looking at her with this expression on his face that she couldn't name. He looked a bit wild, intense, and enraptured.

"Did that feel good?" she asked. "Did I do it right? What did it feel like for you?"

He sat up and reached out, sliding his hand over the side of her face. "It was perfect, Jane. Everything about it was amazing. _You're_ amazing."

Jane knew just enough about sex to know that it made men a little softer, a little fuzzy in the head. She had no technique to speak of so she chalked Loki's praise up to the fact that he'd just had an orgasm and the endorphins released had made him feel good. She was still curious though about what it felt like for him. She wanted details. She knew what it felt like when she masturbated, but what did it feel like for guys?

"Let me just get cleaned up a little and then it's your turn," he said and climbed off the bed. Jane watched him go, and felt a little nervous about it being her turn. She had just showered, so…maybe it was okay.

She got up quickly and undressed, tossing her clothes on the floor. Then she grabbed the Winter Candy Apple Body Spray from Bath and Body Works and spritzed herself all over.

She lay on the bed, flat, just as Loki had done and waited. Her heart was hammering inside her chest. She had never been naked in front of someone before. She sat up and grabbed a pillow and clutched it against her, shielding herself.

Loki came out and stopped when he saw the clothes on the floor. And then her. He sucked in a sharp breath and let it out slowly as though trying to calm himself. He was getting hard again – _already_. Amazing.

"You're…you're naked," he said.

She nodded.

"I want to see. Can I see?"

"I'm surprisingly nervous about that," she said frankly.

"It's me, Jane."

"What does that even mean?" she asked a bit tersely.

He looked hurt by the question – the truly legitimate question. "It means it's me, Jane. It's the guy you hang out with at school, sometimes after school, the guy you do stuff with. The guy who gave you your first kiss. The guy that made sure nothing happened to you today in that crazy crowd of people. The guy you just went down on. The guy—"

"I get it, I get it. You're the guy. That doesn't make me feel any less self-conscious."

He stepped closer and held out his hand. "Princess, please let me see you."

It was quite possible he knew the power that word had on her when he said it. She slipped her hand into his slowly and he gripped it and pulled lightly. She got to her feet and dropped the pillow, making sure to look away. While part of her wanted to see that first gut reaction to her nakedness, the other part was afraid to. That side won out and she stared at the painting of some prairie on the wall.

She heard the swift intake of breath and then, "Jane, look at me."

She pursed her lips together and looked at him. His expression made her take a step back. It made her almost want to run out the room with the sheer intensity of it. It was like something out of a romance movie. He looked at her as though she was a Goddess, something to be revered.

"You are so beautiful," he said solemnly. "The most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

"Well, you're young yet and you've only seen like maybe one girl naked, so…"

"No," he said and shook his head. "You're perfect."

The effect of his orgasm was lasting longer than she'd expected. She got back on the bed and spread her legs. "Now what?"

She heard him sigh; it was a sigh she'd heard him make often when he was annoyed with her. A long suffering sigh. He climbed on the bed and laid down beside her, pulling her toward him with a hand on her hip.

"We did things your way," he said. "Now we're going to do it my way."

"What does _that _mean?"

He answered her by kissing her deeply. So deeply she felt as though she was starting to sink into an abyss. She grabbed his shoulder. He then left her mouth to trail kisses along her jaw and down her neck. She liked that. A lot. He nibbled on her ear, and she liked that, too.

He kept going – her shoulder, collarbone. And then her breasts. Her heard started to pound as he placed a kiss upon the well of it and then laved her nipple with his tongue. She gasped. There was something decidedly erotic about that. She shivered and he grinned at her before going for the other breast.

She gripped the comforter in her hands and forgot how to breathe for a minute. And then he lifted and kissed her mouth again. His hair fell onto her cheek and she lifted one hand and pushed it out of the way and ended up threading her fingers in his hair.

"Jane, I've wanted this – you – so much," he breathed.

She didn't know what to say to that, and with all the sensations in her body she couldn't even process it. She felt that she wanted to freak out about it. She also felt she wanted him to get down to the business of going down on her, too.

Her body was apparently in control now.

She moved restlessly under him and he took the hint. She wasn't sure if she saw a flash of hurt pass over his face or not first…

Loki trailed kisses down her body first by kissing over her heart and then down the valley of her breasts, down her stomach and then…Oh God and _then_ – he parted her thighs and at the first lick of his tongue Jane's whole body started.

Loki meant business though. He swirled his tongue around her clitoris and she moaned. "Like that?" he asked gruffly.

She nodded, but wasn't sure if he could even see her.

He tried different things with his tongue – some things worked, some things didn't, and Jane let him know what didn't and what to get back to doing. Her own orgasm was fast approaching, she knew from having masturbated that it was coming – that she was coming.

She gripped the comforter hard and panted and moaned. Tremors went through her legs and Loki crawled up to her and kissed her hard. "I'm so glad I could do that for you," he breathed.

She looked up at him, his eyes wild again. His expression fervent. She kind of wanted to do more… "Let's have sex," she said. "Do you have a condom?"

Loki froze above her. "What?"

"Do you want to have sex? I want to have sex." Jane wanted to wring more discovery and pleasure out of this night. She didn't want it to end quite yet. Maybe not for forever.

"I – yeah, I have – are you sure, Jane? Really sure?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"I – just let me go to my room," he said as he climbed off her. He hastily tossed on his clothes and grabbed his key off the nightstand. "Don't move. Don't change your mind."

No, she wasn't going to change her mind. Not unless dawn came before he came back because that's when this would all be over.

Loki came back not even two minutes later and Jane sat up as he closed the door. The condom was in his hand and he was wearing her black tank top. She laughed and pointed and managed to get out, "My tank top!"

He looked down at himself and laughed. "I didn't even notice."

"Someone's eager," she said, still laughing.

"Well, yeah," he said, and whipped off the tank top. He then took off his pants and came over to her. He stood by the bed and held up the condom wrapper. "Got it."

Jane arched a brow. "Were you expecting something to happen?"

"I'm always hoping."

Of course. He was a boy. They were always hoping. Jane put the thought of her mind. If she thought about how he'd probably have sex with any girl who offered herself she'd get angry with him. It would take away the special-ness of the moment.

She moved to the edge of the bed and watched him carefully slide the latex over his penis. "Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No. It feels different, obviously, but it doesn't hurt or anything."

She bit her lip. They were really going to do this. "Loki, have you done it with someone and haven't told me yet?"

He shook his head.

"You really didn't go all the way with Natasha?"+

"You'll be my first, Jane," he told her softly. And then he bent down and kissed her softly. "I wanted it to be you," he said.

"Shut up," she said. "Just kiss me and let's do this."

"Jane."

She heard a protest in his voice and she pulled him down and kissed him hard. She then boldly reached out and took his penis in her hand. He moaned, panted, and pushed her back on the bed. She smirked to herself as she scooted back and Loki climbed over her.

He kissed her again and again, despite how restless her body was under his, letting him know to get the show on the road. He got up on his knees and took himself in hand. He pressed it at her opening and then looked at her. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Don't ask me again," she said. "Just fuck me already."

"Don't say that," he said a bit harshly.

She reached out and took him gently in hand, pressing him against her opening. "Please, Loki…"

"It's going to hurt," he warned, looking worried.

"Quick like a band-aid," she told him. "On the count of three just go really fast…"

"One," they said together, eyes locked on each other. "Two…three!"

He surged forward and she cried out in pain. It did hurt. He started to pull out and she stopped him. "Just stay," she said through grit teeth.

He was gritting his teeth as well. He all but collapsed on top of her. "Oh fuck, oh God, oh Jane, I'm inside of you…"

She wanted to tell him she was well aware of the rather large object lodged like a fucking rocket launcher in her pussy. "Kiss me," she said.

He did. All lovingly and sweetly and Jane pressed her lips harder to his and nipped at his lips. He drew back and looked at her. "What was that for?"

"I think you can move now," she said. "Slowly."

He did as instructed and though it hurt less, it didn't feel as good as when he went down on her. She had heard this was common enough so she tried not to feel too disappointed. At least her first time was over now.

Loki though, he was in heaven as he moved faster and faster inside her. And then he came. He slumped against her and Jane idly stroked his back, a bit disappointed that she hadn't had another orgasm – but, sex! She'd had at least had sex.

"You didn't come," he said after catching his breath.

"It's okay. I hear the first time is not that enjoyable for girls," she said. She pushed at him and he rolled onto his back beside her.

"Let me make you come again," he said and rolled onto his side. He placed a hand on her hip but she shook her head.

"I'm fine, Loki," she said. "I actually feel a little sore… and I think I want another shower."

He nodded. "I could join you?"

"In the shower?"

"Yeah, why not?" he grinned. "We could conserve water."

She frowned and shook her head. "No, I want to shower alone," she said. "It's been a night of firsts, but I think the train stops here."

His brow furrowed as he looked at her. "Are you upset with me for some reason? Did I hurt you or something?"

"No, I'm fine."

He didn't look convinced.

"I swear, Loki, I'm fine," she said and placed a hand on his chest. "I just want to shower and go to bed."

He nodded slowly. "You want me to leave?"

She blinked. He wanted to stay? Did he expect she would want him to? "Well, I mean…you have your own room."

He shut his eyes and sighed. Just as Jane was about to ask him if he was okay, he opened his eyes and nodded. "Okay." He got up and climbed off the bed. "I'll see you in the morning."

He got dressed quickly and left, leaving Jane to talk herself out of the fact that she'd done something wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**1995**

The next day it was as Jane knew it would be. The magic had dissipated. Granted, it had started to as soon as she and Loki had "done it", but now in the morning, alone in her hotel room, Jane wondered if she'd made a mistake. Not for any reason other than the fact that she didn't know quite how to face him. There was an intimacy between them now that hadn't been there before. He'd seen her naked. He'd been inside her. She had seen him naked. She had _let _him inside her. She had never thought of sex as this big deal outside of it being this thing that she'd never done and was somewhat of a mystery to her. Now it sort of felt like a big deal because she hadn't anticipated that she would wake up feeling a little different about Loki. They were feelings that made her feel uncomfortable and she tried her best to avoid feelings that made things complicated.

She forced herself to look right at him when they all met in the lobby to check out. "Hey," she said when he came up to them, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He was dressed in fresh clothes – jeans, a t-shirt, leather jacket. His black hair was wet and brushed back. He nodded to her. "Hey."

She then forced herself to smile at him and then went to the desk to check out.

Despite all that, it was still awkward. Jane was hyper aware of him in a new way and she didn't like it. Every move he made beside her in the car, every time he spoke – it felt like a caress to her senses. She looked out the window and didn't engage the whole ride back. She didn't even look at him when she grabbed her stuff from Sigyn's trunk, said goodbye to everyone as a collective whole, and went inside.

On Monday, instead of joining Loki for lunch, she ate alone. And proceeded to do that for the next two days.

Then Sigyn called to ask, "What the fuck was going on with her and Loki."

"What do you mean?" Jane asked innocently.

"I mean that you both sat in the back seat all quiet and shit on the way home from Boston, and there was definite tension there. Not to mention that I've talked to him twice since then and he's been a fucking crab. He told me you're not eating lunch with him anymore, too. So spill. What happened?"

Jane closed her bedroom door and sat down on her bed. "We had sex in the hotel room on New Year's night."

She heard Sigyn's share intake of breath. Then silence. "Then what happened?" Sigyn asked softy.

"Nothing. He went back to his room."

"That's it?"

"Well, yeah. What were we supposed to do, Sigyn?"

"You could have slept in the same bed for the night, Jane."

"What would have been the point?"

"Jesus Christ, Jane!" Sigyn exclaimed. "You just had sex with the guy after he's been crushing on you for fucking ever and you just send him back to his room? No wonder he's been crabby; you devastated him."

Jane was stunned by the revelation that Loki had seriously been crushing on her. When had that happened? Sigyn knew and never told her? Jane was reeling.

"You have no concept of how other people feel, do you?" Sigyn said furiously. "All you know and all you're aware of and care about is how _you _feel about things. It's never occurred to you to consider someone else might have feelings that can be hurt, has it? You're selfish and self-centered, and I can't believe he's wasted all this time loving someone as cold and as thoughtless as you."

Jane was gripping the phone in his hand tightly, unable to believe that Sigyn was saying such things to her. She felt as though the other girl had punched her in the stomach. And she felt like she couldn't breathe. Sigyn was supposed to be her friend and yet she thought these awful things of her? Selish? Self-centered? When?

"Well, do you have anything to say?" Sigyn demanded.

Jane hung up on her. Sigyn yelling at her like that was jarring and the things she'd said hurtful. She'd seen Sigyn go off on people before and she never really gave anyone the chance to defend themselves. Basically, Sigyn wanted to be able to go off on someone and she didn't want to be interrupted and didn't want to listen to the other side. Jane had thought since she and Sigyn were friends if they every had a disagreement it wouldn't go down like that, but obviously it had. And obviously Sigyn thought she was a terrible person – selfish, self-centered, and cared for no one but herself.

That was not true at all. It hurt that Sigyn thought that. Wasn't Sigyn supposed to know better than that as her friend?

Then there was Loki. Jane's mind raced with every conversation and interaction her and Loki had ever had, trying to come up with any indication of his feelings.

They'd kissed, made out, and now had sex, but…oh. What had he said when they'd had sex? That he'd wanted it to be her. That he'd wanted her. She had dismissed those things as just shit guys said in the moment when they had no blood left in their brains. He'd really meant them though?

Apparently yes, because according to Sigyn, Jane had now hurt him. She hadn't meant to hurt him. She hadn't meant to hurt anyone or make them angry and dislike her.

Then she started to get angry. Angry enough to get up and grab her coat, and call out to her uncle that she was going to the Odinson's. She got in her car sped the short distance to the Odinson household and she was pleased when Loki answered the door. He looked stunned to see her. "Jane, what—"

"Can you come outside for a minute so I can talk to you?" she asked.

He nodded and followed her down to her car. They both climbed in and as soon as Loki's door was shut, she turned in the seat and shouted at him, "What the fuck, Loki! You have fucking feelings for me?"

He faced her, stunned. "Who told you—"

"So it's true."

He swore and sighed deeply. "Yes."

"When?"

"Jane—"

"_When_?"

He threw up his hands. "I don't know! Sometime in middle school, maybe?"

Jane gaped at him. "_All _that time?"

"Yes," he said through clenched teeth. "Why are you so angry with me? You're the one that practically tossed me out of your hotel room and then wouldn't talk to me for the past three days!"

"You never said anything!" she shouted at him. "How was I supposed to know? We kissed at the MFA and you never said anything—"

"Why the fuck did you think I wanted to kiss you, Foster?"

"Because you felt sorry for me? Because you're a guy and you saw an opportunity?"

He looked horrified by that. "No! I kissed you because I wanted to. You said you'd never been kissed and I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to be your first—"

"Don't give me fucking first bullshit. Is that why you wanted to have sex, too? To be my first?"

"And for you to be mine," he said softly.

"We kissed at the MFA and nothing happened after. We made out on Halloween night and you never said anything after then either. How was I supposed to know that this was supposed to be some kind of big deal? It was just something we did – like when we kissed and made out. We're not anything more; we're not anything different. We're Loki and Jane, the same as we always have been. We get together a few times and we do stuff and then it's over and we go on. Now I'm the designated bitch because I didn't think having sex was any different from the other times?"

"We had sex, Jane. Of course it's different. Sex changes everything."

"Plenty of people in our school hook up and move on and it doesn't change a damn thing except their reputation. You never said anything after."

"How could I?!" he yelled. "You were kicking me out of your hotel room like you couldn't wait to get rid of me!"

"Then you should have said something before!" she yelled back. "Sigyn just called me and reamed me a fucking new one for being self-centered and selfish because I've been oblivious to the fact that you've had a crush on me for the past who knows how many years. For crying out loud, Loki."

"So then what exactly are you mad at me for?" he asked quietly. "For liking you all this time and never saying it or for Sigyn being pissed at you?"

"All of it!"

"I didn't know how to tell you I liked you, Jane. You've been so fucking hung up on Thor I didn't know how to tell you – Jesus, Jane, how fucking clueless are you? You really couldn't tell at all?"

She pursed her lips together and shook her head. "Apparently I'm too self-centered to notice such things." She was horrified when she welled up in tears. "I didn't know," she said weakly. "I have no experience with anyone liking me like that…"

"We're not all fucking Thor," Loki snapped. He rubbed his forehead and looked out the window. "I'm sorry—" he began.

"For fuck's sake, don't apologize to me!"

"Then what do you want from me?" he asked.

She wanted this conversation to end. She wanted to not feel guilty and terrible and all those bad things Sigyn thought of her. "I want you to get out of my car."

"Jane—"

"Just get out."

"Fine!" he said angrily and got out of the car and slammed it shut. He ran up to the house and Jane sped off.

Tears ran down her cheeks and when she got home, she sat in her car for a long while trying to collect herself. She'd fucked up. Big time. She hadn't meant to hurt Loki, but she had and she'd made Sigyn hate her in the process. If she'd known that Loki had had feelings for her all this time she never would have…she just thought she was an available girl and he didn't care either way…

She wiped at her eyes and stared straight ahead at the parked car in front of her. Well, fuck it. Fuck it all. She didn't need this shit. She hated this feeling, this guilt for hurting another person and of all people Loki whom she was never supposed to be friends with, share kisses with and, shit, have _sex_ with! Loki was her antagonist, he was not the hero of her life; he was not Thor.

That just made her cry harder. Thor wasn't her hero either, but she kept wishing he would be.

It was January. She would be graduating in four months. She just had to suck it up the last few months of school and then it would all be over. She'd go on to college and put it all behind her. Fuck that, she was going to start putting it all behind her now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Graduation had come and gone, and with it the news that Thor would be attending MIT for economics in the fall. That had surprised Jane for she thought he would pursue a school that was really heavy with the sports. Turned out though that Papa Odinson wanted Thor to not focus so much on sports and instead focus on something that would enable him to take over the family business.

Jane didn't even know if that's what Thor wanted to do in life. She didn't even know that had been the plan the whole time. Turned out she didn't care anymore. Thor was no longer her concern.

However, Jane would be attending MIT as well. But for astrophysics. She had been waffling on what she wanted to do for a major – having put undeclared on her applications – but then her uncle had suggested she take an astronomy class that the city rec department was hosting just to see if she liked it and she'd fallen in love with everything about it. The class had only met once a week for four weeks over the summer but Jane had probably checked out every book on the stars she could get her hands on at the library in the interim.

She wasn't exactly thrilled that Thor would be attending MIT as well, but she comforted herself with the knowledge that at least she wouldn't see much of him, if at all. The torch she had carried for him had been snuffed out and she wanted to keep it that way.

Since that night she and Loki had it out in her car, Jane had stopped having lunch with him altogether. Sigyn had tried to call a few weeks after the infamous phone call, but Jane didn't return her call.

They were better off without her.

She spent the last few months of school hanging out with Darcy and her merry band of automatons, only after apologizing profusely for blowing them off for so long. What a joke.

College would be her do-over and she was going to do it up nice. No more drama, no more bullshit, no more wondering where she fit in (turns out she fit in nowhere at all). She would be more open to people and to guys. She would actually give guys a chance instead of judging them so harshly so quickly.

During her first week of school, Jane made an effort to talk to her classmates and made herself look as approachable as possible in the commuter café. Thor showed up on Thursday afternoon and sat with her. It was the first time she'd seen him since school started.

"Jane Foster," he said with that grin that _used_ to make her heart flutter. He sat down at her table. "Mind if I join you?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Not at all. How's school treating you?"

"It's going well. What about you?"

"Great."

"Maybe you can help me find this lecture hall…"

For the next hour Thor and Jane talked as if no time had passed at all. They chatted about their summer, their classes, and about how different everything felt from high school (and how wonderful that was).

Every week after that for the next two months, Jane and Thor would have lunch together – same bat time, same bat channel. They never really talked about anything of importance, but that was fine with Jane. They didn't need to. They could just be sort of friends by circumstance because they had a history and now attended a school in which they knew next to no one. Although, Jane was making strides with the girls in her classes and some of the boys, too. It was just hard sometimes to make friends and Jane had never found it very easy. She was too closed off; too reserved. And those other things Sigyn had told her so long ago that didn't feel that long ago at all.

One afternoon, while talking about high school friends, Jane commented how she had only started to hang out with Loki and Sigyn because she was sick of Darcy and Thor had dropped her.

"Whoa, wait," Thor said and looked at her in surprise. "What do you mean I dropped you?"

She looked at him as if to say _are you fucking kidding me?_ In fact, she said it a second later.

"I didn't drop you, Jane. I always considered you my friend. It was just, I don't know, I got caught up in all the crap I was doing…you really thought I dropped you?"

"Well, yeah," she said. "Because you did. It doesn't matter if you always considered me a friend or not. It didn't feel like you did, and you certainly never went out of your way to prove otherwise."

"You sound angry," he said.

She supposed she did. Because she had been. Maybe still kinda was. Had Thor not strayed how might have things been different? It was probably best not to dwell on that junk. Nothing could change the past so it was what it was.

"I am a little I guess," she said. "You were a shitty friend. I didn't think you were my friend at all."

He reached across the table and covered his hand in his big meaty paw. "Jane. I'm sorry. And I mean that. I had no idea and you're right. There was no excuse at all for my behavior. Forgive me?"

She felt something shift inside her, a loosening of old hurts, and some of that old attraction she'd had for Thor felt disturbingly close to happening again. She pulled her hand back and thought about his apology.

"Jane?" he prompted.

"Well, here's the thing, Thor. I say yes and we become real friends again, not this pseudo friends bullshit because we happen to know each other at this school and have a history."

"Okay," he said slowly.

"But I'm afraid if I agree to that you'll just drop me again once you make start making friends and I'll be left behind again."

He shook his head adamantly. "That won't happen, Jane. Now that I know how terribly I behaved and how I hurt you, my oldest friend, I won't let that happen again."

Oldest friend. Where had she heard that before?

"Okay, fine," she said. "We'll be friends again."

He smiled. "Great."

"But if you drop me again, I'll kick your ass. I don't care how buff you are now thanks to Crew." Crew was the one sport Thor was allowed to do and he seemed to like it a lot. Jane wasn't sure if that was because it was the only sport he could do, or if he truly liked the sport in and of itself.

He laughed. "Agreed."

"Great."

But she didn't trust him, not fully. Not until he asked her if she wanted to catch a movie after school one afternoon. She agreed, and noted with some nostalgia that not much had changed in their dynamic. Perhaps Thor (and Sigyn) was right. Perhaps they had always been friends, they just hadn't always talked. Perhaps she just needed to get over herself. Not everything was black and white. There were some gray. And not everyone thought the way she did. It was possible she had overreacted to how Thor had treated her in high school and had overlooked the fact that he was in fact still there for her and had just needed to reach out to him.

When she asked, finally, how Loki was, Thor had gotten a bit quiet. That worried Jane. "What is it?" she prompted. "Is he okay?"

"Loki and I don't talk much these days. He and my father are butting heads on a regular basis and no one can seem to reach him, not even our mother. He's just angry all the time and he won't talk to anyone. Well, except for Sigyn, who he is now apparently dating much to my parents chagrin."

There was a roaring in Jane's ears and whatever else Thor said she didn't hear. All she'd heard was that Loki and Sigyn were dating. She thought back to that long ago conversation about how Sigyn had a crush on Loki in high school. She had seemed over it considering she did date Julian when she started college.

Maybe that had been the problem all along. Jane had intruded in their story. If Sigyn and Loki were supposed to be together all along then Jane was the antagonist in Loki's story just as he was the antagonist in hers. He'd entertained a puppy love crush on her but it hadn't been real because the person he was supposed to end up with Sigyn all along. Jane had been in the way. Now they were together and could team up to hate her.

Jane didn't ask any more questions about Loki. She didn't want to know any more. She knew more than enough already. But then, of course, Thor had to ask: "What happened with you and Loki anyway? You guys were friends there for a while and then I never saw you two together after New Years."

She shrugged. "Just a falling out that never healed itself. You know how it is with Loki and I. We've never really gotten along all that great."

Thor frowned. "I don't know…you guys seemed rather close actually. To me anyway. And my Mom. She thought maybe you guys would date at some point."

"We seemed close?" Jane asked. "Really?"

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, why do you look so surprised?"

"Because I am. I never felt that Loki and I were all that close."

"Jane, you guys weren't kids anymore. It was okay to be friends with him. He wasn't out to get you."

Why did it feel as though there were so many things that had been going on that she just hadn't been aware of? Oh, right. Because there had been. Her perception of everything had been off in more ways than one and for so long. But did it matter now? She was in college, starting a new adventure.

Jane changed the subject. She'd put all of that behind her and it was best to keep it there. But…now she had to wonder. Now that she and Thor seemed to be on the right track again did that mean sometime down the line they would have another chance to be all that they weren't in high school?

No. That was the past, too. Better to keep it there.

Then one afternoon after cutting classes to tool around Boston Jane found those old feelings for Thor had resurfaced.

_Fuck. _

1996

Despite the fact that her feelings for Thor were back, that didn't stop Jane from accepting a date with Bruce Banner. He seemed like a really nice guy, if not a little tense sometimes. He was in one of her classes and she had fun bouncing ideas off him.

Thor, much to her surprise, had bristled a bit at the idea of her going out with Bruce. When she'd questioned him further, he told her how he'd stories about Bruce and something to do with anger management issues.

He seemed pretty zen to Jane and she maybe stupidly hoped that Thor's problem was that he was jealous. But then Bruce nearly got into a fight with some jackass that knocked into him at the movie theater and she thought maybe not.

She made friends, a small group of girls she had lunch with throughout the week and went out and did stuff with. Their names were Pepper, Peggy, and Gamora. They were quite awesome in Jane's opinion and she enjoyed having more girlfriends.

Summer came and Jane started working at CVS again. Her hours varied, which was a bitch, but she sucked it up. Then one afternoon while she was stocking cosmetics, Sigyn and Loki came in. Sigyn saw her, they locked eyes, and then Sigyn looked away.

Jane decided to take her break to avoid them both.

She couldn't avoid them forever though. One night she and Thor had made plans to go into Harvard Square with a few people and she met him at his house so they could all head to the T together. Pepper, Peggy and Gamora were with her when Frigga came to the door to let them in while they waited for Thor. (Thor was worse than a woman when it came to getting ready sometimes).

Frigga was chitchatting with Jane and her friends in the kitchen when Loki and Sigyn came home from wherever they'd been. Loki stopped dead when he saw Jane. Sigyn curled into his side.

Jane decided to go for casual and she nodded to them both. "Hey."

"Hey," Loki said.

"Loki! Did you and Sigyn have a good time at the beach?" Frigga asked.

Loki nodded and glanced at his mother before returning his focus to Jane. "Yeah, we did."

"I even got him to put his feet in!" Sigyn said with a happy grin.

Frigga's smile thinned somewhat. Interesting.

"How are you, Jane?" Loki asked.

"Great, thanks. Oh, uh, congrats on graduating. Do you know where you're going to school yet?" Jane asked. So far so good. She was mighty impressed with herself.

"Looks like I'll be going to MIT too," he said.

Before Jane could even process that, Thor came barreling into the kitchen, a few of his friends trailing behind him. "Ready?" Thor asked her with a wink.

"You bet," Jane said and practically ran to her car.

"Holy shit, Jane, that was Thor's younger brother?" Gamora said as soon as they were in her car.

Jane tapped the steering wheel, waiting for Thor to pull out in front of her. "Yep."

"I'm sensing a story," Peggy said from the backseat.

"And that girl that he was with? Could she have glared any harder?"

"Definitely a story there," Gamora said. "Spill, Foster."

So, Jane did, even though she really didn't want to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

All three of Jane's friends thought she had been blinder than blind about Loki. Especially after he didn't take his eyes off her after he saw her in the Odinson kitchen.

"Sounds to me like while you were carrying a torch for Thor, Loki was carrying one for you, and Sigyn was carrying one for him," Gamora said. "Wow. It's like a soap opera."

"It's like a romance movie or novel," Jane pointed out. "In this story, I was the interloper for Sigyn and Loki. They are meant to be together just as Thor and I are meant to be together. It feels at this point that will be at some very distance point in the future, possibly when we're all living on the moon, but he and I are meant to be just as Sigyn and Loki are meant to be."

"I call bullshit," Gamora said.

"I second that," Peggy said.

Pepper remained silent.

Gamora reminded Jane very much of Sigyn in a lot of ways. She was a tough girl, not prone to putting up with bullshit, and very independent. Peggy was tough as well, but a bit more demure than Gamora. Jane had seen people mistake Peggy as some kind of damsel in distress and she was prompt in setting them straight. While Gamora and Peggy relied more on gut instinct, Pepper was more cerebral. She took in all the information presented to her and synthesized it into a cohesive manner. She was efficient, sometimes prim, but she was great to go to for advice.

"This isn't a romantic comedy or a romance novel," Gamora said. "This is real life."

Jane said nothing, but then she didn't have to.

"Jesus, Jane, please tell me you're not thinking this is like a romantic comedy or novel!" Gamora exclaimed.

"She is," Peggy said.

"You can't base your life on shit that isn't real," Gamora told her.

"Sometimes formulas work," Pepper chimed in.

"Thank you, Pepper," Jane said.

"Don't encourage her," Peggy said to Pepper. "She's romanticized the entire thing. And not in a good way. She's made herself blind to all the evidence that points to Loki."

"No, the evidence does not point to Loki," Jane said vehemently. "He was…he was…"

"Yes?" Peggy prompted.

"A stepping stone. He was the interloper – the antagonist in _my _story."

"No, he was the guy that was there for you when Thor wasn't," Gamora said matter-of-factly. "Don't get me wrong, I like Thor. But you two would not work, and what's more – he doesn't see you that way."

"He could one day," Jane said defensively. "And let's just say this was a romantic comedy for a minute. Though, I would tend to lean more toward drama, FYI. But what about Sigyn? If I had Loki who would she have?"

"Thor," Peggy said and laughed.

"Jane, just because you've paired everyone off in your head according to some plan you've had regarding you and Thor doesn't mean that's how it's supposed to be or that that's how it will end up," Gamora said. "It is possible, yes, that you and Thor could date, possibly even marry, but you can't put all your hopes and dreams on that based on some romance novels and movies. Life is not formulaic like that."

"The formula's came from somewhere," Pepper said.

"I love you, Pepp, but you're not helping," Gamora snapped. "Jane has missed the guy that's been in love with her for years because she's got some plotline in her head based on some idealistic bullshit." She eyed Jane thoughtfully. "I never realized what a romantic you really were under all that cynicism and walls you have up."

"I have walls?" Jane asked.

"You've got serious walls! How do you not know this?" Gamora asked in exasperation.

"Calm the fuck down," Jane snapped. "I've never thought in terms of having walls, this is just how I am."

She thought she heard Peggy mutter to Pepper something that included the words "parents", "aunt", and "negligent uncle".

"Can we all stop fucking attacking me?" Jane burst out. "I'm not fucking perfect, okay? I'm well aware of that and people like to fucking point it out to me every chance they get. Jesus, I'm sorry I'm sucking up the air from the more perfect people in the world!"

Silence fell and then Pepper leaned forward from behind Jane and rubbed her shoulder. "Jane, it's all right. Calm down."

But Jane was having a hard time doing that. She was aware that she'd hurt Loki back then and it still bothered her to think of it. She still sometimes heard Sigyn's awful words in her head and it struck her to the core that she was seen as selfish and self-centered, cold, and unfeeling.

"Jane, calm down," Gamora said. "Don't cry, honey."

Jane wiped furiously at the tears that fell. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I didn't mean to hurt Loki. I can't help the fact that I just had no clue what was going on. I didn't know how he felt and I couldn't imagine he meant some of the things he said when we had sex. I just thought it was shit all guys said in the moment. Why would he feel those things for me?"

"Your self-esteem is garbage, no thanks in part to Thor," Gamora said, but not harshly. "We'll work on that. Just relax, honey. No one is upset with you. We love you, Jane. We just want you to be happy."

"The past is over. The only thing one can do is move on from it," Pepper said wisely.

Jane didn't think she could move on from it though. Not yet. As much as she wanted to let it all go and let it all rest in the past, she couldn't do that until she apologized to Loki.

xxxxxxxxx

The next morning, Sunday, Jane made her way over to the Odinson household early. It was 10 a.m. and she risked Loki not being awake yet, but she just wanted to get this over and done with so she took the chance.

She wasn't so good with apologies. Not ones she meant anyway. That was probably why her palms were sweating and she felt as though she was having heart palpitations.

When she got to the Odinson's, it was actually Loki, thank God, that answered the door. He looked surprised to see her. He was still in his pajamas – pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. His hair was mussed and a bit longer than she remembered, and he had definitely filled out a bit more. It could have been the t-shirt, but he looked as though he'd been working out. And, possibly, he appeared to have grown taller too. He looked good.

"I presume you're looking for Thor," he said with a slight edge to his voice. "He's not here."

"No, actually I came to see you."

A brow arched. "Me?"

She nodded.

He opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter.

She shifted on her feet, but didn't take a step forward. "Uh, is Sigyn here?"

Loki shook his head. "No, Jane, she's not here."

"Um, okay…" Jane said awkwardly and followed him inside the house and then down to the kitchen.

"My parents left early for some brunch thing. So, it's just me. You want anything? I was about to make coffee."

"I'm good, thanks. I'm not going to stay long. I uh, I just needed to say something."

He turned to face her and leaned against the fridge with his arms folded in front of him. Jane leaned her hip against the island counter and looked toward the sliding glass door.

"Jane? What is it?" Loki said softly.

She looked at him. "I'm sorry," she said and then heaved a big sigh. "I'm sorry I hurt you before and I'm sorry I just dropped you like I did. I…I don't know how…"

He pushed away from the fridge. "Don't know how what?"

"I don't know how to deal with…doing something wrong."

He blinked. "What?"

"It's stupid, I know, but I don't handle guilt that well." She made a face and shifted again on her feet.

His lips twitched. "You don't handle awkwardness very well either."

She stopped fidgeting and looked at him. "Are you enjoying this?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "Perhaps a little."

Her temper sparked. "Excellent. I'll be on my way." She started for the hall and Loki grabbed her arm. She yanked her arm out of his grasp and glared at him. "What?"

"Jesus, Jane. Relax. I'm not going to fucking bite you. I know I'm not the almighty and perfect Thor—"

"Shut up, Loki."

"I'm sorry, is that part of the apology? If it is, then you _are_ really terrible at this."

Jane heaved a deep breath, trying her very best not to snap at him again. Did she not deserve to be given a hard time? She did. She raked a hand through her hair. "I'm fucking this all up. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't know how you felt and I didn't intentionally set out to hurt you. I – I felt guilty for what I'd done and I don't…Christ, I suck at this expressing your feelings shit…I didn't know how to handle having hurt you and having made Sigyn hate me so I just…went away."

Loki just looked at her. He wasn't going to accept her apology. She was about to just give up and go when he said, "Thank you, Jane. I accept your apology."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

He nodded and she practically ran to the door. This time he didn't stop her.

Three days later Loki showed up at her door.

She stared at him from the other side of the screen door and then peered around him to his car. Sigyn wasn't inside. "What – I mean – hi –what are you – what's up?"

"Are you busy?"

She blinked. "What?"

"Are you busy right now? I'm going into Harvard Square to get something for my Mom's birthday. Do you want to come with me?"

"You want me to come with you into Harvard Square?"

He smiled. "Yes."

"Me."

He laughed. "Yes. You."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Sigyn?"

A cloud passed over his features. "Let me handle Sigyn."

"I don't think so, Loki. I'm not…with everything that's happened…I'm not fucking anything else up."

"Jane, it's okay."

"No, it's not."

"We can be friends, Jane. Better than we were before."

She shook her head. "Sigyn has liked you for a long time, Loki, and I got in the way."

"You didn't—"

"Yes, I did. It all makes sense and adds up now. She wouldn't appreciate you hanging out with the girl who once hurt you while she was probably hoping you would notice her. I might not be a fan of Sigyn's anymore, but I'm not going to do any more damage than I already have."

He pursed his lips together and nodded shortly. "I see."

"Bye, Loki."

He looked hurt and though Jane felt bad about that, she also knew she was doing the right thing. "Good bye, Jane."

Jane shut the door and ran up the stairs to her bedroom, ignoring the fact that her eyes stung with tears. She told herself she felt nothing for him, not at all. And she wasn't about to put herself in the position of fucking things up and hurting him or Sigyn ever again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Well, I wasn't going to say anything regarding author's notes because, well, I was just going to let the work speak for itself. I've gotten the general feeling that Jane is not well liked...lol. That's fine. I get it. I really do. I personally like her, but that might be because I'm writing her. Each story to me is a journey. I kind of find this Jane to be a bit like some of the Lokis I've read in other popular fanfictions! LOL That was unintentional. **

**The only thing that is not helpful, and is rather very rude, is telling me that the story is boring. Not every chapter is going to be a thrill ride, but I do try to keep the plot and the characters moving forward. If it's boring you and you simply don't like it, then please just move on and don't waste both our times by continuing to read it.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Summer ended and school started with a bang. An 8 am class on Monday. Fuuuuck. She showed up bleary-eyed to the commuter café right after to get a coffee and ran into Thor. And Loki. Fuuuuck.

"You got some time?" Thor asked her. "Or do you have a class to get to?"

"I have some time," she said slowly.

"Great, let me get a coffee and we'll go outside?"

Jane nodded. "Sure."

Loki stood there with her and she looked at him. "So, how's it going? You lost yet?"

"No, I came a few days ago just to make sure I knew where all my classes were."

"I wish I had thought of that when I started."

He grinned. "I like to plan ahead."

"What's your major?"

"Literature, with a minor in history."

"Not economics like your brother?"

"He's the one that's going to inherit the business, not me."

Jane thought he sounded bitter.

"Get all your books yet?" she asked.

"I did. Last week."

"Well, look at you go…"

He chuckled. "Yeah. I like to be prepared."

"And to think you weren't even a Boy Scout."

"I could have been."

"You were a menace as a kid, Loki. You would have set your troop on fire."

Thor came up to them then. "Ready?"

After comparing schedules it was discovered that Jane and Loki had breaks in between classes three times a week. Thor and Jane had two breaks between classes twice a week, once with Loki, once without.

"So, I guess Jane and I will be having lunch together without you," Loki told Thor. And that was how Jane discovered she and Loki would be hanging out in between classes.

She didn't know how she felt about that. She felt like she should not do that, but she figured what harm could it do, right? She could focus on doing homework and getting some studying in and he might decide she was boring and find someone else to hang out with.

Or she could pretend she forgot all about it and hole herself up in the top floor of the library. She was definitely not going to tell her girls about this development. God only knew how they would push things then.

Except that Loki met her outside her fucking class before their next scheduled break together. Then he made some comment about how he wouldn't have put it past her to avoid him.

She stopped in the middle of the bustling hallway and gaped at him. "What the hell, Loki?"

He swaggered over to her and grinned. She kind of hated that she found it hot. No, she didn't _kind of_ hate it. She definitely did.

"What?" he asked innocently.

Her eyes narrowed on him. "You know why I feel uncomfortable about this," she told him. "I don't want to give Sigyn any more reason to hate me than she already does."

"What if I told you we broke up?"

"It all depends on if you were lying about that."

"I'm not," he said solemnly. "I broke up with her last week."

"Why?"

"It just wasn't right. We weren't working out. We fought all the time."

"Oh."

"So will you stop worrying about her?"

"Okay," she said, but there was an edge of caution to it.

"I don't want anything from you, Foster. I just want to be friends. All that other junk is in the past. There isn't any reason we can't be better than we were before. Maybe this time we can be real friends."

"Why would you want that after all that happened?"

"Like I said, it's in the past. Stupid high school crap that doesn't matter now. And all the stuff before it, too. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time as a kid, okay? I apologize for every rotten thing I said and did to you."

The corner of her mouth quirked up to the side. "Is there where I apologize for punching you?"

He laughed. "Only if you want to."

She smiled. "I'm sorry I punched you, Loki."

He smiled. "So, what do you think? Can we do it? Can we be real friends this time?"

Jane wasn't sure. Something in her told her there was danger ahead if she proceeded.

Curiosity made her proceed.

xxxxxxxx

Loki and Jane didn't talk about Thor. She felt like they should, but then she really didn't know what to say. Hey, I still have the hots for your brother? What would have been the point? He probably knew it anyway.

What she didn't expect was for him and Gamora to hit it off so well. Or for that to bother her. It surprised her, that old uncomfortable feeling she had gotten once when Loki had told her about fooling around with Natasha. It had made her do some pretty stupid things before and she wasn't about to go down that rabbit hole again.

She waited for Gamora to ask Jane if it was all right for her to pursue something with Loki. She planned to say go for it. But that never happened. He was invited out with her and her friends quite often though. It was almost like he was one of the girls. Except not because Loki was definitely all male.

When Jane mentioned to Loki in passing that he and Gamora were flirty with one another he just shrugged and grinned. She let it go even though she wanted to ask if there was any interest there. It was best not to know.

Things seemed to be going swimmingly. Jane slowly allowed herself to relax around Loki by degrees, but the fear of doing anything that could be taken the wrong way and as a result hurt him in any way caused her to keep somewhat of a wall up around him.

She hugged her friends, including Thor - though she often did not initiate the hugs – but she did not hug Loki. They were good at the witty banter, but there was still that depth missing between them that they'd lacked in high school and Jane didn't know how to breach it. She wasn't good with sharing feelings because she wasn't good with having them. She rather wished she didn't have them at all. Unlike what Sigyn said about her being cold and unfeeling, Jane did feel things. Too much sometimes. So she tried to block them out.

Gamora, the psych major, told her it was because of her aunt's death and how her uncle had handled it. She had felt as though she was drowning in her own grief as well as her uncle's and it had made Jane "rough around the edges" and caused her to throw up walls to keep from getting overwhelmed. Plus, there was the fact that she'd lost both her parents at such a young age. Even if she didn't remember them much, losing your parents did something to you.

Whatever. She was fucked up, that was what it pretty much came down to.

**1997**

"Donald. His name is Donald?" Thor said and he and Loki exchanged glances. Jane picked up her towel from the blanket they were all using at the beach and then pointed at Loki. "Don't even," she said.

Loki just looked at her innocently. "What?"

"Don't 'what' me, Loki Odinson."

"I think Jane is anticipating a few Donald Duck jokes," Gamora said as she uncapped a bottle of water. "I'm already going there in my head."

Jane just rolled her eyes and wrapped the towel around her waist like a sarong. She sat down in between Loki and Thor, which was how she usually ended up when they all went out. Though lately, Thor wasn't joining them much and when he did come there was tension at times between the brothers. When Jane tried to ask Thor about it he just said that things were a little tense at home between Odin and Loki and while trying to play peacekeeper, he often got caught heat from Loki about it.

Jane had always thought Odin was a bit of a dick. The patriarch of the Odinson family had always been kind to her, but not as welcoming or as warm as Frigga had always been. She also knew he wasn't around much and a few times it had been speculated by both brothers that he perhaps had affairs on Frigga.

Jane actually felt for Loki on this one because she had seen firsthand how Odin played favorites with his sons. Thor was the favorite; there was no doubt about that. She had seen how it was growing up with them: Odin played favorites, Loki got angry, and Thor tried to keep the peace between them. She didn't get involved in their family matters, but she couldn't help but feel bad for Loki.

"So, you and Howard the Duck are going on a date," Loki mused.

Jane just looked at him, unamused. He grinned. "And you work with him?" he asked.

Jane nodded. "He just started. He was in one of my classes last semester. He's really nice."

"And…?" Loki prompted.

"And what?"

"Yeah, Jane, and?" Thor said. He got a really goofy look on his face and batted his eyelashes. "Is he dreamy?" he asked.

_Not as dreamy as you_, Jane thought and looked away from him. "He's cute."

"Oh, this will go well," Loki muttered.

"Leave her alone," Pepper said from her chair. "Jane doesn't get all mushy and girly about that stuff."

"Hmm, I guess it all depends," Loki mused and Jane shot him another look. He then sprang to his feet and held out his hand to Jane. "Come on. Let's go in the water."

She gaped at him. "I just came back!"

"So, we're going again. Come on."

Jane sighed and wondered why she was taking orders from him as she got up and followed him down to the water.

Unlike the rest of her friends, Jane and Loki actually went in the frigid water. It still took Jane a little while to grow accustomed to it, letting her extremities get wet bit by bit until she was submerged. In that time though, Loki stood with her and asked her about this Donald character that had called her on her first ever cell phone and asked her out on a date.

"There isn't much to say about him I guess," Jane said with a shrug. "He just seems like a really nice guy and…" she trailed off.

"And since Thor isn't asking…?"

She sighed. "It's not like I enjoy it. I don't even get it. It's just always there…"

"So you're hoping going out with this guy will maybe stop it?"

"Can't hurt, right?"

Loki nodded and stared out at the water.

"What about Gamora?" Jane asked softly.

"You want to date a woman instead?" Loki asked and looked at her in surprise.

She shook her head and laughed. "No, I mean for you."

He shook his head. "She's fun to flirt with, but no. She reminds me too much of Sigyn."

"Do you miss her?"

"Sometimes, but not…we never should have dated. It just didn't work."

"She always liked you, Loki," Jane said.

He didn't say anything.

"I'm sor—"

"Princess, don't apologize again to me."

Her head snapped up to look at him and her smile was sweet and happy.

He grinned. "Should I bring it back?"

She nodded. "I always liked it."

"Princess it is then."


	15. Chapter 15

**I have been remiss. Thank you, Imogen74 for all your help. I have bothered the crap out of you countless times to ask for help on this story (and several others...) Thank you. **

**Chapter Fifteen **

Loki entered the Italian restaurant he was meeting his friends at with a friend of his own in tow: Tony Stark. Tony was an engineering major and a definite playboy. He had a quick wit and a charming personality and Loki thought he would fit in well with the rest of the group. Plus, the gang needed some more men. Thor brought around his friends once in a while, but Thor's friends had the personalities of dried toast.

Gamora waved them over and Loki waved to let her know he'd seen them. He quickly checked to see where Jane was and noted that she was sitting towards the end of the long table with two empty seats beside her. Good. Even if Donald was there and hadn't been dismissed yet, Loki could at least command some of her attention by sitting next to her.

Loki wasn't sure what it was going to take at this point to get Jane to notice him. To _really_ notice him. And now there was this new guy to contend with. She and Donald had been together for almost four months now. They shared the same interests and she could geek out over the stars to her hearts content with him, but he didn't see any real spark there. Or perhaps it was that he didn't want to see a spark there.

He wished he could give it up. He felt as Jane did in regards to her feelings about Thor: he didn't enjoy having these feelings. He didn't glean any pleasure from it. He felt as though it was his fate for her to be forever out of his reach. He could be right next to her, once he'd been _inside_ her – and she'd still been a million miles away from him.

Jane Foster was a mass of contradictions. She was impulsive and yet sensible. Kind and yet cold. Careless and cautious. Gentle and yet rough. It just seemed that sometimes her more difficult attributes were at the forefront making it difficult to get to the core of her.  
>The Jane that felt so sorry for having hurt him even though she knew when she was doing it (he didn't believe she was completely clueless), was the Jane he knew.<p>

And loved.

Christ, he loved her. He'd been in love with her for so long he didn't know what it was like to not be. And didn't that sound familiar?

Although, Loki knew that Jane was not in love with Thor. She was in love with the idea of him, but not Thor himself. Gamora thought that Jane was the sort that believed in true love for everyone else but herself. She didn't really believe that she would get her happily ever after; she just really wanted it and clung to what she believed her happily ever after would contain. Gamora also said that Jane's little girl fantasies of the "boy next door" were a product of Jane reaching back for a simpler time when life was fresh and full of possibilities before death came along and took her aunt from her, sent her uncle into a downward spiral in which Jane was forced to take care of him and herself, and somehow took Thor with it.

Thor. The fucking ass. He'd been self-centered and thoughtless as a teenager. He'd changed a bit since then, but he was still easily caught up in what was going on around him to the exclusion of everything else. Whereas Jane was caught up with what she wanted to have happen to the exclusion of what was right in front of her. Loki supposed he was guilty of the same thing though. It wasn't until he'd been nursing a serious broken heart and Sigyn had told him flat out she loved him that he got a clue.

It still made him wince a little to think of Sigyn. He had cared for Sigyn as a friend but he should have never dated her. Not when he wasn't over Jane (and he really didn't think he ever would be). He'd been so desperate for the affection he never got from Jane that he'd flung himself into a relationship with Sigyn and then realized quickly it wasn't what he wanted. The fact that he partially stayed with her just to annoy his father who was not a Sigyn fan, was a fact that Loki felt terrible about. Sigyn had gone on at great length about Jane had used and abused him, but Loki had used Sigyn, too. And he'd made her think that he cared a lot more about her than he did.

He'd broken up with her before school started because he had it in his head that he was going to rekindle whatever-the-fuck-they'd-been with Jane and was not going to allow Sigyn to be what stood in his way. When Jane had told him that she couldn't hang out with him because of Sigyn, Loki had already known he and Sigyn were over.

When he thought of that time in high school he wondered if he would have had a shot had he told Jane how he'd truly felt. Inwardly, he sighed. Probably not. Jane just would have avoided him like the plague. But the thing was, the thing that Loki held onto – Jane was attracted to him. She could deny it until the cows came out but there was something there between them and he knew she'd felt it. He'd seen it in her face, in her eyes – that spark that said "I feel it too".

While everyone was saying hello to Tony, Loki leaned in to Jane and asked if everyone had ordered yet. She shook her head. "We were waiting for you." She looked him over, her lips quirking up in that lopsided smile she had. "Was it the hair? Not enough gel or something?"

"Very funny, Princess," he said and kept his arm across the back of her chair. If Donald wasn't going to…

She smiled, tenderness laced into it. That nickname for her certainly brought out a side to Jane he didn't often see: the sappier side.

She sniffed the air and then sniffed again, leaning closer to him. "What is that?"

"My cologne?"

"Oh. It smells nice," she said and went back to her menu.

A compliment from Jane was a rarity. He clutched it to his heart with all his might.

xxxxxxxxx

"I was over parties in high school and as it turns out I am still over them," Jane said later when Loki followed her outside from the lively crowd at some frat party Gamora's new boyfriend invited them all to.

Donald had begged off when he'd realized the group's plan for after dinner. Jane had tried to make light of it by telling him they could comment on the suckage of frat parties together, but he'd said no and gone to his dorm to see if he could get onto AOL.

"I should have joined Donald," Jane said as she kicked a beer can out of her way. She went to the corner of the porch they were on in the back of the frat house. Jane sought out the corners. She lived in them. It was as if she didn't want anyone to notice her, to see her.

Loki thought she was quite hard to miss.

She leaned over the railing peered down at the scuffed up lawn below. "I almost wished I still smoked just for something to do."

Loki leaned over the railing as well, mimicking her stance.

"When did you quit by the way?" she asked him.

"Uh…I can't even remember. I just remember thinking I didn't want to do it anymore and stopped. Sigyn was the dedicated smoker, not me."

Jane grew quiet as she always did when Sigyn was brought up.

"Jane, can I ask you a question?"

She moaned. "I hate it when people start that way! It's never a good question."

"Sigyn said she tried to call you so that you guys could work things out and be friends again, but she said you wouldn't return any of her calls."

"She let me know what she truly thought of me. I made her hate me." Jane said.

"She didn't hate you, Jane. She was mad, yes, but she didn't hate you," Loki said gently. "You can be angry with someone and still love them." He knew that better than anyone.

"But with me out of the way it gave you two the opportunity to be together."

"Jane—"

"I know it sounds crazy but I felt like if I was around her again I would just be reminded of …everything. When Thor told me you and Sigyn were dating I thought…I thought that sounded right. That maybe it was really her all along you wanted, that I was — that I had been an interloper. I thought after everything came out that you and Sigyn were just better off without me. I made her mad and I hurt you…I didn't want to do that again."

Loki straightened and stared at her while she focused on the ground below her. Better off without her? He wanted to shake her for that comment. "I would have rather we had a big fight and had a few awkward moments than have you just drop me the way you did," he said.

"You never said anything to me at school or anything. I just thought you felt the same way."

"Sometimes you have to suck it up and take responsibility for your actions, Jane," he said. "Part of your problem is that you always assume you have the answers and never bother to ask what anyone else thinks or wants."

She straightened now and looked at him. "I did suck it up. I apologized—"

"About a year too late."

"I'm not good at this stuff, Loki-"

"What stuff exactly, Jane? Taking responsibility? Apologizing? Being in the wrong and admitting it?"

"Feelings! I'm not good with feelings. I felt remorse for having hurt you and I just wanted it to go away—"

"So you went away is that what you're saying? You didn't know how to deal with the fact that you ripped my heart out so you dropped me like I meant nothing at all?"

He saw the tears in her eyes but this time he didn't rush to comfort her. "Yes," she said.

"Do you realize how dropping out of my life might have hurt me more than if you'd stuck around and we worked it out?"

"I told you; I thought you were better off without me."

"That's not what I wanted! That's not how I fucking felt, Jane!"

"But then you were with Sigyn! You might not have gotten together had I not went away!"

"I didn't _want_ her. I only dated her to get over you!"

"But you guys made sense."

"Are you saying that you and I didn't make sense? That we couldn't have been more if say, I was honest with you. If I told you how I felt, if I let it be known that I didn't kiss you out of pity or just to get a kiss from a hot girl –that I didn't want to fool around with you just to get some but because it was you I desperately wanted and needed to touch—"

"What happened to this being behind us?" She didn't look so much angry though, nor did she sound it. She actually looked and sounded rather…scared.

Loki forged ahead. He needed to be heard. "It's not, okay? You fucking ripped my heart out and yeah, I figured the only way you would even talk to me is if I said it was all in the past. I thought – well, at least we'll have a do-over and Jane will let me in. We'll be friends like we weren't before, you'd knock down that goddamn wall and we'd really connect—"

"We have!"

"Except you still have a fucking wall!" He grabbed her arms and thought – _no, you can't really shake her, Loki, calm the fuck down. _"You're so fucking clueless sometimes that I don't understand where you're at – what you're thinking! Better off without you? What the shit is that garbage?"

"It's how I felt!" she yelled attempted to push him away.

"Well, that's stupid! It hurt me more when you just disappeared! I thought you hated me."

"I hated myself!"

"Jesus Christ, would you guys just fucking kiss and get it over with?"

Loki and Jane froze and looked towards the door where some guy was standing with a cigarette in hand. He dropped it and stepped on it and then shook his head at them. "It'll make you feel better if you do," he said and then strode back in the house.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Jane muttered.

Loki looked at her and thought maybe that idiot was actually onto something. He looked down at her lips and then he heard it –the soft intake of breath. A gasp. His gaze flew to hers and he saw it, the small almost imperceptible look of interest. He was too stunned to do anything and that, unfortunately, gave Jane a chance to escape.

Loki stood there after she'd fled and wondered what would happen if he did kiss her….


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Gamora and Peggy wanted their own place. Pepper was quite happy with her single dorm room. A single dorm room she wouldn't have gotten if her roommate hadn't gotten alcohol poisoning and decided she needed to rethink her life and choices.

Gamora and Peggy asked Jane if she wanted to share an apartment with them and she said yes without even having to think about it. Uncle Erik's new girlfriend Lynn was over almost every day and Jane wasn't a fan. She was a tad controlling and critical and her uncle lacked the backbone to tell her to back off. Jane tried to make herself scarce whenever she was over.

Once when Jane had interacted with Lynn she had been snacking on some chips and Lynn went on a diatribe of the "poison" she was ingesting. The next time Jane saw her, Lynn handed her a bag of kale chips. She was forced to eat one in front of Lynn and Jane thought she was going to be sick. And then she watched as her uncle proceeded to let Lynn throw away anything she thought was "poison" in the house and replace it all with the foods that Lynn ate but Jane and her uncle did not.

Jane was done with watching her uncle turn himself inside out for the women he dated. He had chosen a wonderful woman like Aunt Carol to marry, how had his good taste gone to such shit? If he wasn't suffering from depressive episodes then he was throwing himself into relationships that were terrible for him. Her uncle was such a great guy – why did so many women want to change him and why did he let them try. Jane swore to herself that she would never twist herself into a pretzel to please any guy. Ever.

Uncle Erik, perhaps out of guilt, had come through for her in a way that made Jane feel guilty for being so disgusted with him: he offered to pay her rent if she paid her utilities. He didn't want her to work full time to afford an apartment while in school. He wanted her to get a good job and keep her grades up. Jane felt like a mooch, but since the apartment that they found ended up being only $200 per person, she didn't feel _too_ guilty.

The apartment needed some sprucing up and so every spare moment when the three girls weren't studying they spent it prepping the apartment to their liking – painting, cleaning, and hunting for furniture and other things they needed.

When they finally moved in they had their friends over to have Chinese food, play games, and watch movies. Loki brought Tony who, according to Loki, had a thing for Pepper. Thor brought Fandral and Gamora invited ended up that one group watched a movie and the rest ended up playing board games and card games. Jane, Loki, Gamora and Peter were part of the group playing games.

After two hours sitting at the kitchen table, they all decided to take a break. Jane got herself and Loki another beer (Fandral was twenty-one and bought for them). They were both pretty buzzed, at least it appeared that Loki was but Jane knew she was. She had that pleasant floaty feeling going on and she didn't necessarily want to get falling down drunk, but she wanted to get just a little more buzzed and then stay there. It felt good.

She went up to her bedroom to find a deck of UNO cards for the next round and Loki followed her up the narrow staircase that led to the bedrooms on the second floor.

"This is an all right apartment," he said.

"Thanks!" Jane said proudly, because, well, she was pretty proud of it. It felt good to have a home where she could breathe properly. Ever since her aunt had died and things had gone to shit, Jane had often felt just…uncomfortable. Her uncles house didn't feel like it used to and now with that bitch Lynn taking over, she wondered if she'd ever recognize the place when she went back for a visit.

She often wondered if her uncle had sent her out on her own because Jane reminded him of who he was at the core and how his attempts to change himself to please the women he dated would just not work.

"Where'd you go?" Loki asked as they stepped into her bedroom at the end of the hall. It wasn't a huge room, but it wasn't tiny either. It fit her bed, a couple bureaus, book case and a desk for her computer. The walls were painted sky blue and she was working on affixing plastic stars into constellations on her walls and the ceiling.

"Hmm?"

"You just got really quiet and contemplative all of a sudden," Loki said. "You okay?"

She nodded and took a long sip of her beer before placing it down on her desk. "I'm fine."

"So, where is Donnie tonight?"

Jane arched a brow and smirked. "Donnie?"

Loki shrugged.

"He's with his friends tonight. He had these plans for a while so I didn't push it."

"What are they doing?"

Jane made a face. "I don't want to tell you."

This sounded promising. "Tell me."

"No."

"Come on, Princess. You know you want to."

She sighed. "He's playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends."

Loki burst out laughing and Jane just looked at him witheringly. When he showed no signs of stopping, Jane grabbed a pen off her desk and flung it at him. He ducked and then sat down on her bed. He held up a hand when she readied herself with another pen. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not laughing."

"You were!"

"I just…don't understand. Don't you do that crap when you're like, nine?"

"Loki, everyone has a thing. I have the stars. You have Shakespeare and Byron. Donald has…D and D."

"You're absolutely right. I have been properly schooled and chastened."

She looked at him like she didn't believe him and he just smiled at her. The moment lasted a few beats too long and Loki saw it again: interest. She then shook her head and then went to her closet.

"Um, can you grab the footstool by my bed?" she asked him.

"Sure." He grabbed it and brought it over, placing it at her feet. "I'm taller Jane, why don't I get in there?"

She climbed up on the stool. "No, I got it," she said and reached up. Her shirt lifted just a bit and part of her flat stomach was exposed.

Loki couldn't take his eyes from that expanse of skin. He wanted to put his lips there. He actually started to reach for her, wanting so badly to touch her when clothes, a shoebox and various other items began to fall from the top shelf and plummet to the floor. Jane started to laugh and ducked, putting her arms over her head as more things began to fall. Loki grabbed her and pulled her off the stool, causing her to stumble, then him to stumble, and they crashed then fell onto her bed. Jane squealed and couldn't stop laughing as Loki landed on top of her. Loki started to laugh as well, finding her laughter infectious. He braced himself on his arms and looked down at her while her laughter subsided into giggles and then slowly stopped altogether. She looked up at him and smiled. "I think they are among the casualties on my floor," she said.

"What were we looking for again?" he asked.

"Uno." Her eyes met his.

Neither of them moved for several beats. Loki wondered what she saw in his face, in his eyes. In hers he saw some fear and yet that spark of interest. She swallowed and then shifted and looked away, causing Loki to move off her. He sat up on the bed and tried to act normal. Nothing had been done, but something had happened. Jane crawled off the bed and began picking up the items that had fallen on her floor and placing them on her desk. She held up the Uno deck. "Shall we?"

He forced a smile. "We shall."

When they returned to the kitchen, Gamora was the only one there. The others had wandered into see what was going on in the other room for a break. Jane put the cards down on table and then wandered into the living room. Loki went to follow her, but Gamora called out his name softly.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning to face her.

"You guys were up there for a while. I swore I heard the sound of a headboard hitting the wall," she said.

Loki smirked. "Know that sound, do you?"

She rolled her eyes. "So? Anything happen?"

Gamora had become his confidante in all things Jane when she'd come up to him on campus one day shortly after they'd all hung out together and said, "So, you in love with Jane or what?"

He didn't know why he'd bothered to deny it. No doubt Jane had told them all about their history. Now at least he knew why Gamora had been watching him so closely. He'd thought she was just interested.

"Nothing happened per se," Loki said now, quietly. "But there was…something. A moment."

Gamora laughed a little. "A moment, huh?"

"I'm serious. We just kind of…stared at each other."

"What the fuck is this? One of those romance movies Jane loves so much?"

Loki's lips quirked into a soft smile. "Romance movies, huh?"

"She's a closet romantic. She changes the channel when anyone walks in the room like we're going to make fun of her or something."

"You would."

"Yeah, I know, but only because she feels the need to hide it. Maybe if she let down some of those walls and didn't date guys as emotionally closed off as she is…"

Loki sighed. "Emotionally closed off. Yeah, that's Jane all right. What _is_ the deal with her and Donald anyway?"

"They more or less just hang out. I don't ever see anything romantic between them. I asked her if they had sex—"

"Gamora, stop, I don't want—"

"And she said they've only done it a few times. I got the impression it's not that great."

"Gamora, I appreciate all these talks and all, but there are some things I don't want to know."

"She follows you with her eyes. She never takes them off you."

Loki looked at her with great interest. "Okay, that falls under the things I do want to know."

Gamora smiled. "My conversations are kind of like Jane. You have to dig a little deep to get to the good stuff."

"You make her sound like a tootsie roll pop."

"She kind of is like one. Trying to get to the center of her…"

Peter and Jane came back into the kitchen then, stopping the conversation between Gamora and Loki. Loki decided to put Gamora's observation of Jane watching him to the test. He switched modes from watching Jane for his own gratification and watching her in a detached sort of way to watch what she did. He pretended to look at something across the room, but making sure he kept her in his line of sight to see what she did, what she looked at…who she watched.

Gamora was right. She did watch him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Jane, stop worrying," Loki said as the two of them stood in line behind their friends at the Bahama Beach Club, which housed several different clubs under one very large roof. It also contained more than one floor. Additionally, there were a few under 21 clubs inside and a few 21 plus.

Loki had procured for all of them fake ID's, simply saying "I know a guy". Jane and Pepper had been the only ones to be not completely on board with the idea. In fact, Pepper had decided not to do it at all. Loki, Gamora and Thor had convinced Jane to do it, but now that they were in line, her fake ID in hand, she wasn't so sure.

"I don't look like a Constance," she said. "Do I?"

"No, but that doesn't matter. For tonight you're Connie."

"Connie, huh? I feel like I should be chewing a fat wad of gum and talking with a Revere accent. Maybe I should have poofed out my hair, gave it some wings with, like, a whole bottle of hairspray?"

Loki started to laugh. "You've even got a character to go with your name. Perhaps we should be those people tonight."

She grinned and grabbed his ID. "And you are…Ricky." She laughed. "Ricky and Connie," she said in a nasally voice. "We're Ricky and Connie from Rev-eah." He laughed and she looked him up and down. "You should be wearing a Red Sox t-shirt and a Red Sox hat, on backwards of course."

"That would be the day," Loki said with a laugh.

"I would love to see it," Jane said. The line moved and Jane moaned.

"Jane, relax, it's going to be fine," Loki said.

"But what if its not?"

"But what if it is?"

"But what if its not?"

"But what – okay, I'm not doing this again."

Jane laughed. "Oh, but I wanted to see how long we could keep that up!"

Loki shook his head at her, but he was smiling. He loved Jane liked this – relaxed, fun and teasing. It was something he hadn't seen much of in high school. College suited her. Living with her friends suited her, too. She was softening, slowly but surely, and Loki suspected that getting away from her uncle and his constant up and down moods, not to mention the women he dated, had something to do with it.

"So, what's Don doing tonight?" Loki asked nonchalantly.

She shrugged. "I don't know. So, I want to go in the foam room."

He looked at her, puzzled. "The foam room?"

"Yeah, it's like this room that jets out foam while you're dancing."

"That sounds dangerous. How do you keep yourself from slipping and sliding all over the place?"

"Well, genius, I've never been in there so I don't know."

He arched a brow at her and then reached over and started tickling her. Jane squealed and laughed and then abruptly stopped when it was their turn to hand over their ID's for inspection.

The bouncer barely looked at them after all that worrying Jane did. He stamped their hands and in they went where their friends were waiting for them. Before doing anything, they all made the plan that if they all got separated, they would meet back in the lobby at midnight to go home. Then everyone was talking at once about where they wanted to go first. Loki and Jane hung back, waiting.

The decision was made to go into Club Zero first and they all trooped together across the long and wide hallway to where the club sat tucked in a corner.

The music was pounding hard and the club was packed. Jane grabbed onto the sleeve of Loki's shirt. "I don't want to lose everyone," she said.

"Want to come to the bar with me and get something to drink, Princess?" he asked.

She nodded and they told everyone their plan. Peter and Gamora followed them; the rest dove into club scene. Loki tried to show no outward glee that Jane had decided to stick to him like glue. Not Thor. But him. Although, Thor was busy hanging out with Fandral and Loki got the impression that Jane wasn't a huge fan of Fandral's. Still, he'd take what he could get which was pretty much their entire relationship in a nutshell.

Loki got him and Jane whatever beer was on tap and then they made their way to the edge of the crowd. It was insane in the club, but Loki couldn't suss out why. There wasn't anything particularly great about it; it was just a standard dance club as far as he could tell.

"Do you want to go in another room?" Jane asked, yelling over the music.

"Yes!" he shouted back.

She took hold of his sleeve and pulled him with her as they wove through the crowd.

Once they were out in the hall, which was starting to fill up, Jane pointed to the other end at Club Oberon. "There?" she asked.

"Sure," Loki said with a shrug. They both chucked their beers on their way in just hung back and watched the goings on. This club had a stage in which men and women, both scantily clad danced in glowing soft pink and blue. Loki looked down at Jane and she smiled broadly at him, showing off her glowing white teeth. He laughed and wrapped an arm around her because it felt natural, because he wanted to…and then held his breath and waited to see what she would do.

She did nothing except point to the cages that surrounded the dance floor and held men and women dressed in more pink and blue and white (they must work for the club), and men and women that were just part of the crowd and managed to get into the cages.

"You want to find our way into a cage?" he asked her with a grin.

"No way!" she said and laughed, and then pulled him with her to the dance floor.

Loki wasn't much of a dancer, but he faked it well. When he saw some boys looking at Jane with interest, he shot them glares and they backed off. One didn't seem to care, however, and got up behind Jane and started grinding against her back. Loki stepped forward to stop him, but then Jane elbowed him in the gut and he doubled over. She glared at him and after calling her a "fucking bitch" left her alone.

"Let's go to another room!" Jane shouted.

"Okay!"

They made their way to the second floor and there right across from the staircase was a country/western club. Jane wrinkled her nose, but they went in anyway. They got another couple beers and watched the line dancing for a while before some woman grabbed Loki's arm and pulled him out onto the dance floor with her. Loki was too stunned to do anything and when he looked up at Jane he found her with a look he knew all too well. It was that look she got when something was bothering her but she didn't want it to bother her so she tried to look normal even though underneath it was eating at her.

Was it possible Jane was jealous?

Loki tried to break away from the dance, but the girl who had dragged him out clutched his arm and told him to just follow her steps. Loki was about to tell her no, he needed to get back to his girlfriend (yeah, he knew it was a lie), but then he decided no. Jane could deal with some jealousy. It would be a nice change.

When he looked up again, she was still standing there, just watching them. When she saw him looking she smiled – a very fake smile in his opinion – and waved. Loki followed the moved the girl beside him made but all he kept thinking about was whether or not Jane was jealous. What was she thinking? How would she act when he returned to her side? Why did everything hinge on this one girl? Why did he torture himself? Was this really love or some kind of sickness?

When the song ended the girl asked his name, where he was from, what he did. Loki kept glancing over to Jane and when he looked over and she was gone, he panicked. Shit, he'd lost her. He was about to excuse himself when the girl, Hannah, asked for his number.

Loki hesitated and watched her pull a pen out of her purse and poise it over the back of her hand. He gave it to her and she smiled and kissed his cheek. Loki practically ran to where Jane had been standing and then out the club. He found her in the hall, standing against a wall and peering into another club. He went over to her, heart thudding in his chest. "Jane."

She looked up and smiled at him. "Hey. Have fun?"

He looked at her searchingly, looking for any kind of clue, any kind of _something _to tell him how she felt. It couldn't be healthy, this agonizing over her reaction to an innocent dance. It wasn't as if he'd asked to be dragged out onto the dance floor. And it wasn't as if they were together and he had something to feel guilty about. Besides, Jane was the one with the boyfriend—

"Yeah, I did," he said.

She pointed to the club she'd been peering into. "I want to go in there next. They are giving out masks!"

"Wha—masks?"

"Yeah, black and white ones. Demi-masks or something. As far as I can figure it's white for girls and black for boys. But I want a black one." She pushed away from the wall. "Shall we?"

He nodded, his mind whirling with all he wanted to ask her, all he wanted to _know_ about how she felt and what she was thinking, but as per _fucking _usual Jane gave nothing away.

Everything in the next club was a daze for Loki. He got another beer while Jane got a Coke. They both got black masks to wear and Loki felt a bit Princess Bride with it on. As he stood beside Jane watching people dance and move about his mind raced. Finally, he blurted out: "She asked for my number."

Jane looked up at him. "Who?"

Did he imagine her stiffening? "That girl I danced with. She asked for my number."

"What did she write it on?"

_That_ was what she chose to focus on? "Her hand."

Her face scrunched up thoughtfully. "Interesting. Maybe she'll transfer it to a napkin later?"

"I don't know," he muttered.

"Let's dance." She said and pulled him out onto the dance floor. After two songs, Loki was done. He wanted another beer. Jane followed him and asked how many he'd had.

"This is my third – fourth? Why?" he asked.

"Are you planning on getting drunk?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I hadn't thought that far ahead. You're not?"

She shook her head. "I have a feeling everyone else will be too. Someone needs to be sober."

"Well, aren't you a Little Miss Goody Two-Shoes?"

She looked at him as if she wasn't sure why he'd say that. "If by goody two-shoes you mean I don't want us to be wrapped around a tree on the way home, then yes."

Now he felt like a git. "I'm sorry," he said. "That came out a lot harsher than I'd intended."

She waved him off. "I want to find the foam room next."

He nodded and quickly finished off his beer. He was definitely buzzing by the time they found the foam room on the third floor. People were filing out, laughing, with foam on their heads and clothes. Jane looked elated and they went in, masks still on, but then tossed as soon as they were inside.

Jane leaned into him and pointed at the people on the dance floor, parts of their clothes glowing. She pulled him out onto the floor and slipped, crashing into him. He held onto her and she laughed. And then a gush of foam came dropping out of the ceiling, covering them. Jane laughed with delight and then promptly fell on her ass. Loki got her up and they made their way to an empty table to watch everyone try to navigate with foam everywhere.

They then discovered there was another dance floor, foam free, but they opted to people watch for a while before Jane got restless and pulled him with her to the foam free dance floor. A slow song began to play and Loki, buzzing still, pulled her against him. She looked taken aback but surprisingly didn't fight him. He placed his hands on her hips and she looked uncertain of what to do so he took her hands and placed them on this shoulders. He pulled her into him, and wrapped his arms around her.

He pressed his face into the side of her head. He smelled the shampoo in her hair. If she was his…he wanted to pretend that she was.

"Loki, loosen up, I can't breathe," she said.

The song ended a second later and she detangled herself from his arms. He wanted her back there. He reached out and she grabbed his hand and shot him a look that said, _what the fuck is your problem?_

"Come on," she said. "It's time to meet everyone now."

Where had the time gone? He allowed her to pull him out of the club, but then he wanted to lead and so he charged ahead, gripping her hand hard, and practically dragged her through the crowd until she dug in her heels and yanked her hand free of his grasp. "What the fuck, Loki?" she demanded.

He just looked at her. He had no words for his behavior. He didn't know what was wrong with him save for the fact that he wanted her to care that some other girl found him interesting. That she'd asked for his number. That there was the possibility of him dating someone. Did she just not care? Then what was that look she'd had? He thought he'd known what it meant…was it possible he'd imagined it? Or wanted her so badly to feel jealous that he'd projected it onto her? He wanted to _matter_.

"Guys, you ready?" Gamora asked as came up to them. She looked between them. "Everything okay?"

Jane nodded and looked at Loki with deep consternation. "Everything's fine," she said.

"Okay, then," Gamora said, but kept looking at Loki. "Let's go then."

They all met up and discovered that Jane and Gamora were sober, but everyone else was drunk. Thor was the worst though. He threw up as soon as they went outside. Then threw up again just before getting in Gamora's car.

"I'll ride with you," Loki told Jane.

She looked at him as though he was nuts. "No. You're going home with Thor and Gamora is going that way. I'm going in the opposite direction."

He couldn't fight logic even if he wanted to. So he hugged her fast and hard before climbing into Gamora's car.

"Everything okay?" Gamora asked quietly when he'd climbed in.

Loki just nodded. And then Thor needed to get out of the car to throw up again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

"So, how did you like the club?" Gamora asked while Jane poured herself a tall glass of water. She hadn't had too much alcohol, but she was dehydrated enough to feel it.

"It was great. Did you like it?" Jane asked.

"I didn't like that we all got separated."

Jane nodded in agreement. "Next time we'll have to be better about that I guess."

"So, was it just you and Loki?"

Jane nodded and gulped down half a glass of water. "Some girl just grabbed him and yanked him onto the dance floor in that country one."

"Really? What did he do?"

"He attempted line dancing. It was pretty comical." Jane took another few sips of water. She didn't really want to think about how it had made her feel to see that beautiful blond beaming at Loki and how he'd just eaten it up. She had stood there talking herself out of feeling irrationally angry about it. And just when she thought she had succeeded…

"She asked for his number after," Jane blurted out after finishing the glass. "She wrote it down on her hand. Her _hand._ What if it rubs off?"

"Then I guess he doesn't get a phone call," Gamora said matter-of-factly.

That thought cheered Jane and she thought – how terrible for her to think that.

"What's wrong?" Gamora asked. "You look perplexed."

"Don't you think it's weird that she just grabbed him like that while I was standing there with him? What if I had been his irate and very jealous girlfriend?"

"She took a chance, I guess. Maybe she didn't see you. Or maybe your body language suggested you were just friends. Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"Irate and very jealous?"

"Of course not," Jane said. She felt defensive. She didn't like feeling defensive. She felt like she sounded defensive, too. She liked that even less.

"Then you're all set then. Kudos for Loki for getting a girl. He should have one."

Gamora was pissing Jane off. She felt her temper ignite and was about to walk away from her and up to her bedroom when there was a knock at the door.

"Expecting someone?" Jane asked.

"Peter's upstairs," Gamora said. "Sleeping." She went to the side of the fridge where the bat was and grabbed it. She and Jane made their way to the door and opened it as far as the chain would extend.

It was Loki. And he didn't look good. He looked…well, he looked pretty wrecked.

Gamora unlocked the door and dragged him inside. "What happened?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

Loki zeroed in on Jane and her brows furrowed. His eyes were red as though he'd been crying and his hair was mussed. "Is it okay if I crash here tonight?"

"Of course, but dude – what the fuck happened?" Gamora asked.

When Loki turned to look at her and the light from the kitchen hit him just so she saw a small bruise on his cheek and she gasped. "Loki, what happened to you?" she asked and rushed forward, touching the spot on his cheek.

Loki winced and grabbed Jane's wrist, moving it away from his face. "My father and I got into a fight—"

"He hit you?!" Jane exclaimed.

"It was a bad fight."

"Come in the kitchen and let's get some ice," Jane said and they all trooped into the kitchen. Loki and Gamora sat down at the table while Jane went to the fridge and got a package of pees out of the freezer and handed them to Loki. He pressed the bag to his face and the story came out about how Thor had woken Odin up because he was being loud.

Then, Thor had thrown up in the hall and Odin had come out just in time to see it and wanted to know what was going on. Frigga came out, but Odin had told her not to interfere before she could even say anything. Loki had yelled at him not to talk to her that way. Odin figured it out that Thor had been drinking and it all came out what they'd done.

Odin ripped into Loki for getting his brother sick, for possibly causing him to have alcohol poisoning, and had ordered him to get out. Loki had shouted at him and Odin had ended up hitting him.

Jane couldn't believe Odin had not only ordered his son out of the house like that, but had hit him too! She couldn't imagine what that must have felt like. She couldn't imagine Uncle Erik ever hitting her. Or her Aunt Carol when she'd been alive.

"Gamooora!" Peter called drunkenly from up the stairs. "Gamora!"

Gamora rolled her eyes. "I'll go see what he needs," she said and left the room.

Loki looked at Jane and she wanted to say something, anything, to make him feel better but she didn't know what. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be sorry, Jane…it was probably stupid to get those ID's."

"That doesn't give your father the right to hit you," she said. "And you didn't put those drinks in Thor's hand. I've seen Thor drink before – we all have. He can pound them down. And quite frankly, he should know his limit by now."

"Well, well, listen to Jane not defending Thor."

"Well, I mean, I am kind of worried though. Alcohol poisoning?"

"I don't know if he actually has that. I'm sure if they suspect he does, they'll take him to the hospital. If so, I'm sure my mother will find a way to call me. Which reminds me…can I plug my phone in? It's running low on battery."

"No, you can't. Every single outlet in this house is being used. I could unplug the coffee maker since we're not using it, but I don't know if I really want to do that. It's risky."

Loki just looked at her and then he began to smile. He laughed and shook his head. "You had me going there for a minute. Could your humor be any more dry?"

"Could you _be_ any more Chandler Bing?"

"I told you I don't watch that junk."

"Suuuurrrrre. I'm going to grab some blankets and pillows and get you set up on the couch, okay?"

He nodded and kicked off his shoes. He just looked so done. So defeated. It was not a look she was used to seeing on Loki and it was a bit disturbing.

Twenty minutes later, the couch was made into a bed, and Loki had grabbed a duffel bag from his car, brushed his teeth, and changed into his silk pajama bottoms and a tank top. Jane had already been changed, teeth brushed, and she handed Loki a glass of water as she climbed onto the sofa bed and sat cross-legged on it, facing him.

"Stop looking at me like I'm going to fall apart, Foster," he told her before downing the entire glass of water.

"I know you're not going to fall apart, but just…"

"What?" he asked and put the glass on the coffee table beside the couch.

"Your father is such a prick."

Loki burst out laughing and maneuvered himself to sit opposite Jane. "Without a doubt."

"I'll never forget or forgive him for coming to my aunt's funeral and taking a business call in the middle of services," Jane said. "I wasn't all that fond of him before that, but that sealed it."

"He's callous and cold. Always has been," Loki muttered. "Unless of course it's Thor. Then he'd break out the ticker tape parade."

Jane bit her lip. "I'm sorry."

"So you've said already."

"I don't have siblings so I don't know what it feels like to have your parent…or guardian...play favorites in that way. But I do have an uncle that chooses all his girlfriends over me so I know how that feels." She shook her head. "I'm not trying to make this about me, I'm just trying to relate because…well, I don't really relate very well, do I?" She sighed and looked toward the stairs. "I should let you get to bed. It's been a long night and I'm probably making this worse instead of better and—"

"Jane," Loki whispered and put his hand over her mouth. "Shut up."

Her brows furrowed and Loki took his hand off his mouth. "You haven't said anything wrong," he said softly. "It helps, you being here like this."

"I don't think anyone's thought of me as a comfort before."

"You listened to me. That's all I needed."

"Okay. But sleep is probably a good idea, no?"

"Will you just lay down with me for a while?"

"Loki, I don't know—"

"Just until I fall asleep. I'm not asking if I can spoon you or anything. I just…please?"

"Okay."

Ten minutes later they were on the sofa bed in the dark, the light in the hall the only small shaft of light in the room. They lay facing each other. Loki reached out and took Jane's hand. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome," she whispered back.

The plan had been for Loki to fall asleep and for Jane to go up to bed. But the night's events caught up with her and soon her lids were just too heavy to keep open and she fell asleep too.


	19. Chapter 19

**In answer to the question regarding Tabula Rasa, yes, I do still plan to finish it! I have started to work on the next chapter. I just need to finish it! :) **

**Chapter Nineteen**

The next morning when Jane awoke she was at first disoriented as she slowly started to wake up. The events of the night before began to slowly come back to her and when she pried her eyes open she found herself lying very close to Loki, almost curled up against him. She took a moment to just look at him. His bruise was darker this morning and she frowned as she looked at it. A physical reminder of a father striking his son. The bruise would fade, but Loki would never forget it.

"Jane."

Loki's voice, rough from sleep, made her start. She looked away from his bruise and at his face. His blue eyes were trained on her. "You fell asleep."

"I did," she said, her voice rough from sleep as well. She cleared it. "It was an eventful night."

"That it was," Loki murmured.

"How do you feel?" Jane asked softly.

Loki rolled onto his back and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did my father actually hit me?"

Jane didn't know what to say to that. "Should we check your phone and see if your Mom sent you a message about Thor?"

"Good thinking," he said and they both got up and padded into the kitchen where Loki's phone was charging. He picked it up off the counter and turned it on. "No messages. He must be all right…I'm going to send her a message anyway."

Jane decided to make herself useful by making coffee. No sooner had Loki sent the message than his phone rang. It was his mother and he ducked into the bathroom that was off the kitchen to answer it. The coffee was brewing by the time Loki came out, looking shell shocked.

"Loki, what happened? Is Thor okay? What did your Mom say?" Jane asked worriedly.

Loki looked at her. "Thor had to get his stomach pumped."

"Oh my God!"

"He's sleeping now. And my father…he doesn't want me to come home."

Jane shifted on her feet. "Like for the rest of today or…?"

"My mother doesn't know for how long."

Jane's eyes widened. "Oh…I…wow."

"I knew he hated me but—"

"He doesn't hate you, you're his son."

"He hates me, Jane. Can you see him throwing Thor out if the tables were turned?"

No, she couldn't. "Well, I…no—"

"Don't even bother, Jane. You know he wouldn't."

Outside of 'I'm sorry', what else could she say? Do? She could hug him. It wasn't something her and Loki did, but this was a special circumstance. She went over to him and hugged him. Awkwardly. She was about to pull way since he wasn't even hugging her back when his arms came around her and he hugged her tight. She rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Thank you," he said, and his voice cracked.

Jane pulled back; worried he was going to start crying. He looked down at her and attempted a smile. "I'm okay, Jane. I promise not to cry."

"You can."

He laughed softly. "Things must be direr than I thought if you're giving me permission to cry on your shoulder."

She pushed away from him, her brows furrowed with consternation. "I'm not a monster."

"I know—"

"I'm not good with feelings but it doesn't mean I don't have them."

"Jane—"

"I have…compassion for what you're going through."

"Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like you don't have feelings."

She shrugged him off and went to the cupboard to grab mugs. "I know how I come off," she said after pouring them coffee. "I know I'm not always easy to relate to."

Loki said nothing. This was more than he'd ever gotten out of Jane regarding how closed off she sometimes appeared and he wasn't going to stop her if she wanted to share more with him.

"When my aunt got sick I didn't feel like I could really grieve," she said, staring down at her coffee cup as she leaned against the counter. "Thor was always trying to make me laugh and take my mind off it, and I had to be strong for my aunt and my uncle. Darcy and her friends would ask how I was doing, but they didn't really want to know and I knew that. I saw the looks they would get when I would tell them I wasn't doing well at all. Then Aunt Carol died and my uncle fell apart. I had to take care of him...and now he has these women. He puts them first. I think he's just so lonely…it's like there's this hole inside of him, this Aunt Carol sized hole that he just can't fill but he keeps trying so hard…too hard. And sometimes it's like I don't even exist in his world." She shook her head. "I don't know where that all came from. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Loki said softly. "You and I are not so different. I've never been good enough for my father and you feel like you've never been enough for your uncle."

She looked at him and nodded. "Yeah." She sipped her coffee. "Okay, so, obviously you're going to need to crash here for a while. You're going to need your stuff, too. When would be a good time to get it?"

Back to practical matters. That was his Jane. "Mother said he was going to be gone for a couple hours this afternoon for a meeting."

"On a Saturday?"

"Well, that's what he told her, doesn't mean it's actually a meeting he's going to."

She made a face. "Gross. Okay, well, do you…um…want me to come with you?"

He wanted to ask if she was offering because she wanted to see Thor, but decided not to ask. She'd slept with him through the night for Christ's sake. She'd _hugged_ him. _Shared_ with him.

Jane Foster cared about him and he wasn't going to let that go.

"Yes," he said. "I want you to come with me."

xxxxxxxxx

Gamora and Peggy were outraged on Loki's behalf and told him that of course he could stay with them as long as he needed. So, Jane went with Loki in the afternoon while his father was out to grab his things.

It was a little awkward for Jane. She was afraid that Odin would show up for one. She had seen that man angry before and it wasn't a pretty sight. She could well imagine how scary he must have gotten when he'd hit Loki.

She felt a bit like she was helping Loki escape out of prison. The sad look on Frigga's face was both troubling and strangely angering. Jane wondered if she stood up to Odin. If she defended Loki at all, if she tried to keep him from keeping Loki out. Jane also wondered how she put up with Odin pitting his sons against one another and why she stayed with a man that may or may not be having an affair on her.

Jane knew that Frigga and Loki had always had a special bond, and it bothered her to think that Frigga hadn't told Odin _he_ could be the one to leave and her son could come home. That may or may not have been something that Jane wished her uncle would have done regarding what's-her-face.

She asked how Thor was and Frigga told him he was fine and just sleeping. Mostly though, Jane helped Loki pack up what he needed and didn't say much. She didn't know what to say or do beyond that.

Frigga gave Loki money as he was leaving and Loki just stared at the envelope and said, "I wish that I didn't have to take this."

"I know," Frigga said. "I'm sorry."

For the second time that day, Loki looked ready to cry.

xxxxxxxx

There was a small loft with a low ceiling – it was really basically the attic – in the apartment that Peggy, Gamora and Peter got ready for when Loki returned. It wasn't much, but it was a place for him to stay until other arrangements could be made. On the way home from his parent's house he had talked about getting a job and getting his own place, possibly seeing if Tony wanted to share an apartment with him.

After dumping his things in his temporary room, they all went to Salvation Army for a mattress. They found a full sized bed set – box spring and mattress – and Peter loaded it into his truck and back home they went.

When Loki was all set up, he asked if he could be alone for a little while and they all trooped out of his room to give him some time.

It was late when Loki finally emerged from his room. He knocked softly on Jane's door and she called out for him to come in. He came in and sat down on her bad, facing her. She had been reading a book and just looked at him, amazed still that he sought comfort from her of all people.

"I wanted to thank you for all that you did for me today," he said.

"I didn't do much, but you're welcome."

"You did a lot," he murmured. "So, what's going on with you and Donald Duck?"

Jane rolled her eyes and sighed, folding her arms across her chest in a manner Loki thought was protective. "We um…we broke up."

He blinked. "What?"

"We—"

"_When?_"

"Last week."

"How am I just hearing about this now?" Loki demanded, completely flabbergasted.

"Because I didn't tell anybody," she said simply.

"No one? Not even Gamora and Peggy?"

"Nope."

"Christ, Jane, you really do hold things close to your chest."

She shrugged. "It's not like anyone liked him anyway. I know you all thought he was boring."

"Well…yeah." She shot him a look. "Obviously you thought so too or you wouldn't have broken up with him. Am I right?"

She bit her lip and made a face. "He broke up with me."

"_What?_"

"He didn't find me…" she trailed off and made another face.

"Tell me, what didn't he find you? Willing to put up with his obsession with D and D?"

She reached out and picked at a thread on her bedspread, one arm across her stomach. "He didn't find me sexy…we didn't um…we didn't really click in the bedroom."

Loki wasn't surprised they didn't click sexually, but that fucking _Donald_ didn't find _Jane_ sexy was absolute shit. And he told her so.

She smiled in that way that said she didn't believe him but appreciated the attempt to make her feel better.

"Jane, look at me," he commanded.

She looked at him and stopped picking at the thread.

"You _are _sexy. You're beautiful—"

"Loki, stop. You're my friend you're supposed to say that—"

"No. I don't have to say anything."

She reached out the hand that had been playing with the thread and placed it on his arm. "I'm fine. It's not like I wasn't aware we weren't exactly compatible."

Loki placed a hand over hers on his arm. "So you weren't hurt?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. I didn't love him or anything. I don't even know why it lasted as long as it did. I guess it was just…"

"Comfortable?"

She nodded.

"And…Thor?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I think that is over. Again."

"It was over once?"

"It was. After high school I found myself cured. It's so stupid. I don't even know why…"

Loki's hand curled around Jane's and then laced his fingers through hers. She watched him, like she was trying to figure out what he was about.

Everything in him wanted to kiss her but he was so afraid of scaring her off. He couldn't lose the closeness they'd forged – most of it within the past 24 hours.

"You are beautiful, Jane. And sexy. Donald is an idiot."

She shrugged. She didn't believe him. Or maybe she didn't care. He wasn't sure which one it was and with Jane it could go either way.

"Perhaps tomorrow we could do something fun?" he asked.

"Like what?"

"Anything you want."

She smiled. "I'll sleep on it and let you know."

"That would be my cue…" He stood and let her hand go.

She looked up at him, brows furrowed. "Loki, are you – are you all right? Up there? With…everything?"

"I'm fine up there, Jane. I can't really say about everything else."

"I understand."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He let it linger longer than needed. "Thank you," he whispered and left her room, wishing she would call him back to her room. She didn't.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Jane paused outside her uncle's door and looked at Loki. "I can't promise this is going to go well," she told him. "And I want to apologize in advance for that."

"You don't need to apologize. We have a back up plan, remember?" he said.

She sighed. "I know, but…I mean this is the first Thanksgiving you're not with your family…"

"I'm no stranger to dysfunctional families, Jane. It's not like I've had joyful Thanksgivings. Most of them have revolved around Thor and football. I would just be in my room until dinner, eat, go back to my room, come back for dessert, and then go back to my room again."

Jane's expression grew wistful. "Thanksgiving when Aunt Carol was alive was great. The house would smell of turkey, and there would be mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes with brown sugar and mini-marshmallows, squash with a big slab of melting butter on the top and stuffing…"

"You're making me hungry, Foster."

She looked at the door. "Now I'm just worried. He's still under the influence of Lynn. He promised turkey, but I'm still concerned."

"Is she vegetarian or something?"

"Yes, with strong vegan leanings."

"Shit."

"I know."

The door opened then and there stood the perky and annoying Lynn with a big smile on her face. "Well, hello! I thought I heard voices out here! Hello, Jane!" The next thing Jane knew she found herself in Lynn's arms, being crushed into a hug. She heard Loki laugh softly behind her. Then she laughed when he was squashed in a crushing embrace next.

Jane stopped dead once they were in the house. All the furniture had been moved around and the walls in the living room were not the cozy blue color she and Aunt Carol had painted them, but white. Fucking stark white.

"What happened in here?" Jane asked stiffly, pointing to the living room.

Erik came out of the kitchen then and passed through the dining area. He looked guilty. "We changed a few things."

"You painted the walls and the furniture is all different and – Jesus Christ, what is with all the pillows on the sofa?"

"Jane, we don't use foul language in this house," Lynn said disapprovingly.

"This isn't your house," Jane snapped.

"Jane," Erik said warningly.

Jane pursed her lips together. Loki came up beside her and placed a hand at the small of her back. She found herself leaning in toward him. Her gaze drifted over the room, taking in all the changes.

"Lynn moved in," Erik said.

Jane looked at him in surprise. "When?"

"After you moved out," Lynn said. "Come, give me your coats. I'll hang them up."

Jane and Loki took off their coats and handed them over and Lynn trotted off.

Jane finally really looked at her uncle. "Did you _dye _your hair?" she asked.

"Yes," her uncle said and ran his hand through his blond locks.

"But – but you liked the white that was coming in."

"Lynn likes it this way."

"It looks great, Erik," Loki said. "Is there anything we can help with for dinner?"

"No, no, Lynn's got the tofurky in already."

Jane and Loki both looked at him and blinked. "The what now?" Jane asked.

"The tofurky."

"What the hell is tofurky?" Jane demanded.

"Tofu," Erik said guiltily. "That tastes like turkey."

"Have you _had_ this tofurky?" Jane asked.

Erik nodded. "We've had it before. It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? So it's shit," Jane said testily.

"Jane, Jane, what did we say about language?" Lynn said as she came back in the room. She was wearing a blue skirt, a white button down shirt tucked in to her skirt, black heels and her black hair was pulled back into a headband. She looked like Donna Reed. Jane wanted to gouge her eyes out.

"Why don't we all sit down? Dinner is going to be ready in just a few minutes," Lynn said.

Jane and Loki hung back. Jane wanted to leave. She already hated this.

"What do you want to do, love?" Loki asked softly in her ear.

"I want to leave," she said honestly.

"Why don't we try it at least? Then we can make our excuses after and go to our backup."

"Okay."

"Darling, that means you have put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that until you're in the dining room."

She started to move, Loki's hand at her back still. He pushed her a bit and she moved faster. She was glad he was there; she was going to need someone to stop her from impaling Lynn on a fork and asking her what she did with her uncle's body after the pod with New Uncle Erik had hatched.

Loki sat beside her at the table, one arm across the back of her chair. When the tofurky came out – and it looked like a round slightly jiggly brown mass – Loki started to laugh. Lynn didn't look as though she knew what to make of his laughter.

Jane passed on the tofurky and tried the mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. How did one fuck up those things? Jane wasn't sure how, but Lynn managed to do it nonetheless.

Erik asked about school, the apartment, and her grades. Lynn asked if Jane and Loki were dating and, if so, were they using protection? Jane was too stunned to even answer so Loki did for her.

"Uh, well, no, Jane and I are not dating," he said smoothly. "We are very good friends. Right, Jane?"

"Yes," Jane said woodenly. She put her fork down. "I need to use the bathroom."

"We say we need to powder our nose, dear," Lynn corrected her.

"That's rather archaic," Loki said.

"Quite," Jane agreed. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a fucking leak."

Lynn dropped her fork and it clattered to her plate. She got up and marched into kitchen.

"Really, Jane, can't you just try?" Erik scolded her and rushed after Lynn.

Jane gritted her teeth and marched off to use the bathroom upstairs. Her old bathroom. Halfway up she stopped. And stared. Blank walls. There used to be photos of her uncle, her aunt, her aunt and uncle together, her aunt and uncle with Jane, and her parents. Her Mom. Her Dad. Her parents with her.

Now they were gone.

"Where are the photos of Aunt Carol? Of my Mom and Dad?" Jane called out. When she didn't get an answer, she screamed it.

Erik and Loki came running. Erik looked guilty again. Lynn looked smug.

Jane ran down the stairs and started to go after Lynn, her hands balled into fists. Loki grabbed her around the waist to stop her and Erik stood in front of Lynn to protect her.

"Where are they?" Jane shouted. "Where are the photos of Aunt Carol and my parents?"

Lynne was the one to answer. "We put them away—"

"I didn't ask you, you fucking cunt," Jane seethed.

"Jane, sweetheart, calm down," Loki said gently yet firmly. "You can't kill your uncle's girlfriend."

Jane stopped trying to get to her and held up her hands. "I'm done. I'm leaving." She turned and walked out, not even thinking to collect her jacket. Loki did though, and he joined her in the car a few minutes later as she sat slumped over, her head against the steering wheel, and sobbed.

Loki didn't say a word. He covered her with her jacket and pulled her away from the steering wheel, bringing her as close as he could get with the emergency break and gearshift in between them.

"Jane," he murmured gently. "Jane, I'm sorry…"

"You didn't do anything," she said through her tears.

"I hate to see you hurt," he replied.

She pulled away from him and wiped her tears away. "Can we just get take out? I want to go home."

"Yes, we'll go home and watch a movie."

She nodded, started her car, and off they went.

xxxxxx

"Hey, I need to go out for a little while," Loki said four hours later from beside Jane on her bed.

After going to the Chinese food restaurant and getting take out, they'd holed themselves up in Jane's bedroom and watched _A Christmas Story_ and _Scrooged_. Jane had changed into her pajamas and gotten under the covers while Loki had respectfully stayed on top of them.

As the credits rolled for Scrooged, Jane looked up at Loki in question. "Where do you need to go? It's Thanksgiving. Everything's closed."

He gestured to their empty food cartons. "Not everything."

"Most everything. Tell me where you're going."

"Nope."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine. But if you can manage it, can you bring back pie from wherever you're going?"

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'll try my best."

After Loki left, Jane clicked off her television and burrowed further under the covers. She caught a whiff of Loki's scent and she found her lips curling into a soft smile. She was glad he'd been there with her today, even if she wished he could have had a good holiday. While he and Thor seemed on not-great-but-okay ground, Frigga only called him when Odin was not around and she knew that bothered him. How could it not? Why couldn't she stand up to her husband for her son?

Her thoughts turned to today with her uncle. Maybe it seemed silly to get upset over a few painted walls, but she and her aunt had painted the room together. Aunt Carol had grown tired of the "vomit green" on the walls and one afternoon had decided to get three gallons of paint and go to town. Jane had been young, about twelve, but she'd been put to work. Afterward, they'd sat in the middle of the floor with hot chocolate and admired their handiwork. When the walls had dried, they'd painstakingly rehung all the pictures on the wall.

Now the walls were painted hospital room white and the pictures…the pictures! Was her uncle trying to just forget her parents, Aunt Carol…her? All for some bitch that made him dye his hair and eat Tofurky?

Jane shut her eyes tight and pulled her pillow over her head. She didn't want to think about this anymore, didn't want this hurt every time she did. So, instead she thought of happy things like Leonardo DiCaprio and how hot he'd been in Romeo + Juliet.

Before long, Jane was fast asleep.

xxxxxxx

"Jane…wake up, Jane."

Jane opened her eyes. Was it still Thanksgiving? Black Friday? She was in her bed, right? What was on her head?

"Were you trying to smother yourself while I was gone?" she heard Loki mutter and then the pillow was taken off her head. She blinked up at Loki and he shook his head at her, a smile on his lips. "We might not have had the traditional Thanksgiving fare, but you certainly fell asleep like we did."

Jane stuck her tongue out at him and then sat up and yawned. "How long were you gone?"

"Almost two hours."

"Did you bring back pie on this mysterious out—" She stopped talking abruptly when she caught sight of her dresser. Or rather what was _on_ her dresser: the photos of her parents and the one of her with her aunt and uncle. Tears filled her eyes and she looked at Loki in awe. "That was your mysterious trip?"

He smiled gently at her. "Yes."

"He gave them up?"

"He kept the others, but knew you'd want these. I wasn't sure if he'd let me take any back to you, but I had to try."

Jane got up on her knees and threw her arms around him, causing him to lose his balance. His arms went around her as he pushed them in the other direction and he ended up half on top of her and half on her bed. He looked at her, met her gaze straight on, and then moved so that he was lying next to her and looking down at her, his arm under her head.

"Loki, I…oh, God, I can't believe you did that for me," she said.

"It broke your heart to see those pictures down. I wanted to make it better."

She yanked him down to her by his shirt and hugged him.

"I don't want to crush you, Jane," he told her.

"You're not," she said, but loosened her arms a bit. He lifted a bit and looked down at her, smiling.

Their eyes met and held. The moment stretched. That look of interest sparked in her eyes…and something else. Something he hadn't seen before there. Something warm and soft and inviting.

He couldn't help himself. Loki finally gave into what he'd wanted to do for months now. He kissed her.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-one

Jane kissed him back for all of a minute and then she broke the kiss and pushed at his chest. He looked down at her, but didn't move off her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a bit breathlessly.

She looked at him as though he was crazy. "What's – Loki, what are you doing? What am _I_ doing?"

"We were kissing."

"Thank you from the Department of the Obvious."

"Were you enjoying it?"

She blinked. "I – yes, but—"

"No buts."

"Yes, there is a but. For one thing we need to stop saying but, for another thing we've been down this road before and I hurt you. I don't want to do that again."

He didn't want to get hurt again either, but if there was a small chance that he could somehow get to Jane, he would take it. So, he found himself saying: "What if we just had some fun?"

"What do you mean? Just have sex?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Why?"

"We're both single, we're friends, we're attracted to each other. You are attracted to me?"

She didn't say anything for a long time, just stared up at him and Loki feared the worst. She was going to say no, she wasn't. Then he'd have nothing to work with at all. Then everything he'd thought he'd felt and seen from her would have been him projecting what he wanted onto her and not at all how she really felt. How crushing would that be?

Finally, she said very softly, "Yes."

"I want you, Jane," he whispered. "Do you want me too?"

"But—"

"No more buts remember?"

She emitted short laugh, but then quickly got serious again. "I don't want a relationship, Loki. I'm not looking to date anyone."

"We won't date. We'll do what we always do but just…have sex."

"Friends with benefits?"

"Why not?"

"Like I said I hurt you before."

"I'm going into this knowing what we are and what we're doing. If our eyes are open no one gets hurt."

"I don't know…"

"I'm a lot better in bed," he told her with a grin. "I've learned a lot."

Her expression clouded over. "Yeah, I'm sure Sigyn taught you a lot."

"Jealous?" he teased, but really hoped that she was.

"No," she said a bit too quickly and forcefully. She averted her gaze and then looked back at him. "Is that why you retrieved those pictures? Some kind of weird buttering me up and making me feel all warm and mushy towards you so I'll sleep with you?"

He was actually angry that she'd even think that, even if on some level he understood how she'd get there. He moved off of her and got to his feet. She sat up against the headboard and looked at him.

"No, Jane," he said, not bothering to hide his annoyance. "I retrieved those photos for you because it upset you to the point that you almost hit your uncle's girlfriend. Then you sobbed your eyes out in the car. Is it so hard to believe that I wanted to make you feel better? I thought we were closer than that this time around."

"We are," she said quietly.

"I want you, Jane. I want you in my bed. I'm not asking for a commitment. I'm asking…"

"If you can fuck me."

Leave it to Jane to put it that crudely. Well, fine. "Yes."

She looked at him for so long without saying a word that he thought she was just trying to find the words to tell him no. He refused to look away from her and their eyes stayed trained on one another until Loki thought he was going to scream in frustration.

Then she moved swiftly off the bed and stopped. Looked at him again. Then she reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt and practically yanked him to her, crashing her lips onto his and kissing him as though she was the one that had all this pent up hunger and yearning.

Loki gripped her to him and hoped she didn't stop. When she tugged at his shirt, he figured he was good to go. He lifted his arms, helping her divest him of his shirt. She fumbled with the snap of his jeans next while Loki tugged at her shirt, letting her know he wanted it off. She stopped with his jeans and helped him discard her shirt. Her bra was next and Loki hungrily took one breast in his mouth and suckled from it.

"Loki," Jane gasped, threading her fingers through his black locks. He treated her other breast to the same attention and then straightened to kiss her on the lips as he pushed her back to the bed.

When the back of her knees hit the bed, she plopped down on it and looked up at him. Loki practically tore off his jeans and socks. When he was naked, standing there erect and wanting, Jane reached out and wrapped her hand gently but firmly around his cock. She squeezed gently and then began to move her hand slowly up and down his shaft. All the while those sable eyes of hers watched him intently.

"God, yes, please," he begged. "Jane…" His eyes drifted shut. Then shot open when her mouth closed down around him. He watched her lick him like a lollipop with considerably better skill than she had that one night in Boston so long ago. Her mouth was magic he decided.

But he didn't want to come in her mouth. As if she sensed that, she backed off and started to undo her jeans. Loki helped her by yanking on the legs of her jeans. She laughed and he laughed too. Her panties were next.

"Do I need a condom?" he asked her hoarsely as she lay back on the bed and looked up at him.

"No."

Loki climbed over her and rested on the side of her, braced up on his elbow. He ran one hand down her neck, across her collarbone and over her breasts, her stomach and when he reached the core of her; she spread her legs a little further apart. He gently but firmly stroked her nub the same way she'd stroked him. Jane moaned and her eyes fluttered shut. Her legs spread even further apart and bent them so that her feet dug into the bed as he touched her. He inserted one finger inside her tight heat and she bucked up and gasped.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Tell me what you want," he said.

"Keep doing what you're doing," she replied on a moan.

"Can I put my mouth on you?"

If the look of pure lust on her face was anything to by the answer was yes. Loki moved so that he was on his stomach, his head between her thighs. He suckled at her clit as he inserted two fingers inside her. He then swirled his tongue around her clit, lapped at it, and flicked his tongue rapidly against it. She cried out, her legs shook and dropped to the bed. Loki licked his lips and climbed over her, straddled her, and let his cock rub against her. She jerked and gasped and Loki grinned down at her.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded emphatically and he pushed inside her slowly, watching her closely. Her eyes fluttered shut and she moaned and reached for him. Loki bent over her, bracing himself on his hands on either side of her head. He kissed her, holding still inside her body, and then slowly began to move.

"Oh my God, yes," she hissed.

"Does my cock feel good inside you, Jane?"

"Yessss…"

"You're so wet and tight…" he murmured. She felt like absolute heaven. He never wanted to stop; he never wanted this to end.

"Mmmm…." She started to meet him thrust for thrust as she placed her hands on her breasts and squeezed and pushed them together. The sight turned him on even more and Loki started to thrust harder and faster. He didn't think he'd ever been so hard in his life. He brushed her hands away, bent over her, and took one breast in his mouth and flicked her nipple with his tongue.

"Oh God…" Jane groaned. "Harder, Loki. Fuck me harder."

He obliged her request and lifted so that he was on his knees. He pulled her closer, draping her thighs over his, opening her wider and he began to fuck her faster and harder. Then he started to play with her clit.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," she chanted and then her mouth opened wide into an O and she grabbed a nearby pillow and screamed into it. Her inner walls clamped down around him and pulsed and Loki cried out and held himself inside her as he came and came and came.

Jane pulled him down to her and kissed him hard. When they broke to breathe, they were both panting, their bodies slick with sweat.

Loki grinned down at her and his heart swelled inside his chest. He wanted to tell her he loved her. He knew that would not be welcome though.

Jane laughed, somewhat nervously. "I suppose I can't hate Sigyn anymore," she said.

Loki couldn't help but feel smug about the fact that he'd gotten her off. He moved to her side and smiled at her somewhat arrogantly. "Too good to only do once don't you think?"

She smiled impishly at him and then got up off the bed. "I need a shower."

Loki wondered if that was his cue to leave. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay in bed with her and hold her. He supposed though that was what couples who were dating did. Not friends with benefits who just got each other off.

Loki got up as well and started to grab his clothes off the floor. "I'm going to go up to my room. Knock on the wall when you're done so I can take one next."

She looked at him and opened her mouth like she wanted to ask him something or say something, but then she seemed to change her mind, closed her mouth, and nodded. She grabbed her bathrobe off the door and hurried out of the room and down the hall.

Loki stared at the door and raked a hand through his hair. _Please tell me she was not going to ask me to stay with her tonight. If I just royally fucked that up…_

Jane Foster was going to be the death of him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-two**

Sex with Loki had been incredible. Jane couldn't stop thinking about it as she lay in bed that night. She swore she could feel him inside her and it was just so…delicious.

She had only been with two men in her young life: Loki and Donald. Her first time with Loki hadn't been terrible, but it had been her first time. There was nothing spectacular about losing one's virginity when it came to the pleasure aspect of it. Sex with Donald had been underwhelming all around. Jane had begun to think after her experiences with Donald that she would just never have an orgasm from sex, and that it would always be so…boring. Gamora went on at length though about how great sex with Peter was, and Peggy was quite fond of the random hook up. She enjoyed sex, plain and simple.

Then, when Donald had told her that he just didn't find her sexy and sexually exciting, Jane was convinced that she was just terrible in the sack and that something was wrong with her. It's not like she'd had a lot of practice and experience with it. She only had her limited experience, stories from her friends, some porn, and books to go by. Without experience to back any of that up, she sort of felt like a hopeless case.

Then there was Loki. He found her sexy and sexually exciting enough to want to have an…affair? fling? arrangement? with her. And she was attracted to him…very much so. Disturbingly so.

She didn't want a boyfriend that much was true. Dating was rather tedious and she hated the whole idea of being beholden to someone else. Even when she and Donald had started to see less of each other she still felt obligated to invite him out to places she knew he wasn't interested in going to, and to do things he had no desire to do. Why have to go through all that junk when she could just do what she wanted, when she wanted?

And now she'd just done _who_ she wanted. She giggled to herself and then rolled her eyes and burrowed under the covers. She was turning into some kind of mushy girl and that wouldn't do. She had once thought herself some kind of hopeless closet romantic, but no more. Romance was such bullshit. It was a fabrication; it wasn't real…her gaze drifted to the photos Loki had retrieved from her uncle. Well…maybe.

She frowned and rolled onto her back. Loki hadn't asked if he could stay in her bed. Or ask her to join him in his. Though perhaps that was best. She wasn't keen on the whole house knowing what they were doing…what they'd already done.

Plus, Loki had seemed a little eager to get out of her bedroom. Jane's frown deepened. Maybe while she was waxing poetic and getting all girly and shit over sex with Loki he'd already gotten over it. He had mentioned wanting to do it again though….but their arrangement was to be fuck buddies, not to fall asleep in each other's arms. That was very couple-y. That was not part of the arrangement and Jane was not about to become one of those stupid girls that mistook sex and lust for love.

Nope, not her.

She was single and independent.

She was an island.

Jane rolled over, facing away from the photos and shut her eyes, putting all thought of love and romance right out of her head.

xxxxxxxx

The next morning Jane forced herself from her bedroom, determined not to avoid Loki because it was the light of day and she felt a tad self-conscious that they'd had sex the night before.

Why did everything feel so different in the morning? What was it about the night that made some things feel like a great idea? Then it was like the sun chased that away and illuminated the cracks in your thinking and feelings. The night was magical and the day was stark and cold.

She found herself wondering if Loki regretted it. If he would even acknowledge it. Once upon a time they never acknowledged when they'd fool around, but Jane wasn't sure if, even in her quest to avoid confrontations and all things awkward, could accept that as their MO.

She stepped into the kitchen where Peggy, Gamora, and Loki were having coffee and munching on cereal. Gamora and Peggy looked like they were going over their homework and Loki was reading a book. And of course he was facing her way when she walked in.

She ducked her head and went to the coffee maker. _Coward_, she thought. She grabbed a mug and poured her coffee and mumbled a "Good Morning" before busying herself with making toast.

She was standing in front of the toaster, willing it to toast that motherfucking piece of bread quickly when she felt a hand on the small of her back. She jumped, looked over her shoulder and found Loki standing _right there_. "Will you put some bread in for me when you're done?" he asked softly.

She nodded, hating how her heart raced.

He smiled. "Thank you, love," he said on a rumble and then he winked and walked away and Jane relaxed. Everything was just fine.

xxxxxxx

"I want you right now."

The words were whispered in Jane's ear as she bent over her homework in the library. She looked up and to the side just as Loki sat down beside her. She looked around them though she knew that they were alone. The fifth floor of the library was barely ever occupied. This part of the library held only a few areas to study – plenty of little nooks and crannies in which one could hide in to read, nap, or do homework. Jane had done all three at some point.

"How did you find me?" she asked me.

He smirked. "You think I don't know how to find you?"

She'd give him that. It wasn't like he didn't know her favorite spots on campus to hide. She frowned. "Don't you have a class right now?"

"It was canceled."

"Doesn't that mean you're done for the day? You could go home."

"Jane, don't take this the wrong way, but shut up."

She shot him a glare. "I'm not sure how I could possibly take that wrong."

"I want you."

"Loki-"

"I can't stop thinking about last night. How it felt to be inside you. I got hard in my Middle Ages Lit class just thinking about it."

Jane felt her cheeks redden. "Loki…"

He leaned forward and put his finger under her chin, turning her head towards him. He kissed her hungrily, skimming his tongue along her bottom lip. His hand slid to the back of her neck. "What do you say? Feel like being a little adventurous?"

Her interest was sparked. "What did you have in mind?"

He grinned, stood, and held out his hand. "Come with me."

She looked at his hand and then at him. "Where are we going first?"

"What happened to my daring girl that wanted to try new things?"

"That was like five years ago, Loki. You can't hold me to something I said five years ago."

He pointed at her. "You're curious though, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes."

"I think you see what you want to see."

"Truer words have never been spoken. Come on."

"My books and—"

"No one is up here, Jane. And no one wants your physics book. Now do you want me to fuck you or not?"

Hearing him speak his intent so freely caused Jane to catch her breath. She felt her core tingle in anticipation. "Yes," she said breathlessly.

"Then let's go," he said and held out his hand again.

She took it.

They passed by the stacks and stacks of books at a great speed. Jane had to run to keep up with him. She laughed and he turned and smiled at her and Jane felt it. She wanted him too. Badly.

He pulled her into a small room with a few tables and chairs and locked the door behind him. She looked at him with wide eyes. "Is this a good idea?"

Loki took her face in his hands and kissed her thoroughly. "Yes," he whispered. "It is." He pushed her back a bit and Jane hit the back of a table. Loki's hands went to the snap of her jeans and he undid them deftly while whispering to her. "I can't wait to feel you cream all over my cock. You're like liquid heat around me…"

Jane was finding it hard to breathe. Once her jeans and panties were pushed down he began fingering her, sinking one finger inside her. "Oh, love," he murmured. "You're already wet for me…"

Jane was having a hard time staying upright. So she leaned back onto the table as Loki continued to finger her. She gripped the edges of the table hard. "Loki," she whispered and he kissed her fervently.

"I love it when you say my name like that," he panted against her lips.

"Like what?"

"Like you want me," he said.

She smiled. "I do," she said and kissed him again.

He groaned and kissed her harder while undoing his own jeans and pushing them down along with his boxers. He pushed her back just a little bit and pulled her pants and panties off completely.

"Are you ready?" he asked with a grin.

She nodded and leaned back on her elbows. He thrust inside her with one long stroke and Jane bit down on her lip to keep from crying out.

"I want to hear you," he told her. "Scream for me, Jane."

"No, not here," she said and then moaned when angled himself just so inside her…

"Yes, here. All the time, I want to hear you."

"No," she said stubbornly and pulled him closer by his shirt.

"I will make you scream," he vowed.

Her smile bespoke of a challenge and Loki increased his thrusts.

"Fuck, you're so fucking tight," he muttered. "I can't stand it, how good you feel."

Jane grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought him closer to kiss him.

"Do you love this, Jane? Do you?" he asked.

"Yes," she breathed.

He fucked her harder and faster.

"Are you going to come all over my cock, Jane?"

She nodded, words were escaping her. The coil inside her tightened…tighter…tighter…

His hand on her clit sent her right over and she cried out.

"Yes, yes, fuck yes," Loki said through gritted teeth and then he came with a shout and pressed his body into hers. She wrapped her arms around him to keep from falling back. He held her close, nuzzled her neck, nibbled on her ear. "I made you scream," he whispered.

"Are we crazy?" she whispered.

He smiled. "Absolutely. Isn't it great?"

She smiled despite herself.

"Let's go home," he said softly. "I want you again."

"Already?"

He pulled back slightly and just looked at her, his eyes looking at her so tenderly. Then he kissed her softly and whispered, "Yes."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-three**

When Jane pulled in the driveway at home, Loki was already leaning against his car and looking quite put out. He pointed to Gamora's car in the parking lot. She smiled. He was kind of cute when he pouted. When she joined him beside his car he asked, "So, how do you want to handle this?"

She bit her lip. "Um, well, I don't think we'll be able to… ya know."

"Fuck each other's brains out?" Loki asked with a smirk. "So we're keeping this secret."

"Yeah, I mean…do you really want everyone to know? It's none of their business for one and for another I really don't relish what would come after."

"What would come after, do you imagine?"

"The teasing, the inevitable comments of whether or not we'll end up dating, the warning of one of us developing feelings for the other…" She ducked her head and then looked up at him. "It would go against the whole arrangement don't you think?"

Loki heard the real question there. She wanted to know if he had feelings for her again. Feelings that she could potentially hurt and didn't want to again. He smiled and nodded. "Yes, you're absolutely right. That does sound dreadful, doesn't it?"

Now she looked relieved. _Dammit._ "So, um, I guess until later then." She rushed off into the house and after a minutes deliberation, Loki followed. When he went inside he found Jane and Gamora in the kitchen poring over a newspaper.

"What are you two up to?" he asked and went to the fridge to grab a water.

"Gamora wants to go to a movie," Jane explained. "Any interest?"

Loki sighed. "No, I think instead I will take a trip into the city and see if there are any jobs available. The money my mother gave me will run out soon enough and I need to think about getting a place of my own eventually."

"I'm not averse to you staying here," Gamora said. "I kind of like having a guy around. If you keep paying us money every month you can stay here."

"What about Peter?" Loki asked. "Doesn't he mind?"

"He's fine," Gamora said and looked a little bit longer at Loki. Message received: Peter knew Loki wanted Jane and that's why he was fine with the arrangement.

"Hey, if you happen to pass by Urban Outfitters or Starbucks can you let me know if they're hiring?" Jane asked him.

"Of course. I'll even pick up an application for you."

"Urban Outfitters? Starbucks? Are we becoming a little pretentious, Jane?" Gamora teased.

"Becoming?" Jane teased back with a smirk.

Gamora rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. She folded the paper up and looked at Jane. "So? We going?"

Jane smiled. "Yes. Let's go."

Gamora went ahead of her and when Jane passed by Loki, he grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "Come to my room later?"

She looked at him shyly. _Jane. Shy_. What was happening here? She nodded. "Okay."

xxxxxxxx

Loki was putting the finishing touches on the few applications he'd picked up in the city when he heard Jane's voice and her soft tread on the stairs that led up to his room. "Loki?"

He smiled. "I'm here."

"Am I bothering you?" she asked.

"No, love, come on up."

And then she appeared, her cheeks red, hair windblown. She was carrying a pizza box and she placed it down on the bed before him as she sat down across from him. "We got pizza. I brought you home some."

"Thank you, sweet" he said, touched beyond belief that she'd thought of him while she'd been out. He grabbed the applications he'd picked up for her off his nightstand. "Starbucks and Urban Outfitters as requested. I got a couple for me too. Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. You're quite pretentious. You'd fit right in."

He laughed and opened the pizza box. "Want any?"

"Nope. I'm stuffed." Instead, she put the applications back on his night stand and crawled over to the other side of his bed and lay down on her back, one arm under hear head. Her legs were crossed at the ankles and she looked utterly and thoroughly at home on his bed.

Loki wolfed down a few slices of the pizza and then closed the box, placed it on the floor, and climbed over Jane, straddling her. He grinned down at her and found her actually looking shy again.

"Loki, do you think anyone saw us today in the library?" she asked.

"No. There was no one there on that floor, Jane. No one but us." He bent over her and nuzzled her neck. "Worried?"

"I guess I feel a little…funny about it."

"Funny?" he inquired, kissing her jaw and pushing her shirt up over her stomach.

"I've never done anything like that before," she murmured. "It kind of reminded me of that time you drove Sigyn and I home when you were fifteen."

He laughed softly. "So you were going along for the ride so to speak, but you had your reservations about it?"

"I think I managed to lose my reservations rather quickly…"

He grinned down at her. "When I was inside you?"

She nodded, her cheeks reddening.

"I want inside you again," he whispered.

She took his face in her hands and kissed him passionately while Loki undid her jeans. He then pushed her shirt up, and she sat up and helped him divest her of it and then worked the snap of her bra.

Once her bra was gone and she was on her back again, Loki licked at first one nipple and then the other. He began to kiss a path down to the top of her jeans and pushed them down along with her panties. He sat up, pulling off her jeans and panties and tossing them to the floor. He whipped his shirt off and then quickly discarded his own jeans and boxers. Jane sat up, legs spread, and he knelt between them as they kissed.

"You taste like pizza," she murmured with a laugh.

He laughed softly. "Sorry?"

"It's okay," she whispered and lay back, pulling him down to her by the shoulders.

Loki gazed down at her, feeling utterly lost. She smiled like his own personal siren, beckoning him to fall under her spell. And he had. God help him he had. "You're so beautiful," he whispered just before he kissed her softly, sweetly.

He took her slow this time, wanting to make this last. He'd gotten the urgent need to have her, to make sure she still wanted him out of his system that afternoon. Now he wanted to take his time, touch her all over, find what spots made her purr for him.

"Can we try something different?" she asked, one hand on his shoulder.

He blinked. "Of course."

"I've never…I want you to take me doggy style. Have you done that?"

He had. Once. He'd imagined Sigyn was Jane the entire time. Not one of his proudest moments. "Yes."

Something he couldn't quite name flashed across her features and was gone before he could begin to decipher it. "Can you…teach me?"

"Yes," he said hoarsely. Did she realize how much she actually trusted him to ask him such a thing? Had she ever realized it before when they'd gone down this path? No, it wasn't her heart that she was giving him, but she still trusted him with her body, trusted him not to hurt her and to just use her body to slake his lust. She trusted that this would be a give and take.

Come to think of it, this _was_ different from high school. Then he'd felt used. He didn't feel used this time; he felt like they were in this together. Jane _had_ grown softer. He still wasn't there yet, but he felt closer than he ever had before. He felt hope.

He moved out of her and gently guided her onto her hands and knees. She spread her legs as he instructed and Loki just knelt there, staring at her. She looked over her shoulder at him. "Loki?"

"You're so fucking sexy," he whispered.

She smiled, pleased. "Thank you."

He moved up behind her and guided his cock to her entrance. She looked ahead and gripped the bedspread. "If it hurts, you tell me and we stop," he told her. He grabbed her hips. "Got it?"

"Yes," she whispered and he heard the nervousness in her voice.

Slowly, Loki pushed inside her. He heard her soft intake of breath…and then when he was seated inside her, an exhale.

"Okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes."

"Jane, are you sure?"

"Yes. Just go slow? You feel bigger this way."

He smiled. His girl was a trooper. He began to move slowly. In…out…in…out…

Her head bowed and she gasped. "Faster," she said. "Please."

While he enjoyed how this position felt, he wanted to see her face. "Jane, look at me, please."

She folded in half and rested her cheek on the bedspread and looked at him. The dazed, blissed out look on her face assuaged his fear that he was hurting her. He moved faster. Harder.

She gripped the bedspread tighter and emitted a soft sob of need. "More, more, please more," she gasped and moved so that he couldn't see her face.

He stopped.

She whipped her head around to look at me. "What are you doing? Why'd you stop?!"

"I want to see your face," he growled. "Don't turn away from me."

She nodded and kept looking at him as she moved harder and faster inside her. Then she whimpered and arched her back. Loki placed a hand there, keeping her in place. He began to pound inside of her.

And then she moved her face into his pillow and screamed into it. He followed soon after, crying out as he came. He slumped over her as they caught their breaths and then Loki pulled out of her, watching as his cum leaked out of her.

"Don't move, love," he said and grabbed a tissue off his nightstand. Gently, he cleaned her of his leaking cum. The primal part of him loved the sight. She had his cum inside her; that meant she was his. When he was done, her legs gave out and she crashed onto his bed, giggling.

"Oh my God, Loki," she said and lay on her side, half her face in his pillow. "That was amazing."

Loki came up beside her and ran a hand down her arm. He smiled. "It was. Though I like seeing your face when we make—have sex."

"I gathered that," she said with a smile. "Why?"

"Because I like to see what you're feeling and thinking."

"You can tell what I'm thinking and feeling by looking at me?"

"Sometimes," he murmured. "Come closer to me…"

She unfolded her legs, straightening them and moved closer to him. "Can I be on top next time? I've never done that."

"Did you ever do anything but missionary with Donald?"

She frowned and shook her head. "No."

Loki played with a lock of her hair, twining it between his fingers. "He was the boring one. Not you."

She placed her hands on his chest lightly. "Did you do a lot with Sigyn?"

"I don't want to talk about Sigyn, Jane."

She sighed. "Neither do I, actually." She rolled onto her back and blinked up at the ceiling.

Loki watched her, wishing he could crawl inside her head to discover what she was thinking. "Where are you?" he asked softly.

She smiled and then looked at him. "Here." And then she sat up. "I better go."

He didn't want her to go. He never wanted her to go. He clenched his jaw; he would not ask her to stay. He would not give himself away. Not yet.

She leaned over and kissed him before climbing out of the bed, pulling her clothes on quickly and with a wiggle of her fingers, she was gone.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-four**

"Pegs, have you seen Jane?" Loki asked as he came up beside his roommate whom was sipping spiked eggnog. It had been Peggy's idea to throw a holiday party of a few friends at the house. A few friends had somehow culminated into thirty people in attendance. This, he knew, was Jane's nightmare. Anything over their usual group of ten or less and Jane got twitchy.

"I think she's outside talking to some guy," Peggy said. She watched him closely for any reaction and Loki did his best not to give one. All he said was, "Outside? It's fucking cold outside. Is she mad?"

"Why don't you go get her and bring her inside then?" Peggy suggested with a knowing smirk.

Loki arched a brow at her. "I think I'll do that."

He pushed his way through the crowd and managed to get outside where Jane was in fact standing with some guy talking heatedly. She was gesticulating madly and the guy she was with was just watching her with a grin that said _I find you cute when you're passionate. _Loki knew that look well and he didn't like it.

"Brute force can only take you so far, Evan. The astronauts intellect is far superior to that of a cavemen," Jane was saying.

What the bloody hell were they talking about?

Loki came up beside Jane and placed a hand on her back. "Jane, darling, what are you and…?"

The boy she called Evan reached out a hand. "Evan Donnelly, nice to meet you."

Loki shook the boy's hand, taking care to tighten his grip a little harder than he needed to. Recognition flashed in Evan's eyes. Message received: Jane was his. Back off. "Loki Odinson," Loki said with a curt nod and released Evan's hand. He smiled down at Jane. "What are you talking about out here?"

"I needed some air," Jane told him. "You know how it is."

"You hate parties. I know."

She nodded. "Some of Peter's frat buddies were playing beer pong in the kitchen and they were being obnoxiously loud and then there wasn't any room to move in the living room – I needed to get out of there."

"I followed," Evan said. "Then I asked Jane who would win if astronauts and cavemen had a fight."

"You asked the astrophysicist who she thought would win between astronauts and cavemen?" Loki asked with an arched brow. "Were you surprised by her answer?"

"Nope, not at all, " Evan said. He shrugged. "Sometimes it's fun getting her going."

Loki knew that all too well but he didn't want anyone save him 'getting her going'. "Jane, it's colder than a witch's tit out here. Let's go inside."

"Well, who the fuck walks out here without a coat on?" Jane pointed out, but allowed him to guide her towards the house.

"Yes, yes, you can chastise me once we're inside."

Jane took the lead on their way inside and Evan followed behind Loki. Once they were inside the house, Loki pushed Jane forward. "Let's go to my bedroom. I have something for you," he said in her ear.

"Is that something in your pants perchance?" she teased and waggled her brows.

"No, but if you're a good girl, maybe that will be part of your gift."

"Oooh, we could do a holiday role play! You'll be Santa and I'll be the naughty girl that comes to see you!"

"I'm not dressing up like Santa."

"How about just the hat?"

"I'll see if I can steal Peter's."

She grinned and bounded off excitedly while Loki detoured to Peter to ask him if he could borrow his Santa hat. The great thing about Peter was that he never asked why when one someone asked him something a little odd. He just went with it. So, Loki asked and Peter handed it right over.

Then Loki bounded off to be with his girl. He found her on his bed with a wrapped gift in front of her and a beaming smile on her face. Loki grinned at her and pointed to the hat.

She laughed, jumped to her feet, and kissed him. Loki's heart thudded hard in his chest. How could she not see? How did she not yet realize that this was more than fuck buddies? He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled the side of her face while she giggled. She did that a lot more lately, and he wondered if she'd yet caught on. Knowing Jane, she had not.

She broke away then, grabbed the gift off his bed, and thrust it at him. "Your present. Open it."

Loki smiled and took the gift from her. "It's heavy!"

She nodded. "It is. Open it. Hurry."

"Why hurry?"

"Because I'm so proud of myself for finding it!"

Loki tore into the colorful paper and laughed with joy when he saw what it was: The Complete Works of Lord Byron. A beautifully bound hardcover edition with gold trimmed pages.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"I love it," he said and pulled her to him with one arm and kissed her._ I love you, _he thought. "You _do_ listen when I talk."

She laughed. "Sometimes." She sat down on the bed then. "Will you read me a poem? Not something all mushy, but something dark or sad?"

"Why dark or sad?"

She shrugged. "I'm not really the mushy type, right?"

He wanted to point out to her that she could be. Getting him a gift like this, a collection of his favorite poet's works was in fact a mushy thing to do. But he didn't point it out to her, even as he wondered if he should.

"First," he said, "I have a few gifts for you."

Her smile fell. "A few?"

He hesitated at the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"I just got you that. I didn't get you a 'few'."

"Jane, I don't need a few. This is more than enough. I'm sure it'll be the best gift I get this holiday."

"I heard you talking about Byron with Peggy and I saw how animated you got talking about him and I saw it at The Coop and had to get it for you—"

Loki placed the book down on his nightstand and then sat down across from her and pulled her to him. She got the hint and allowed him to pull her onto his lap. He kissed her again and again until she relaxed in his arms. He pushed his forehead into hers and she put her hands on his shoulders. "I love my gift," he said hoarsely. "I love that you listened to what I said and got excited about and got me a book of his completed works. I don't need more, Jane." _All I want is you and you've given me that…sort of,_ he thought.

She smiled, looking somewhat assuaged. "Okay."

"Now get up so I can get your gifts."

She smiled and slid off his lap to the bed. Loki got up and went across his bedroom to a wooden chair that held her gifts and he picked up three in varying sizes.

He handed her a rectangular one first in green paper. "This one first."

Jane tore into it with the exuberance of a child on Christmas morning and Loki beamed at her. She gasped and read the cover of the book she'd just opened: "Black Holes and Time Warps!" she exclaimed. "I've heard of this book!"

"I'm sure you have."

She immediately opened it to the Table of Contents.

"Jane, darling, there's more."

She blushed and shut the book. "Sorry."

He handed her a thinner item in red paper and she again tore into it with glee. "A galaxy 1998 calender!" She placed it down on the bed and began flipping through it, oohing and ahhing over the pictures. "I could get these framed after!"

Loki grinned. "You have one more, sweet."

She bit her lip and held out her hand. This one was smaller, wrapped in white. She looked at it, puzzled, and tore into it a bit more carefully than the others. It was a jewelry box, and inside was a necklace with a picture of the Nebula in a silver pendant.

"Oh my God," she breathed. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Loki…"

"Do you like it?" he asked and sat down beside her on the bed.

"I love it. I… oh God." She put it in his hand, turned away from him, and held up her hair. "Put it on me?"

With shaking hands, Loki obliged. With her hair still up, he pressed a soft kiss to the back of her neck. The words were there, right there on the tip of his tongue. _I love you, Jane. I __love__ you._

His heart was full, near bursting, and he felt as though he wanted to shout it to the heavens or at least to the houseful of people downstairs: he was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Jane Foster!

She methodically moved her other two gifts and the jewelry box off the bed and onto his bureau near the door. Then she climbed back onto the bed, climbed over him, and tackled him back onto the bed. She kissed him fervently. "I want you," she whispered.

"I always want you," he said and wondered if that was too far and too much.

Jane didn't seem to mind though. She was practically tearing at his clothes to get them off. Loki grabbed her wrists to stop her. "Slow, Jane."

"Why?"

"I want to savor it," he said simply.

A troubled expression passed over her face and Loki knew he had to act now before she put too much thought into that. He kissed her passionately and brought her closer to him, grabbing at her ass and moving her so that she straddled him. He thrust up against her, letting her feel how hard he was already.

They didn't go slow, but they didn't go fast. They went moderate. It didn't take long for them both to be naked and for Loki to be inside her – with her on top. She braced herself with her hands on his chest and bit her lip as she moved over him.

"Okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "You feel big this way."

"You said that when we went doggy too. Have you considered the fact that I'm just big?"

She laughed softly and he feigned hurt. She leaned down and kissed him. "You are, Loki. You are."

He grinned against her mouth and lifted his hips to meet her thrusts. She gasped, held herself poised above him and Loki furiously thrust into her until she was screaming. Loki was right behind her.

She fell against him and he curled his arms around her, holding her close, still inside her. They lay there like that for a long time until Jane stirred.

"Don't go," he begged. "Not yet."

"Read me a poem," she said softly and moved off him carefully. She lay beside him on the bed and pulled up his comforter over her. "Please?"

Loki sat up and grabbed the tome off his nightstand. He went to the contents, found the poem he wanted to read and turned to that page. He cleared his throat and then looked down at her. "Ready?"

She nodded eagerly. And so Loki began:

"When we two parted  
>In silence and tears,<br>Half broken-hearted  
>To sever for years,<br>Pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
>Colder thy kiss;<br>Truly that hour foretold  
>Sorrow to this.<p>

The dew of the morning  
>Sunk chill on my brow —<br>It felt like the warning  
>Of what I feel now.<br>Thy vows are all broken,  
>And light is thy fame:<br>I hear thy name spoken,  
>And share in its shame.<p>

They name thee before me,  
>A knell to mine ear;<br>A shudder comes o'er me —  
>Why wert thou so dear?<br>They know not I knew thee,  
>Who knew thee too well: —<br>Long, long shall I rue thee,  
>Too deeply to tell.<p>

In secret we met —  
>In silence I grieve,<br>That thy heart could forget,  
>Thy spirit deceive.<br>If I should meet thee  
>After long years,<br>How should I greet thee? —  
>With silence and tears."<p>

Loki closed the tome and looked down at Jane, who was staring off with a sad look on her face. He glided his hand down the side of her face, bringing her attention back to him. "Jane? All right?"

She nodded and smiled thinly. "Just a sad poem."

It was. And sadly, it fit them and their history. "It is," he said softly.

She got up on her knees and kissed him. "We better get back to the party before a search party is sent," she said and climbed off the bed.

Loki sighed and reluctantly got up to dress as well. When they were done and ready to return, Jane loped her arms around him and just hugged him. "Thank you," she whispered. "I love my gifts."

"And I love mine," he murmured.

She pulled back, smiled, grabbed her gifts, and left.

She was always leaving. Loki didn't like it.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-five**

Jane tromped into the house and nearly slammed the door behind her before making her way down the hall and into the kitchen to take off her coat, hat, scarf, and fingerless gloves. Work had been crazy and Jane decided she hated people. With a passion.

She found Loki sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He looked up and smiled faintly at her when she entered.

She tugged off her hat and frowned at him. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "My mother just called."

"And?"

"And apparently she begged Odin to _allow_ me to come for Christmas dinner. He agreed."

Jane tugged off her gloves next and tossed them on the table. "Hold the phone. He's _allowing_ you to join your _family_ on Christmas?"

Loki nodded. "Yes."

"What kind of bullshit is that?"

"Exactly."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I told her I had to think about it."

Jane frowned. "Something tells me he won't take kindly to that if she tells him that."

"Exactly."

"Ah. So you did it to piss him off."

"Pissing him off is the only thing I have considering he's kicked me out of the house and the family apparently."

"He can't kick you out of the family, Loki," Jane said gently and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Your father is just a fucking asshole and a control freak."

Loki slid his arm around her waist and drew her closer. He then reached up and pulled the zipper down on her coat. "Will you come with me if I decide to go?"

"Yes, but we'll have to fit it in either before or after I visit my uncle. Lynn is going away with her family on some dumb ski trip so he's free all day."

Loki smiled and stood, pushing her coat from her shoulders. "That must make you happy."

"Yes and no, strangely," she muttered and helped him discard her coat.

"Why no?" he asked and slung her coat on the back of a chair.

"Because why didn't she invite him to go away with her family? They're living together and everything…"

"So, you think that she is getting ready to break up with him?"

Jane shrugged. "I don't know. She seems to like having control over him so I'm not sure she's willing to give that up, but I don't like the idea of her leaving him alone on a big holiday if she supposedly loves him."

"But it means you get him all to yourself."

She nodded slowly. "Yes…even though I don't even know what to say to him anymore. But you, let's talk about you. What do you want to do?"

"I want to see my mother, but I do not want to go to dinner because Odin decreed me able to attend. It feels too much like I would be going with my tail between my legs."

"I understand that. Maybe you could arrange to see your Mom before Christmas? Or after?"

"If he'd allow that," Loki muttered.

"Fuck him."

Loki smiled and bent down to kiss her. "I so love it when you defend me," he murmured.

Jane smiled and they kissed languidly as though they had all the time in the world. "I have been thinking," Loki began when they parted.

"About?" Jane murmured, feeling a bit dazed after kissing Loki.

"Gamora and Peggy have been discussing having a New Year's Eve party."

Jane wrinkled her nose and Loki grinned. "Precisely. So, I was thinking we should go away."

Jane's brow furrowed. "Go away?"

He nodded. "We could go into the city and get a hotel room. My treat."

"Your mom send you more money?"

He frowned. "Yes. Hey, I am looking for a job."

"I didn't mean anything by it, Loki. Relax. My uncle pays my rent, remember?"

"Yes, but you have been working a lot the past few weeks."

She shrugged. "The holidays."

"So? What do you think? Escape the party and go into the city for the night?"

Part of Jane wanted to say yes, the other part was afraid to.

"You're thinking something," Loki said. "What are you thinking?"

How to put it delicately…although she wasn't very delicate was she? "I just…that's kind of a couple thing to do don't you think?"

"We're friends too, Jane. Friends that do stuff like hang out together."

"Friends don't really go away for a night and fuck each other's brains out, do they? That's usually what people do when they're dating."

"So we're a bit unorthodox. Who cares?"

Jane wanted to say yes so badly. And when Loki leaned in and began nibbling on her neck, she felt herself soften even more. They were friends, and they did do a lot of things together outside of sex. So what if they added spending the night in the city together as one of them? They were making their own rules, weren't they? When he reached her earlobe and bit down on it softly, Jane moaned and whispered. "Yes, okay, let's do it."

"Excellent," Loki murmured and trailed kisses along her jaw to her mouth.

"Will we be able to get a room on such short notice?"

"I'm an Odinson. It won't be a problem. Now kiss me."

Jane happily obliged. The work day, the stress of the holiday season, their family struggles, it all melted away in the face of how Loki awakened her very being with his touch and kisses.

It was beginning to scare her.

xxxxxx

In the end, Loki decided not to attend Christmas dinner with his family. He opted instead to go with Jane to her uncle's. Frigga responded by making a special trip out to see him the day before Christmas Eve with a bag of gifts for him.

Jane was surprised when she answered the door and found Frigga standing on her doorstep. She hugged the woman happily and called out for Loki. Loki looked as surprised as Jane had been, but Jane could tell he was incredibly touched that his mother had come despite what Odin might say or do.

Jane got them both something to drink and left them alone in the living room to talk and exchange gifts. When Frigga left, Loki went in search of Jane and curled up on her bed beside her while she sat up against her pillows with her laptop on her lap. Loki told her with his throat clogged with emotion how the visit went. It had gone well, but Loki had realized then how much he'd missed his mother and just how angry he was at his father.

Jane put the laptop on her desk and curled up beside him, and when Loki was done talking, he had Jane naked and under him in no time flat. There was a desperation to him that hadn't been there before. It was as if he was afraid she would disappear. He kissed her longer, held her tighter, and touched every single part of her. He was everywhere at once, filling her senses with nothing but him. When she finally came, she was almost moved to tears. Had Gamora and Peggy not come home then from a marathon Christmas shopping excursion, Jane was sure she would have been okay with Loki just holding her in bed as he seemed to want to.

She wondered if she might have to start considering stopping this soon. Maybe after New Year's she'd think about it. Maybe.

xxxxxxxx

Christmas went by uneventfully. Without Lynn's influence, Erik was fun and easy to talk to again. Much like Loki hadn't realized how much he'd missed Frigga until she'd visited; Jane hadn't realized how much she'd missed her old uncle Erik until he came back. New uncle Erick had taken flight with Lynn.

"Do you think you'll ever make amends with your father?" Jane asked Loki later that night as they drove home.

"I'm sure eventually," Loki said.

"Do you wish you'd gone to dinner?"

"A little bit, but only because of my mother. I just wish…"

Jane glanced at him. "Wish what?"

"That she would fight for me."

Jane nodded, her expression sad. "I understand completely."

"We have each other's backs though, don't we?" he asked after a moment of silence_._

She smiled and glanced at him again. "We sure do."

xxxxxxxxx

New Year's Eve came and Jane found herself in the position of defending her and Loki for bailing on the party Gamora and Peggy were throwing.

Peggy was put out that they wouldn't all be ringing in the New Year together which Jane just thought was sentimental bullshit.

"It is not," Peggy said indignantly. "We're our own family under this roof. This is our first New Year's here and I thought it would be nice for us to be together."

"Eh, let them go," Gamora said with a roll of her eyes. "They obviously have better things to do." She eyed Loki knowingly and he ignored her.

"Well thank you for your permission," Loki muttered. "Tonight when the clock strikes twelve, Jane and I will take a moment to remember how kind our friends are for giving us their blessing to leave."

"Sarcasm does not become you, Loki," Peggy said.

"I think it does," Jane chirped.

"You would," Peggy said with a glare.

"Pegs, you're going to no doubt be drunk and kissing some idiot at midnight so it's not like you'll even be aware that Loki and I are missing," Jane said. She picked up her duffel bag and looked at Loki. "Ready?"

He grinned. "Yes."

"Hold on, I just want a minute with Loki," Gamora said.

Jane shrugged and headed out to the car and Peggy followed her.

"Yes?" Loki asked with an arched brow.

"I'm not stupid. I know what's going on," Gamora said.

"And what is going on?"

"You and Jane. You're fooling around. I've seen her leaving your bedroom late at night, and I've heard you leaving hers. Then there's the googly eyes you two make at each other."

This caught Loki's attention. "Jane is making googly eyes at me?"

Gamora barked out a laugh. "Yes. Man, how can you miss that?"

"Because as well versed as I am with all things Jane, there are some things that still elude me. Like her feelings for me."

"Well, you must be amazing in the sack because she has been in a great mood the past month. Just a word of warning?"

"Could I stop you?"

"Of course not."

Loki sighed. "All right, let's have it."

"Be prepared for when Jane is aware of your feelings, and hers. She'll run."

"I'll catch her."

"Will she let you?"

"I won't give up on Jane until she's mine."

Gamora sighed and looked worried. She also looked like she wanted to say more, but didn't. "Okay. Have fun. Happy New Year."

Loki grinned and left to begin the festivities with his girl.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-six**

After checking into their hotel, Jane and Loki changed for a night on the town. Loki took her to dinner and Jane paid (she insisted). Then, Loki sprung two tickets to see one of Jane's favorite comedians at The Wilbur Theater.

Jane had gone to use the restroom before the show started and when she returned, she found Loki chatting up the woman beside him. She was pretty, looked to be about their age with short dark hair and streaks of purple in it. She was like a little pixie in her shimmery silver dress and Jane felt inadequate in a pair of black pants, a red crushed velvet top, and her favorite chunky black shoes. She had been going for comfort as well as style. If she and Loki were going to be going around Boston, she wanted to be practical about it. There was nothing practical about a dress like that girl was wearing which probably didn't keep her warm.

Jane paused at the end of the row and just watched Loki and the girl chat. He was smiling; she was smiling. They both leaned in a little towards one another. Jane felt a flood of irrational anger fill her. Her body was tense. She was…jealous. Were they discovering they had a lot in common? Did he want to fuck her? Did he find her prettier? She reminded Jane a bit of Sigyn.

Sigyn. Jesus.

Maybe Loki did have more a type than he thought. Maybe Sigyn had meant more than he'd let on.

Maybe Jane just needed to remember that he could date whom he wanted because they weren't together.

She moved closer to the row and everyone stood up to let her through. She sat down without a word and Loki ended his conversation with the girla nd leaned in closer to Jane.

"Hello, gorgeous," he murmured.

"Hey," she said, and opened her program.

"I was just talking to the woman beside me and she said that Depeche Mode is going to be playing here next month."

"Great."

"We should get tickets."

She nodded, pretending to pore over an article in the program.

"Jane? Is something wrong?"

"Nope."

"Jane—"

The lights went down; signaling the start of the show and Jane folded her hands in front of her and felt the inexplicable urge to cry. What was _wrong_ with her? Loki could talk to anyone he wanted to. They weren't even fucking _dating._ They were fuck buddies, that was it.

And yet he'd gotten them a hotel room, they'd gone out to dinner, he'd gotten tickets to a show, and here she was stewing over him talking to some other girl. This was a date. This was a fucking date. Fuck, no, this was a _relationship_, and she was acting like some jealous, possessive girlfriend.

This was not what she wanted. This was not a feeling she wanted to have.

She jumped when Loki took one of her hands that were clenched tight in her lap and brought it to his mouth to kiss the back of. She looked at him and felt as though her world was crashing down around her.

She wanted to pull him closer and shove him away at the same time. She felt the urge to flee, to protect herself. So many emotions were crashing in around her and she felt as though she was drowning.

The show went by in a blink and Jane didn't think she heard one joke. When the lights went up, she stood and gathered her coat with shaking hands.

"Jane, what's going on? You don't look right," Loki said, watching her with brows knit together worriedly.

She forced a smile. "I'm fine."

He didn't look convinced.

"So, what's next?" she asked, making sure to keep her voice light and cheerful.

"I thought we could go back to the hotel room. We have an hour before the ball drops."

"Okay!"

He looked at her as if she'd just told him her favorite band was The Spice Girls. Their walk back to the hotel was quiet, but once they were inside, Loki demanded to know what was wrong with her. How could Jane explain something that she didn't understand herself?

"I'm fine, Loki, really," she told him and went to the fridge to extract the bottle of champagne they'd taken with them from home. "We've got fifteen minutes until the ball drops. Let's change, put on some Dick Clark and get this New Year going."

Loki just looked at her and then nodded slowly. "All right."

When the ball dropped, Loki pulled Jane into a passionate kiss and then they poured their champagne into the complimentary glasses the hotel provided. Jane sat against the pillows on the bed, her legs pulled up in front of her. Loki was sprawled out on his side in front of her.

They talked about what was probably going on at the house, New Years Resolutions and if they had any (they didn't), and then Loki got up and put his glass down on the nightstand. He attempted to take hers, but Jane shook her head. "I'm not done."

He looked at her oddly and sat down in front of her. "Jane, don't tell me nothing is wrong. Something is. Just tell me already."

Jane imagined herself telling him how she'd been jealous when she'd seen him talking to that girl. How she was having these feelings for him that she had wanted to avoid and had thought she could avoid. That would give him power over her, knowing that she had been jealous.

She imagined telling him how she felt as though they were heading into dicey territory and the line between fuck buddies and serious relationship was getting blurred. She imagined him telling her they should try dating and fear gripped her. What would she lose if she dated Loki? Control; she'd lose control. It was already starting to slip. She was already giving it up to him.

"I'm just PMSing," she said. "Mood swings…" She chugged the rest of her champagne and practically slammed it down on the nightstand with exaggerated cheer. She grinned at him. "So I'm also extra horny. Let's fuck"

He winced and Jane pretended not to see it. Instead, she lunged at him and kissed him voraciously, while tugging at his pajamas. "Slow," he murmured.

"No," she whispered.

Any attempt Loki made to take things slow, Jane put a stop to. He had no choice but to keep up with her pace. He gasped her name when she took him swiftly in her mouth, bobbing her head up and down fast. "Jane, slow, before I – oh fuck. Jane!"

She eased off him before he came and smirked as she mounted him. Placing her hands on his shoulders to pin him to the bed, she rode him hard and fast to a screaming orgasm. When they were done, she rolled off him and went to the bathroom to shower.

She pretended that it was just the spray pouring down her face in the shower and not tears.

For his part, Loki knew that something was wrong. That something between them had shifted in the course of the night, and he wracked his brain going over everything they'd said to each other. Had he said something insulting? Had he hurt her feelings without realizing it? They had been having so much fun…

When she emerged from the shower with a smile on her face, Loki knew it was false, but he felt he couldn't call her out on it. If she refused to tell him what was wrong he couldn't keep badgering her about it.

Was he losing her? Had he ever even really had her?

She crawled into bed, yawning, and Loki climbed in beside her. He wanted to hold her, but he didn't think she'd welcome it. Walls had been put up and he didn't know why or how, but they were there and he was afraid to even attempt to scale them. If he did, she could push him out completely.

So, Loki used the bathroom, crawled into bed beside her and only fell asleep long after she had.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-seven**

**1998**

"Jane, look at me," Loki growled as she moved over him. She was doing this a lot since New Years. When they made love she always wanted to be on top or on their sides with her back to him. And she wouldn't look at him. It drove Loki to distraction. The connection they'd had felt frayed, nearly severed, and he didn't know how to get it back.

At the moment she had her hands on his biceps, pinning him to the bed and it didn't take long for him to figure out why she did that. She didn't want him to hold her. He usually obliged her, but not this time. He sat up and rolled them over, catching her unawares. He pinned her to the bed with his body and kissed her hard. Another thing she had started to deny him: kisses.

"Loki," she said breathlessly and moved her head away.

"Look. At. Me," he growled again and used his hands to frame her face, keeping her in place. It was when they made love and she looked at him that he saw her feelings – her _true _feelings – displayed there in her eyes, in the myriad of expressions that passed over her face. It was there he saw the affection she held for him but would not say aloud. It was there that Loki convinced himself that Jane loved him as much as he loved her, and that she was his, only his.

She held his gave for all of a second and then she shut her eyes and put her hands on her breasts. He couldn't look away as she pinched and plucked and rubbed at her breasts and nipples. She did it on purpose. She used the power she had over him in bed to distract him from what he wanted.

He wanted her, all of her. What he got was a Jane he could touch and fuck – her words – but not _access _to her. It perhaps sounded odd – he could be in bed with her in the most intimate way a man and a woman could be, but what he wanted was the Jane he could kiss and love and touch without so many fucking walls in his way.

They hadn't been fuck buddies before. They had been more. But now – _now_ they were fuck buddies and he hated it.

He kissed her again and again. He kissed her until she responded with passion and fire and_ feeling. _He tried to be satisfied when he felt it, but then it was gone and he wanted it back.

He pressed his forehead to hers as he pounded hard inside her, wanting her to feel every part of him, wanting her to scream for him. "Jane," he murmured and he heard the desperation that he felt in his voice. "Jane, please…"

She kissed him then and he suspected it was to shut him up. Her breasts against his chest, her arms around him, she kissed him with the feeling he craved and then broke the kiss when she came. She didn't scream, not the way he wanted, but she cried out softly and her back arched.

Loki came shortly thereafter, and when his crisis came he crashed his lips to hers and kissed her with everything in him. She clutched at his shoulders and whimpered.

He broke the kiss, but didn't move. Jane pushed at him gently. "Loki, let me up."

"Not yet," he said.

"Loki, come on."

"I said not yet," he snapped.

She froze and looked at him. He hardly ever snapped at her like that, and never in bed. He couldn't help it. He didn't know what to do in the face of feeling as though he was losing her. So he held onto her tighter and longer, demanded more of her than she was willing to give.

Her eyes narrowed and he knew he was in for it. "Shouldn't be you be in a better mood consider you just got laid?" she snapped back.

"I'd be in an even better mood once you told me what the hell has crawled up your ass and died since New Years."

Her gaze flickered away and Loki knew sh eknew what he was talking about. "Nothing has crawled up my ass—"

"Bullshit, Jane. The walls are back. Higher and thicker than ever before. Why?"

She pushed at him again. "Get off me, Loki."

"No, I'm not moving until you talk to me."

"What the fuck!" she exclaimed in frustration and pushed at him. He locked his arms on either side ofher, refusing to budge. He hadn't even pulled out of her yet.

"You've been different ever since that night and I want to know why!" he demanded, his voice rising in aggravation. "Tell me why!"

"Nothing is diff—"

"Bullshit!" He leaned down close to her, gliding the tip of his nose against her cheek. "Talk to me, sweets," he murmured gently. "Please, talk to me."

To his great surprise, she started to cry. Horrified that he'd brought her to tears, Loki kissed her tears away while murmuring, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"Don't," she said sternly. "Don't apologize to me!"

"Why? I made you cry, I—"

"No, you didn't," she whispered. "_Please_ get off me."

He did, albeit reluctantly. He was afraid she'd bolt the minute he moved off her, but she didn't. Instead she rolled onto her side and buried her face in his pillow. She cried softly into it and Loki eased himself up against her back and wrapped his arms around her. "Jane, please…talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't," she said.

"Why not?"

"Because I…I can't give you power over me."

That he had not been expecting. He was stunned. He lay there, blinking, trying to make sense of this. "What?"

"When you tell someone how you feel you give them power over you."

Loki's brows knit together. "But you tell me how you feel all the time. About your uncle, Lynn—"

She shook her head, effectively halting him. What in the – oh. He got it now. Telling him how she felt about her uncle and his girlfriend, that was one thing, but telling him how she felt about _him_ was another matter entirely. His heart began to thud hard in his chest. "Jane…"

"You were talking to some girl at the show," she said into the pillow, her words slightly muffled. She held her body completely rigid.

Some girl at the -_ oh_. The girl at the comedy show. The girl he'd completely forgotten about because she had just been some girl at a show he'd had a quick conversation with. He didn't even remember what she looked like.

His mind went back over the details – it was three long weeks ago now. But now he remembered that things had shifted after that. "Were you jealous?" he blurted out.

He didn't think it was possible for her to be any more rigid, but she managed it. And then she tried to get away and Loki just held on tighter. "Jane, you were _jealous_." Euphoria, that's what he heard in his voice now. It was what he felt. Jane had been _jealous. _

"Let me go, Loki, or so help me—"

"Stop, kitten."

"Kitten?!"

He laughed softly. "My kitten with claws. My wild thing…my wild Jane…"

"Loki—"

"I'm glad," he whispered.

"What?"

"You were jealous and I'm glad."

She said nothing. Didn't move. He wasn't even sure she was still breathing.

"That means you're mine, Jane. You belong to me and I want you to belong to me."

She still said nothing; stil did not move.

"Do you have feelings for me, Jane?" he asked softly, and nuzzled into the crook of her neck.

Silence.

"Tell me, please…" he begged.

"Yes," she whispered.

"I'm glad," he whispered. His heart fell near to bursting. He wanted more from her though; he needed it.

"I'm not," she retorted.

"Why? You think I will hold it over you? Make you suffer for it?"

"When people know how you feel they have power over you. They have the upper hand and can use it to hurt you."

"Jane…no. It's not supposed to be about having the upper hand. Would it help if I told you that I love you?"

She sucked in a shaky breath. "When?"

He didn't want to lie to her, but he also knew that if he told her he'd never stopped loving her, she would be pissed. She'd feel betrayed. And he couldn't risk that.

"It happened over time," he said vaguely.

"When we started having sex?"

"Yes."

She sighed again. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know. But we're on the same page. Isn't that a good thing?"

She started to cry again. "I don't know. I'm scared. I don't like this feeling."

_Join the club_, he thought. "Jane, I'm here. I'm right here with you. You're not alone in this. We'll work it out together, all right?"

She didn't respond.

"Was it after you saw me talking to that girl that you realized you had feelings for me?" he asked. He wanted to know everything, every little thing about how she felt about him. He wanted to hold it close and cherish every bit.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Is that why you threw up those walls again?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me? What did you think I would do? Make fun of you? Hire a sky writer and let all of Boston know?"

"Well, when you put it that way, you make it sound silly."

"Jane, I know all about having unrequited feelings for someone, especially when that someone is you. I wouldn't have made fun of you for it. I wouldn't have made you feel wrong."

She was shivering now and Loki wasn't sure if it was a combination of exposing her feelings or the chill in the air. He figured both and pulled the covers over them. He refused to let her go though.

"So now what?" she asked softly.

"Now we decide what we want to do about these feelings. What do _you_ want to do?"

"I don't know."

"Will you turn around and look me, love?"

After a moment's deliberation she turned in his arms, curling herself up beside him. Loki put his finger under her chin and lifted it, making her look at him. She was indeed scared and distraught by this development. She loved him. For the past three weeks Jane had been wrestling with being in love with him and he'd missed it. How hurt had she been in life to be so afraid to love?

He couldn't make her suffer. "I love you and I want to be with you," he told her. "I want to hold your hand in public. Maybe kiss you now and then. I want to tell people you're my girlfriend. I want to spend time with you doing all the things we do now. The only difference is that we won't have to hide what's going on between us from everyone else. Does that sound like something you might want to do?"

"I'm still scared."

"I know."

"Aren't you scared?"

"I'm more terrified of losing you. I did once before and it ripped my heart out."

"You know I'm not good with feelings," she said. "I hate having them."

He smiled. "I know. But we can do this together, Jane. You're not alone."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Okay….?"

She nodded and finally, _finally_, looked at him. "We'll try this dating thing."

"Just like that?" he asked with a grin.

"Well, you make it sound so easy….and you make me feel so silly for being afraid."

"What is it that you are so afraid of, my love?"

"Being hurt. Hurting you again."

"Then don't hurt me. The only thing that could hurt me is if you deny what's between us. If you give up before we can even begin. It's all I wanted before and it's what I want now, Jane. A chance. Let me show you how good it can be."

The sad mask she wore fell away slowly and in its place was a soft sweet smile. "Okay."

_Finally. _

"What do you want to do first as an official couple then?" he asked, feeling as though he was soaring high above the clouds. Jane was his. _His_.

Her stomach grumbled and she made a face. "Eat?"

Loki laughed and then kissed her. "Let's eat then."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-eight**

Jane and Loki curled up together on the couch while Gamora and Peggy were out and dug into the leftover Chinese food in the fridge. Jane popped in _Reality Bites_ – her favorite movie. Loki though, he couldn't take his eyes off Jane. After a while she caught on and looked at him. "What?" she asked, putting her fork in the empty Chinese food carton she'd been eating out of.

"Sorry, I'm just…happy."

She arched a brow. "So you're staring at me?"

He nodded and caressed the side of her face. "You're the reason I'm happy."

"Oh my God, you're such a sap," she said with a groan. There was a hint of a smile on her face though.

"Can you let me have this? After everything we've been through, we're finally here together."

Her expression softened and she cocked her head to the side. Reaching out she patted the side of his face. There was a glint of humor in her eyes. "You're still a sap."

"That's it," Loki said and grabbed the carton off her lap and put it on the coffee table. He then yanked Jane to him and kissed her. He lay back on the couch and pulled her over him.

"Can you promise me something?" she asked, folding her arms on his chest and peering down at him.

"Anything," he said and ran a hand through her hair.

"Promise me we won't be one of those annoying couples who have to do everything together and dress alike or coo at each other."

"We'll do the same amount of things we did as friends – and we are still friends, Jane. Best friends."

"If you consider me your best friend you're really fucked."

"Why do you say that?" he asked as she moved her arms down and rested her head on his chest. Loki continued to run his hand through her hair again and again.

"I'm aware of my limitations, Loki. I never know the right thing to say or do…I'm perpetually awkward."

"Not true. You were perfect when my father kicked me out of the house."

She shook her head. "No. Gamora and Peggy were perfect. They sat you down and made you tea and got all deep and psychological and shit about it. I just, like, patted you on the back."

He laughed softly. "You hugged me. You helped me move out. You said Odin was an ass. You invited me to Thanksgiving with you and your uncle."

"And I got into a fight with my uncle and pissed off Lynn."

"You had sex with me that night, Jane. That trumps everything."

She giggled. "Perhaps that can be my go-to for everything. I have sex with you therefore I'm excused from when I just stand there like an idiot."

"Stop selling yourself short," he murmured. "What else was on that list? Oh yes. I can guarantee we will never dress alike. And, coo at each other?"

"Yeah, like that episode of _Seinfeld_ when Jerry and his girlfriend were calling each other schmoopy and it nauseated everyone, especially George."

"I'll stick to my current list of endearments."

She lifted her head and looked at him. "Not a lot of PDA either."

Loki arched a brow at her. "Anything else?"

She squinted and looked up thoughtfully, then looked back at him. "I can't think of anything else at the moment…is there anything you'd like to add?"

"Just one thing."

"Yes?"

"I certainly don't expect that we'll sleep in the same bed every night, but I'd like to occasionally fall asleep with you in my arms," he said solemnly.

"That's it?"

He nodded.

She shook her head and rested her head back on his chest. "We're doomed."

Loki tensed. "Why do you say that?"

"Because you're too perfect and too sweet and romantic. You're too good for me."

"Don't say that," he said. "Jane, look at me."

She popped her head back up again and arched a brow.

"Don't say that," he said firmly. "I am not too good for you. We are imperfect people that fit together perfectly. I love you." _I always have,_ he thought, _and I think I always will. _

She didn't respond, but laid her head back on his chest and let him wrap his arms around her. They would work. They had to.

xxxxxxxxx

Despite the fact that Jane had dated Donald, that relationship didn't really count in her eyes. They had barely seen each other and Donald hadn't exactly been attentive and affectionate. As a result, Jane still did what she wanted. She felt obligated to tell Donald incase he wanted to join her in whatever her plans were, but he rarely did. Jane hadn't missed having to run her plans by someone. And when she did, she wasn't used to the other person having very many thoughts on it. Loki did though. He wanted to know what she was doing at all times.

The shift in their relationship hadn't been as subtle as he'd painted it. He was always there. It wasn't just that she lived with him either. He was there when a class got out instead of just waiting for her in the commuter café. He was there when she got home from work; he wanted her to be there when _he_ got out of _his_ job (at Urban Outfitters). He was even there when she wanted to go out with the girls for a movie. Peggy said he was already like one of the girls which Jane thought would have made him go spend some time with Tony, but no. He just laughed and joined them anyway.

And then there was the wanting to sleep in her bed all the time, or wanting her to sleep in his. He'd said that it wouldn't happen all the time, but he seemed determined that it would. So, had he just been giving her lip service?

In short, Jane felt suffocated.

One afternoon when Jane left campus early to head into the city for an interview at Starbucks, Loki blew up her phone with text messages and calls asking her where she was. When Jane got out of the interview and saw all the messages, she was tempted to heave it in the Charles River.

Granted, maybe she should have given him a heads up but she was just so desperate to get away from him constantly being up her ass that she felt like she had to go covert op to do it. How sad was that?

Typically, Jane avoided confrontation, but standing there with a billion texts from Loki, Jane was beyond pissed. This was not what she wanted. It was what she had feared, however.

She called him. He had barely gotten out a hello when she laid into him. "What the fuck, Loki? You blow up my goddamn phone for hours? Jesus Christ. You knew I had an interview this afternoon, you knew where I was going to be, and yet you blew up my phone like some possessive fucking boyfriend demanding to know where I was. What the hell?!"

Silence followed and then Jane felt terrible for having yelled at him like that and she started to tear up.

"I was worried when you didn't come out of your classroom," he said evenly. "I didn't know if you got sick and had to go home. I was concerned. It's what boyfriends do."

"I skipped class. I was a bad student today. I skipped to head into the city because I wanted to get away for a while."

"Get away from me you mean?"

Now she felt even worse. Because yes. Yes she had wanted to get away from him. She could have called or texted him and told me that she wasn't going to class so he didn't have to meet her outside the classroom like he had taken to doing. No, she wanted to rebel against feeling as though a leash had been put on her.

And so, she told him all that. He wanted honesty, fine then. She was going to give him honesty.

"I make you feel like a dog, Jane?" he asked, a chill in his voice that gave her pause.

"You're suffocating me. You're up my ass all the time, Loki. I can't stand it."

"I see."

Now she felt even worse. Now she felt like she'd _kicked_ a puppy. "I'll be home soon," she said softly. "We can talk then if you want."

"Please."

And then he hung up.

Jane didn't want to go home.

xxxxxxxx

"So…how'd that go, Lok?" Peggy asked after Loki had hung up with Jane. He just sat there, his head ducked and hands in his hair.

He moved his hands out of his hair and looked at her and Gamora who were sitting together on the sofa. "Not well. She just told me she feels suffocated."

The two women exchanged glances, which just pissed Loki off. "What?" he demanded. "I saw the looks you just exchanged. What is it?"

"Loki, you've…well, I'm not sure how to put this delicately," Peggy said slowly.

"You've been acting like a fucking psycho," Gamora said bluntly.

Peggy nodded adamantly. "That wasn't really delicate, but it got the job done."

"I have?" Loki asked, but even as he said it, he knew he hadn't been himself since he and Jane got together. He groaned and ducked his head again. "Forget it. I know I haven't been acting right. I haven't even been feeling right."

"Why?" Gamora asked.

He sighed. "I haven't been able to relax."

"Because…?" Peggy prompted.

"Because all I've wanted was to be with Jane. Now that I am all I can think about is what if I lose her? So I'm trying to do everything I can to not lose her and in the process I'm pushing her away. Goddammit!" He got up and started to pace.

"Loki, calm down," Peggy said. "Jane's on her way home?"

He nodded.

"Dude, you got the girl. Relax!" Gamora said.

"I want to _keep_ the girl, Gamora," Loki snapped.

"Then calm the fuck down. Jane needs her space. You give her some space and you'll be fine."

Loki didn't say that was easier said than done. He thought being with Jane would be a breeze. Instead, he'd changed into this maniac seemingly overnight. It was like he just couldn't accept the fact that she was with him, that she had chosen to be with him. So then he felt he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. His past with Jane dictated that it would.

There was also the fact that she had yet to say she loved him. He said it all the time; she said nothing. She might kiss him or smile at him when he said it, but she hadn't said she loved him too. He wondered if she did. So, he did all that he could to be what she wanted and needed, wanting to make her love him and not even realizing that in the process he'd been suffocating her. Maybe he just wasn't enough.

Or maybe he was just psychotic like Gamora said.

"She loves you, Loki," Peggy said calmly.

"Does she?" he asked, stopping to look at his friend. "Because she hasn't said it."

"She hasn't?" Peggy asked, her brow furrowing.

"No. You see my distress now?"

"Yeah, because Jane is typically so very expressive when it comes to her feelings. Why, she just emotes all over the goddamn place," Gamora said sarcastically. "Come on, Loki."

"If she feels it, why can't she say it?" Loki asked angrily. "Which just leads me to believe that she doesn't, Gamora!"

"For what it's worth, I think she does," Peggy said softly.

"No offense, Peggy, but I don't care what anyone thinks in regards to how Jane is feeling about me," Loki said. "I want my girlfriend to tell me she loves me and she hasn't." He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "If you'll excuse me. I'm going to go upstairs and wait for her to come home. Just let her know I'm in my bedroom if she wants to see me."

He didn't give them a chance to say anything else, and though he heard Gamora calling after him, he ignored her. He loped up to his bedroom, taking the stairs two at a time and then sat down on the edge of his bed and waited…he was perpetually waiting…for Jane.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-nine**

"Hey," Jane said when she entered Loki's bedroom. He was sitting on his bed, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

He looked up at her. He looked tired. "Hey."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you on the phone." She sat down beside him. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you what my plan was this afternoon, but I just…"

"Needed to get far away from me?"

"Don't, Loki. Just don't."

"Don't what?"

She looked at him in annoyance. "You know what. You're trying to make me feel guilty so I'll just feel like I'm just so terrible to you and let you keep suffocating the shit out of me."

"Let's start there, shall we? How am I suffocating you exactly?"

She held up her hand and started to rattle off how, numbering them one by one by one on her fingers. "One, you want to sleep in my bed or you want me to sleep in yours all the time even after you _promised _that would not be the case. Two, you are there after almost every class and if you're not it's only because you have one still going on. Three, you're there when I get out of work. You don't give me a moment to just relax and be, you're right there demanding attention from me. Then you're demanding I drop whatever I'm doing to spend time with you after you get out of work. Five, I can't even have girls night out with my friends because you want to join us. Six—"

"I got it, Jane," Loki snapped.

"Do you? I don't think you see the problem."

"No, you're right, I don't. I love my girlfriend and I want to spend time with her."

"No, Loki, that's not it. You can love me and want to spend time with me without having to be there in my face all the time. When was the last time you hung out with Tony? We don't have to do _everything_ together, Loki. It just feels…it feels desperate. I can't explain it well."

"Do you love me, Jane?"

Her brow furrowed and she looked at him. "I'm dating you aren't I?"

He shook his head, jaw clenched. "No. That's not the same thing, and you bloody well know it. If you love me, Jane, then I need to fucking _hear_ it. You want to know why I'm acting like a fucking lunatic? Because I don't get anything at all from you! I can feel you pulling away from me—"

"Because I need space and you're not giving it to me," she said through clenched teeth.

"Then give me something! Give me something to make me stop trying so goddamn hard to hold onto you! Tell me how you feel so I—"

"I love you!" she shouted. "Okay? Happy now?"

Loki jumped to his feet and let out a roar of frustration. "No, I'm not fucking happy now because you don't mean it! You said it just to shut me up!"

Jane now had her elbows on her thighs and hunched over, her hands in her hair. "No, I – okay, yes, I did, but I do, Loki." She looked up at him. "I just…I'm not like you, okay? You say it all the time and I just don't feel like you have to say it all the time."

"You haven't said it at all," he croaked.

She sat up straight and looked at him, straight in the eye. "I love you, Loki."

He knelt down before her, looking at her imploringly and took her face in his hands. "Do you mean it, Jane?"

"Loki, yes, I do. I thought you knew."

"I didn't," he murmured and moved closer until they were a hairsbreadth apart. "I need to hear it sometimes. I need to know what you're feeling and thinking."

"That's exhausting."

"Can you try?"

"Can you give me some breathing room?"

He pulled back just a little and looked at her searchingly, his hands dropping from her face. "What do you want me to do? I'll do it."

"I need some space. Sometimes I just want to be alone with myself and not with people. And sometimes I just want to be with my friends and not my boyfriend." She now put her hands on his face. "It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. It just means that I need to have something of my own – as you should too. I don't want us to be co-dependent, Loki. That's not who I am and I know that's not who you are either."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I've just loved you for so long and I acted crazy—"

"That's because you are crazy," she teased. She kissed him softly and Loki moaned pulling her closer to him and devouring her lips.

"I'll give you space," he whispered. "I promise. I'll be better. Just…could you tell me once in a while that you love me?"

"Loki?"

He grinned. "Yes?"

She smiled. "I love you."

They laughed together and then Jane scooted back on his bed and pulled him on top of her.

Make-up sex rocked.

xxxxxxx

Jane had always liked the idea of being so happy in a relationship you floated on a cloud. She'd just never believed it was something that would happen to her. Love and romance was always something that happened to other people. People who deserved it. Jane had never thought she deserved it. Mostly because she just didn't believe in it. Love to her meant pain and heartache, and if you were really unlucky: death.

But after she and Loki had ironed out their issues and he'd unclenched, things had gotten better. _Much_ better. She got better at telling him when she needed space and he got better at backing off. He even started spending more time with Tony and Thor and his other friends.

The sex was better, even if that area had never really been lacking, but there was something hotter about it when you were in a good place in your relationship and no longer thought about strangling your boyfriend during the act.

Loki and Jane were a couple. A happy couple. Who would have thought? When she thought back to their history – hating each other as kids, their brief foray into hooking up and sort of dating (?) in high school, and then not talking for a long time, then friends followed by fuck buddies – well, it was quite a history. And when Loki stopped worrying and holding on too tight, he was much more fun. No one could quite make her laugh like he could.

One afternoon in class instead of thinking about the formula on the board, she was instead thinking of the night before and how Loki had incorporated whipped cream into their bedroom escapades. It had been fun, if not a little sticky afterwards. The things he could do with that tongue of his…

"Jane?"

Jane snapped out of her reverie and looked up at her professor who wore a knowing smile on his face. "Class is over, Miss Foster."

Jane reddened and nodded. "Uh, yeah, I was just letting everyone else go first…"

Dr. Feldman just nodded and chuckled. "Well, while you're waiting for the halls to clear, this gives me the opportunity to go over something with you."

Jane's pulse raced. "Did I do an assignment wrong or something?" She was a straight-A student. Everything else could be going to shit (but it wasn't currently), but her grades were always top notch. She knew when she continued on to Grad School she would have absolutely no trouble getting in wherever she wanted to go.

"No, of course not," Dr. Feldman said. He shuffled through the papers on his desk and pulled one out. He smiled, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides. He sat down in the desk before her and handed the paper to her.

Jane looked down at it. "Study Abroad at Oxford—" She looked up at Dr. Feldman with wide eyes. "Are you serious? This is a thing that's happening?"

He smiled and nodded. "It is. I think it would be an excellent opportunity for you, Jane. Only the best and brightest are eligible to go, and you, Jane Foster are the best and brightest. The only drawback is that you'd have to take a summer class, which would begin in May."

"That's in like, two months."

He nodded. "It is. The deadline for applying to the program is at the end of this week. I realize it's a little late notice, but I didn't get the information until today. It was sitting in my spam folder."

"Oh my God," Jane breathed. "Oxford? Where Stephen Hawking studied? I… oh my God."

"If you want to go we can start the process now. I'll help you prepare everything you need. You would spend the summer there and then you could go ahead and finish out your senior year there."

"I'd be stupid to not take this opportunity—" Except, Loki. She pursed her lips together. Loki. How could she leave Loki? And yet, Oxford. Fucking _Oxford_. Fucking _England_. Loki had just been saying a few nights ago he wanted to visit where he came from and take her with him. When they had the money. When they had the chance to go.

She had the chance to go. And she knew her uncle would be all over this if she told him about it.

"I have a boyfriend," she whispered, more to herself than to Dr. Feldman.

"Surely he would understand what an opportunity this is though, wouldn't he? Jane, this is huge. If I may speak frankly? You'd be a fool to let this go. This could open very many doors for you…"

It could. It most certainly would. And she would be in a place where her idol had studied. She could even maybe get a job _there_.

But Loki. How could she leave Loki?

She looked down at the paper and dreams of Oxford and England began to dance in her mind…

But how could she not?


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

Immediately after Jane had finished talking to Dr. Feldman she went to see her uncle in his office. She didn't often visit; it was just easier that way. Then she didn't have guilt trips about not visiting, and she didn't have to hear him defend Lynn. This though, this opportunity to study abroad, she had to talk to him about it.

He was excited for her and knew she would not only get in the program, but told her he would pay for her to go. He offered to help her prepare what she needed, but Jane told him that Dr. Feldman would be helping her. Her uncle was so excited he hugged her and offered to take her out to dinner, just the two of them.

Jane agreed. How could she not? Time alone with her uncle was a rarity. She had to jump on it while she had the chance. She just prayed he didn't talk about Lynn.

He didn't. Instead he regaled her with stories of going abroad and then made her cry with mention of Aunt Carol. It wasn't often that Uncle Erik spoke about Aunt Carol. Not anymore. But now he spoke freely about her, talking about their adventures in the UK.

"Will you be okay, uncle Erik?" Jane asked as she wiped away her tears.

Uncle Erik pulled out a wad of napkins from the dispenser in the diner they were at and nodded. "I'm going to be just fine, Jane."

It just figured that just as things were getting better with her uncle, she might be on her way out of Boston.

xxxxxxxx

Loki, she knew, was working that evening, so she tracked down Gamora in the living room and asked if they could talk. Gamora shut the TV off and sat up straight.

"It's not often you ask to have a chat," Gamora said. "When you ask, I know it's serious."

"Dr.-Feldman-told-me-about-an-opportunity-to-study-abroad-and-I-want-to-try-for-it-but-I-also-don't-want-to-leave-Loki-but-how-can-I-give-up-this-opportunity-to-study-at-Oxford–and-my-uncle-Erik-is-going-to-pay-for-me-to-go." Jane said in a rush.

Gamora's eyes went wide. "Oh my God, Jane, that's amazing!"

Jane smiled thinly. "Thanks. I think so to, but…"

"Loki."

Jane nodded. "Things are going so well right now…"

"How long will you be gone?"

"A year."

"Oh. Well…long-distance relationship?"

"Dr. Feldman thinks I might be able to get a job out of this there if it goes well."

"Jesus Christ, Jane."

Jane nodded, her eyes welling up in tears. "I don't know what to do. I want to go. How could I not go? But how can I leave Loki?"

"You have to go, Jane," Gamora said softly. "You'd regret it and resent him one day if you didn't go. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. It can lead to so many great things…you have to go."

Jane burst into tears. "But I just now know what it's like to be in love and to let someone love me. Something like Loki and I are only once in a lifetime too, aren't they?"

Gamora got up and went over to Jane and hugged her. "You and Loki have been through a lot of shit, but I've no doubt that you can make it through this, too. He loves you, Jane. He'd do anything for you. Just talk to him about this and see what happens. Maybe there is something you two could work out. A job out there sounds great but nothing is set in stone, right? You might not even want it or get it, or whatever else could happen."

"I feel like all I do is hurt him," Jane said, discreetly wiping her nose on Gamora's shirt.

"Don't say that," Gamora said and patted her back.

Jane pulled away from her friend and wiped at her face. "I'm going to take a shower and wait for Loki to come home in his bedroom."

"Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Jane nodded, smiled wanly, and ran up to the second floor to shower and change and wait for Loki. She was dreading this with every single fiber of her being…

xxxxxxxx

Loki didn't expect Jane to be in his bed waiting for him when he got home. He'd worked late that night and as such, Jane was fast asleep under his covers. Not that he minded. Not at all. He loved it when Jane slept in his bed or he slept in hers. He didn't want to tell her and put any pressure on her, but he found it quite addicting to wrap himself around her when they slept.

After undressing down to his boxers, Loki climbed into the bed beside her and wrapped himself around her. He buried his nose in the crook of her neck and breathed deep. She smelled like raspberries and home.

She stirred and her voice cracked with sleep as she said, "Loki."

"The one and only. Thank God, right?"

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. There was sadness in her eyes, but before he could ask what was wrong, she kissed him and pressed herself against him. She was in her pajamas – yoga pants and a tank top. It wasn't often that Jane initiated contact, but on those rare occasions when she did, it was like a gift from the Gods. She pushed him onto his back and climbed over him. She straddled him, sat up and whipped off her tank top.

Loki was hard instantly. She bent over and kissed him again, passionately, taking his face in her hands. "Pants," he grunted. "Pants off."

She moved off him and hastily got rid of her pants and underpants. Loki shucked off his boxers. Jane climbed back on him, his cock hard and straining and she sank down slowly on him.

"How is it," he began as she began to move over him, "that no matter how many times I have you, I just want you more and more?"

She smiled against his lips. "I feel the same way."

His heart soared. Jane loved him. She _loved_ him. It him with such force every time she said it or did something particularly kind for him. He held her to him tighter, closer. He was never close enough. He was inside her and it still wasn't enough.

"Loki," she murmured on a sigh near his ear as she continued to move.

He suckled at her breast, running his tongue over her nipples. She moved back and kissed him again. "I love you, Loki," she whispered against his lips.

"I love you, Jane," he said and reached down with his hand to flick her clit. He was close and he wanted her to come with him.

She gasped and then moaned and began to move faster and faster. "Loki!" she cried out, her walls clamping down on him.

"Jane, yes, yes, Jane…." He held himself deeply inside her and came hard.

She buried her face in his neck and Loki was happy to just sit up and hold her like this. He ran his hand up and down her back, reveling in the feel of her soft skin under his hand.

"How was work?" she asked after a minute.

He chuckled. "Fine, thanks for asking."

She pulled back and looked down at him, that sadness back in her eyes. "Loki, you know how sorry I am for all the ways I've hurt you, right?"

He looked at her searchingly. He certainly hadn't been expecting that. "Uh, yes—"

"I know I haven't always made things easy. I know I've been stubborn and just plain stupid—"

"Hey, hey," he said gently and put his hand under her chin and made her look at him. "What's going on? Where is this coming from?" Her eyes welled up in tears and alarm bells went off in Loki's head. His hands tightened around her hips. "You're not breaking up with me, are you?"

She shook her head.

"Jane, what the fuck is going on?"

"Dr. Feldman stopped me after class this afternoon. He told me about an opportunity to study abroad – at Oxford. Oxford, Loki. Where Stephen fucking Hawking studied—"

"I know where he studied, Jane," Loki said impatiently. "For how long?"

"A year. He wants me to take it. He think I'll make it in the program."

"Of course you will," Loki said.

"I went to see my uncle Erik about it and he said he'd paid for me to. It could even lead to a job there…"

"In Oxford?" Loki whispered.

She nodded and then winced. "Loki, you're hurting me," she said and pushed his hands off her.

He thought, _I'm sorry_, but speech failed him. Jane was going to leave him? Jane was going to be a continent away?

"Say something," she begged.

He looked at her. Jane was his everything; she always had been. "No," he said. "No, I don't want you to go."

Her body stiffened. He could practically hear her stop breathing. "What?"

"I said no," he said. "I don't want you to go. If you expect me to be noble and say go, Jane, go because it's a great opportunity and you should do it, I won't. I want you to stay here. With me."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-one**

"So, I didn't hear a blow out or anything," Gamora said the next morning when Jane came down the for coffee before class. "Did you tell him?"

Jane nodded as she poured her coffee. "Yep, I told him."

"And?"

"Jane?" Loki called out from down the hall.

"I'm in the kitchen!" Jane called back. She looked at Gamora. "Don't say anything."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gamora asked.

"Just don't say anything."

Gamora looked at her funny but didn't say a word when Loki came into the kitchen. "I thought you left without me," he said to Jane.

Jane sipped her coffee. "Why would I do that?"

If he caught the pointed tone he ignored it. He kissed her quickly instead and hummed. "Mmmm, you taste like coffee. Good morning, Gamora."

"Good morning," Gamora said slowly, watching them closely.

Loki poured his coffee, took a couple sips, and then kissed Jane's cheek. "Let me grab my stuff and we can go."

"Of course," Jane said and watched him go.

Gamora poked her head down the hall and when she was sure Loki was out of earshot, she looked at Jane and hissed, "What the fuck is going on?"

"I told him."

"And?"

"He told me he didn't want me to go."

Gamora stared at her. "…but then he said that it was a great opportunity that you couldn't pass up and you guys would work it out…?"

"Not even close."

Gamora's mouth hung open and then she shook her head. "And you said you were going to go no matter what…?"

Jane shook her head.

"What the fuck, Jane? What is happening? Have I walked into _The Twilight Zone_?"

"He is completely on board with thinking I could get a job at Oxford after college, but he wants to be able to come with me after we're both done with school—"

"You graduate before he does!"

"Gamora, please," Jane said, her voice trembling. "I am trying to keep it together right now."

"Keep it together? You should have ripped him a fucking new one!"

The sound of Loki's tread on the hardwood floors came down the hall and Jane turned away from Gamora and went to the table to grab her books off it, and her bookbag that hung off the chair.

It was a good thing Loki paid no attention to Gamora because if looks could have killed….

His focus was on Jane. And she felt that hyper focus like a tangible thing.

Like a noose wrapping around her neck.

He didn't stop talking on the way to school; he kissed her extra-long and hard before they split to attend class. Jane could barely look at Dr. Feldman in her class with him. All she could do was sit there and go over the night before. She could barely believe he had actually told her he didn't want her to go, and that if she did, did she realize that this would be the end of them? Then he'd said, "After all we've been through, Jane, to get here to this point; you want to toss it all away? Don't I make you happy? Aren't you happy now, finally?"

She had been so stunned by his reaction to her news – not that she'd expected him to do a jig – that she could barely even process it. This wasn't her Loki. Not the Loki that supported her and claimed to love her. This Loki didn't match up to the Loki that had gone to get the pictures of her aunt that Lynn had taken down. That Loki would have been sad to see her go but would have told her she had to go anyway.

What had happened to her Loki? Had her past behaviors caused this? _Yes_, she thought sadly, she had done this. She had made him not trust her and her affections. And just when they'd gotten into a good place, finally, she was telling him she wanted to go away. No wonder the poor guy was adamant she stay. How did she fix it? How did she prove to him that she loved him while also telling him she wanted to take this opportunity? And it wasn't just that she wanted to. She _had_ to.

When class was over, Dr. Feldman asked to speak with her and they went over the things she needed to apply for the program. She had this, pretty much, in the bag. She went along with all he said while simultaneously wondering if she could actually go.

Could she leave Loki? She loved him. She wanted to be with him. How could she leave him?

"Because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you'd be stupid not to do it," Gamora said, a bit heatedly, when she'd tracked Jane down after class. "You're doubting it because Loki has turned into some kind of possessive pod person and apparently you've turned into a pod person too because the Jane Foster I know would say 'Fuck you, I'm going'."

"I love him, Gamora."

"Love him in England. Go, weigh your options after you've finished the program and decide what you want to do. You and Loki can make this work, you can. There's Skype and maybe your uncle will pay to send you back for visits during the holidays…Jane, this is doable."

"You certainly make it sound as though it is."

"Because it is! If you stay…Jesus, Jane, if you stay and give this up do you know who you'll be like?"

Jane looked at her, puzzled. "Who?"

"Your uncle. The one person you don't want to be like at all. The one who gives up everything to make someone else happy."

That felt like a slap across the face. How had she not realized…?

Then and there Jane knew she had to go. Gamora was right. If she stayed she would be giving up something she really wanted and would forever wonder about. She would regret it and one day resent Loki. In a way, she already did resent him for pressuring her to stay – for practically commanding that she do so.

Her temper was sparked now.

And Loki was coming their way.

He had a big smile on his face that slowly receded the closer he got. When he was in front of Jane he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm going," she said, her voice trembling with nerves and anger. "I'm going to England."

His expression darkened and he shot a look at Gamora before focusing on Jane. He gripped her arm and steered her away. "I thought we talked about this last night," he said in a low voice.

"No, you talked. You did all the talking and I did the listening. You manipulated me; you made me feel bad for even considering leaving and threatened to break up with me if I went—"

"I didn't threaten anything, Jane," he hissed. "If you go, that's it. That's the end of us. We cannot survive a long distance relationship when you're on the other side of the planet!"

"How do you know we won't? We have to at least try—"

"We'll Skype? We'll email? Hope for a visit here and there? And if you end up working there after?"

"You could get a job there too—"

"And if I don't? You stay and what – we continue on with having a Skype relationship?"

"You're being an asshole," Gamora snapped as she came over to them. "Why are you doing this?" she demanded of Loki.

"Fuck off, Gamora, this doesn't concern you," Loki said.

"Oh you did _not_ just tell me to fuck off," Gamora seethed. "Who the hell do you think you are? You're being a giant asshole to your girlfriend whom you're supposed to love—"

"I do love her!" Loki shouted. "I love her and I want her to stay with me so I don't lose her! How does that make me the designated asshole?"

"Because you're trying to guilt her into staying and stopping her from pursuing her dreams!" Gamora shouted.

At this point, Jane started to cry. How had this spiraled so out of control? Why was Loki doing this? Even if she did stay now how could she be with him?

"What the fuck is going on over here?" Great. Thor.

"Loki is being an asshole," Gamora told him.

"Gamora is being a meddlesome bitch," Loki said through clenched teeth.

"Watch your mouth, Loki," Thor said warningly.

"Jane," Thor said and placed a hand on her arm. "You okay? What's going on?"

"Don't, don't you dare, don't you fucking touch her," Loki growled and shoved Thor's hand off Jane.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Thor demanded of his brother.

"It's no one's goddamn business what goes on between me and Jane," Loki hissed. He looked at Jane. "Can we talk about this alone, please?"

She looked at him and all she saw was the guy that tried to stop her from pursuing her dreams. That tried to hold her back. That had turned into someone she didn't recognize, and for whom she had almost become someone she never wanted to be. In that moment she didn't want to go with him even though part of her thought she should. She was afraid to, afraid he would convince her to stay and she would grow to hate him if he did.

"Jane?" he said urgently.

She shook her head. "No."

He reached for her and Thor pushed his hand away. "She said no, Loki."

Loki punched his brother and Thor swung back. "Thor no!" Jane shouted and Thor stood down, wiping at the blood that spurted out of his nose.

Loki shook his head and held up his hands. He pointed at Gamora. "I'll be out of the house today," he said.

"Good," Gamora snapped.

"Loki, where are you going to go?" Jane asked.

"What the fuck do you care as long as you get to do whatever the fuck you want as per usual," he said and stormed off.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-two**

To:LOdinson

From: JFoster

Subject: Where are you?

_Loki,_

_I have been trying to get in touch with you. Have you disappeared off the face of the planet? I can't even seem to find you on campus. Loki, we need to talk about this. Things got out of hand that day, I know it. It turned into a full out drama-fest. Please, let me know you're okay. _

_I love you, Loki. _

_Jane_

To:JFoster

From:LOdinson

Subject: Re: Where are you?

_I'm okay._

To: LOdinson

From:JFoster

Subject: Re: Re: Where are you?

_Seriously? That's it? That's all you have to say? I leave in two weeks. Can we talk?_

To:JFoster

From: LOdinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Where are you?

_Are you still going?_

To:LOdinson

From:JFoster

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Where are you?

_Yes, I am still going. _

To:JFoster

From:LOdinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Where are you?

_Then there is nothing for us to talk about. Either way, it's over. _

Jane sat back in her chair in her bedroom and tears spilled down her cheeks. She couldn't believe this was happening. That they would end this way – or at all. Perhaps it had been a pipe dream to think they could have sustained a long-distance relationship, but hadn't they owed it to each other to at least try?

"Jane? You okay?" Peggy was at her door.

Jane shook her head and gestured to the computer. Peggy came in and read the emails. "What the hell?" she muttered. "Is he just throwing one long goddamn temper tantrum or what? This is absolutely ridiculous."

Jane couldn't even speak anymore; all she could do was cry.

xxxxxxxx

On the day Jane left for Oxford, Loki finalized his registration at Boston University for the next semester. Thor sent him a text after he'd walked out of the Registrar's office that said: _She's gone._

Loki held himself together until he reached his car and then he let loose the agony of having lost Jane. He knew it was his own damn fault. He knew that he had fucked it all up, but he'd been able to push past his hurt and his fear and his pride to go to her and apologize. Stupidly he'd thought that if he stayed away long enough she would eventually tell him she wasn't going at all, that she had chosen to stay with him.

But she never did.

And now she was gone and his heart was shattered. He could say he had no one else but himself to blame, but that wasn't his way. He blamed Jane for leaving – for wanting to leave – for every slight she'd bestowed upon him in their past. This was just another wrong in a long line of Jane toying with him and his heart.

Well, forget her. Forget her and everything that had ever been between them. Never again would she, or any other woman, have power over him again.

xxxxxxxxx

**6 months later**

**Oxford University, England**

Jane poked her head up from the book she'd had her head buried in and grabbed her phone that was ringing nearby on her bed. "Hello?"

"Jane, it's Thor. I'm not sure if Loki called you or not…"

As always, when Loki was mentioned in an email or on the phone with her friends, her heart constricted in her chest and she felt a momentary pang of sadness followed by anger. "No, why would he have called me?"

"Because our mother has passed on and he said he would…fucking hell."

Jane's heart started to thud hard in her chest. "Your…mother? Frigga?"

Thor started to cry. "She was in a car accident two days ago. It didn't look good…"

"Oh my God," Jane whispered and her eyes welled up in tears for the woman she had always thought of as a second-third? mother. "He never called," she whispered.

"You've always been like a daughter to her, and part of our family, Jane. Father said he'll pay for you to come home and attend her funeral. Can you make it?"

"Of course," Jane said without even thinking about it. "I'll be on the first flight I can get out there."

xxxxxx

Thor met her at the airport and took her home. Erik was waiting for her despite the late hour. She felt as she did after her aunt had died – a little bit lost and as though everything was happening as though in a dream.

Frigga was dead. She could hardly believe it.

She went through the motions of getting ready for the funeral the following day as though in a fog. Erik was attending with her and when they arrived, everyone but Loki was inside the funeral parlor. He was dressed in black, his hair down his shoulders, long and sleek and straight, and he wore sunglasses. When he saw her, he froze. Jane stopped before him and after Erik paid his condolences and went inside, Jane stayed with Loki.

She had wanted to shout at him since she'd hung up with Thor two days before for not calling her to tell her that Frigga was in the hospital. It felt like a purposeful oversight and Jane had felt not only the sting of it, but the desire to rail at him for robbing her of the chance to say goodbye. Now though, she found she could say nothing except, "I'm sorry for your loss."

"So says everyone else," he said.

"People don't often know what to say when someone is gone," she said.

"She wasn't just 'someone', Jane. She was my mother, and she was like a mother to you. Have you forgotten that with all your time overseas?"

That did it. Jane smacked him across the face and she wondered if that's partly what he'd wanted. His glasses fell off revealing red-rimmed eyes, and he laughed darkly. "Well, well. You can take the girl out of Boston, but you can't take the Boston out of the girl."

"You were supposed to call me, you sonofabitch. You robbed me of the chance to say goodbye to her," she spat.

His brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

Jane's anger deflated. "Thor said you were to call me."

"No, he said he was going to – oh, bloody hell."

Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Forget it. It doesn't matter now."

"Jane, I'm sorry. I thought we'd agreed that he was going to…I'm sorry."

And she could tell he meant it. She waved a hand. "Forget it, it's fine."

"She hasn't been exactly conscious since the accident anyway…"

A sob escaped her and she broke down. "I'm so sorry, Loki."

He hugged her then, tightly. "Jane," he gasped and began to cry in her arms.

"I'm so sorry," was all she could say over and over and over again until Thor came out to collect them.

xxxxxxxxx

Jane never left Thor and Loki's sides during services. She even went with them to the cemetery. She stood between them, holding their hands tightly. When people started to leave and Thor joined them, Loki stayed behind. Jane stayed with him.

No matter what had been between them, the heartbreak, the anger – all of it – it didn't matter now. They sat by Frigga's grave and cried together. Loki buried himself in Jane's arms, sounding so broken and lost that Jane found she cried for him.

When it grew dark and the chill of the late fall night crept into their bones, Jane eased a broken Loki back to the church and to her car. Erik had gotten a ride home from Thor.

"Will you stay with me?" he asked her, sounding lost and desperate.

"Of course," she said. "Why don't we get something to eat?"

He nodded and she drove them to their favorite diner in the city. Mostly they ate in silence. Whatever had happened in the past between them didn't matter in this moment. All that mattered to Jane was making sure Loki was okay.

"What happens now?" she asked him as they sipped hot coffee after their dinner. "I mean with your Dad and stuff."

"Well, we sort of buried the hatchet a couple months ago. I got an apartment with Tony and I transferred to BU. My Mom was still helping me out where she could—"

"Whoa, whoa whoa," Jane said. "You transferred to BU?"

He nodded. "I put the plan in motion after you decided to go. I only went to MIT to be with you."

Well. That was not something Jane had expected. "I…see."

"I had been accepted to BU already so it was no problem to transfer. I didn't want to be anywhere that reminded me of you."

In her head she thought_, Jesus Christ, Loki_. Out loud she said nothing. She didn't know what to say. It was possibly the most romantic, and also equally the saddest thing she had ever heard.

"So, I've been working part-time and going to Sunday dinner to keep the peace and all that rot. Without…" His eyes welled up with tears. "Without my Mother as a buffer I have no idea what is going to happen."

"Loki, look, I know your Dad is an ass and he sucks, but just, I don't know, suck it up as best you can right now. I know it's hard, but…but you know, we're poor college kids that need some help. Make him do that."

Loki sighed. "I'm trying."

"So, I heard you and Gamora and Peggy made up…?"

Loki nodded. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

She blinked. "Uh, sure. I think Lynn and my uncle broke up but he hasn't said anything for some reason, but I can't really focus on that right now… you can sleep on the couch if that's okay?"

"Sure," he said and slid out of the booth. He dropped a few bills on the table and they left.

xxxxxxxxx

An hour later Loki was in her bedroom and inside her. Jane clutched at him as he pumped steadily inside her. She knew this was wrong. She knew this fixed nothing, but wasn't this a normal reaction after a death? To celebrate life?

"Jane," Loki gasped and buried his face in her neck. "God, I missed you…"

"I missed you, too," she whispered and then moaned.

"I need you, Jane," he muttered.

"I need you, too," she moaned and then reached her peak.

Loki came inside her seconds after and dropped like a stone on top of her. He rolled off of her and pulled her in close. "I really need you right now, Jane."

"I could tell," she said with a little smile. "I needed you, too."

"Will you stay with me?" he asked, running his hand through her hair.

She blinked. "Well, I—I leave tomorrow—"

"What?" His expression clouded over.

She froze. "What?"

"I want you to stay with me here, Jane. Here in Boston. I need you. I can't – I can't go through this without you. Please don't go back. Please."

"Loki, I can't – I can't stay here. I have to go back to England."

His head dropped back onto the pillow and he stared up at the ceiling. "This is not happening again."

"Loki, we can work something out—"

"No, I'm not doing this again. Jesus Christ, Jane, I need you right now more than ever and you're going back?"

"I don't have a choice, Loki!"

He got up out of the bed in a flurry of arms and legs and Jane could only watch with her mouth open as he hastily got dressed.

"Are you serious?" she demanded. "You're leaving?"

"Surely you're familiar with what leaving looks like, Jane. You do it so well."

"That is not fair—"

"What's not fair is loving you for as long as I did, for putting up with your attitude for as long as I did, and having you leave me not once, but twice! And now, when I just lost my mother and I need you!"

Jane all but fell out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her to stop him from going. "Loki, stop. I'm not leaving you. I'm still here for you—"

"I can't hold you while you're in England. I can't call you when I need you while you're in fucking England! I'd probably wake you up!"

"Loki, don't go, not like this."

He didn't answer. Instead, he stormed out of her bedroom, down the hall, the stairs, and slammed the door on his way out of the house.

"Jane?" Erik said from his bedroom doorway.

Jane, still wrapped in her sheet, didn't even bother to be mortified by having her uncle know what she and Loki had obviously been doing. Instead, she broke down.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-three**

**Spring 2004**

The sound of squealing could probably be heard all the way through Logan Airport. If the looks Gamora, Peggy, and Pepper were garnering any indication, Jane figured they would be happily escorted out of the airport as quickly as possible.

She was home. After finishing out her undergraduate program at Oxford, Jane went on to apply and then attend their Graduate Astrophysics program. She had been offered a job right out the gate. A job that she had turned down in favor of taking a job at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. She thought at first she could happily spend the rest of her life in England, but after a while she actually found herself missing home. She missed her friends and she missed her uncle (currently single and "taking a break from dating"). She also missed a Dunkin' Donuts and a packie on every street corner and greasy north end roast beef sandwiches.

"Jane!"

Jane looked up from the group hug she had been engaging in with her best friends and found Thor coming towards them. "Thor!" she exclaimed happily and ran to him, thinking how adult he looked. And hot. He looked very hot. That was actually an uncomfortable thought to have and she just chalked it up to not having seen him in a very long time and left it at that.

His blue eyes sparkled when he lifted her in his arms for a hug and then he set her on her feet and looked her over. "You look good, Jane. Very good."

She smiled almost shyly. "Thanks. So you do."

"Jane!" Gamora shouted. "Come and get your shit!"

Jane laughed and Thor followed them all to baggage claim.

xxxxxx

The next few days was a whirlwind of settling in back home with her uncle (temporary until she had enough money to move out), seeing Pepper's apartment with Tony, Gamora's apartment with Peter, and Peggy's new apartment where she lived ("blessedly") alone. Also, meeting with her employers and getting the "lay of the land", filling up on Dunkin' Donuts coffee and having a greasy roast beef sandwich with Thor.

"You know what hit me today while looking at Peter's 'music room' in his and Gamora's new apartment?" Jane asked just before she took a huge bit of her sandwich.

"What's that?" he asked, looking at her with a little smile on his face.

She swallowed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, prompting Thor to hand her a napkin, and chuckling while he did it. "We're all adults now. You've got this posh apartment and you're working with your Dad, Gamora's a psychologist – we've all got these jobs and apartments. Well, not me yet, but I will—"

"Loki is finishing up his degree in English Literature. He's been student teaching through Grad school. BU wants to hire him when he's done. I don't see him very often and I think he prefers it that way. He keeps his distance from me and from our father. Not that I can blame him much when it comes to our father."

Jane had her sandwich halfway to her mouth when Thor said this and she sat back, putting it down. "Well, that's one sure way to kill my appetite," she told him.

"Sooner or later he was going to come up. I just figured sooner would be better to get it out of the way," Thor said. He sounded apologetic.

"For the past four years I've referred to him as 'He-who-shall-not-be-named'. Now you went and named him."

"Not naming him – is that healthy?"

"Sure. I think of him as like, I don't know, Voldemort."

Thor barked out a laugh. "Evil then?"

"Definitely. So, okay, he's been mentioned. Moving on?" She picked up her sandwich and took a huge bite. She felt some of the juice dribble down her chin. She grabbed a wad of napkins just as Thor asked, "So, Jane, do you think you might consider going out on a date with me sometime?"

Jane froze, her mouth full of roast beef and bread and whatever the special sauce was. She said, "What?" and more juice dribbled out of her mouth.

Thor grabbed the napkins from her hand and wiped at her chin. "I feel like I'm out with a toddler," he said and Jane heard an undercurrent of nervousness in his voice.

She finished chewing her bite and then swallowed, chasing it down with her extra thick frappe and said, "What did you ask me?"

Thor finished wiping her chin and smiled at her. "Will you go out with me? On a date I mean. I'm not doing the sixth grade equivalent of asking you out—"

"Oh you mean where we see each other in the halls and maybe pass a note?"

"Yes, exactly," Thor said with a laugh. "Or maybe call you now and then."

"Well, if I remember correctly, in sixth grade you called me all the time."

"Yeah, to tell you to get your bum down to my house."

She laughed and nodded. "Yes, I do remember that quite clearly." She sat back and eyed him. "Did you really just ask me out on a date?"

He smiled. "I did."

"Why now?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, a puzzled look on his face.

"I mean, I had such a crush on you in high school and before…Voldemort. I waited and waited for you to notice me…"

"I did, Jane, but too late," he said quietly. "By the time I got my head out of my ass, you were with Loki."

Jane had not been expecting that at all. It made her think of that long ago conversation she'd had with Gamora, Pepper, and Peggy about fate and love stories and meant-to be's. Peggy and Gamora had been convinced that Loki was her meant to be in the love story of her life. Pepper and Jane had thought otherwise. And now it seemed Thor was proving that Jane and Pepper right. Maybe Thor was her meant-to-be after all. Maybe Loki had just been the heartbreak she'd had to go through…

"When I saw you again at the airport…you've always been beautiful, Jane, but you've grown positively blinding."

She blushed and shifted in her chair nervously.

"Being with you again is natural and easy just the way it was before but I feel something more between us."

He did? There was?

"So, yes, I am asking you out. Unless of course, there is someone back in England?" he asked, sounding a bit worried.

Jane shook her head. "No. No, there isn't anyone else. I haven't really dated much…um, do you think it'll be weird though? I mean with Loki…?"

"No, well…maybe at first. I plan to talk to him about it when I can actually get a hold of him, but he's uh…well, the thing is he's uh…"

"Spit it out, Thor."

"He's with Sigyn."

Jane felt that like a punch to her gut. She hadn't expected to feel that strongly about the news that Loki was dating someone. And with Sigyn of all people. She had thought she'd prepared herself for it, expected someone to tell her that he was with someone, but when no one had for the first few days she had thought maybe he wasn't…

"Jane? Are you all right?"

Jane nodded. "I am. I'm glad they found their way back to each other." Because of course they would. Sigyn and Loki had been meant to be all along.

Thor looked at her searchingly. "Do you mean that?"

Jane nodded. _No_, she thought. "Those two deserve each other." _That's not a lie at all either_. "So, yeah, let's go out then."

xxxxxx

There was a ringing in Loki's ears. All he could do was stare at his brother as he sat down at the kitchen table in his apartment. "What?" was all he managed to say.

"I said that Jane's come back," Thor said. "She's gotten a job at the Harvard-Smithsonian."

"Yes, I heard that part…"

"Right," Thor said with a nod. "Well, I asked her out. On a date."

"I know what it means to ask someone out, Thor," Loki snapped. "She's come back for good then?"

Thor nodded. "She has."

"How is she?" He hoped he sounded as though he had a casual interest and not at all like he had a desperate need to know. Which he did. Part of him wanted to go and find her right that second and see her, just feast his eyes on her, and the other part wanted her to stay far, far away from him. She was detrimental to his peace of mind.

"She's great. She's…grown up."

Loki made a face. "Christ, look at you. You're positively mooning over her."

Thor shrugged, looking sheepish. "There was a time when I thought I'd ask her out but you beat me to the punch."

"So you figured now that we loathe each other you'd swoop in? Isn't it a bit…sloppy seconds dating your brother's ex-girlfriend? Whatever would people think of Jane? What would father think with you dating your brother's cast-offs?"

"Don't talk about her like that," Thor said warningly. "I didn't come to ask you for your permission so much as let you know that I've asked Jane out and she's accepted."

The air left Loki's lungs. He felt he practically had to gasp for his next breath. Had Thor punched him and he'd missed it? It sure felt as though he had. "She said yes?"

"Yes," Thor said solemnly. "I would hope that perhaps you two could chalk up your past to just that – your past. You were kids then; you're adults now. You have new lives. For example, you have Sigyn now. Again."

Funny how Loki had completely forgotten about Sigyn the moment Jane had been mentioned.

"Yes, but of course you're right," Loki said. "You're always right though, Thor, aren't you?"

Thor sighed heavily as though Loki pained him. He probably did. "Just a heads up that father has invited her to family dinner on Sunday to welcome her home. If this is the dinner you were actually planning on attending, I wouldn't. I wish for you and Jane to bury the hatchet, but perhaps that is not the time."

"Family dinner with Jane, eh? Tell me, is this the first date then? Do you plan on making sure you have Father's approval to date her? Are you parading her grown up self off like a prized cow?"

Thor shook his head, looking clearly disgusted with his brother. "Good day, Loki," he said and stormed off.

Loki stared at the space Thor had occupied, his mind reeling. Jane was home. _Jane_. His Jane. He thought of Sigyn then – no, not his Jane. Jane wasn't his. Sigyn was his.

Loki picked up his phone off the table and dialed Sigyn. When she picked up he said, "Hello, darling, I was wondering – would you like to accompany me for family dinner on Sunday?"


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-four**

"Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell are you doing?" Gamora demanded when Jane told her a few days later about Thor asking her out. Peggy, Jane, and Gamora had gotten together at Gamora's apartment for dinner, and Jane had slipped in Thor asking her out after telling them how her orientation at the Harvard-Smithsonian went.

Jane hadn't expected Gamora to have such passionate response to the news. "What do you mean what am I doing?"

"You can't go out with your ex-boyfriends brother, Jane. That's like going out with your best friend's ex-boyfriend. It goes against a code that you just can't – oh my God."

Jane looked at her inquiringly. "What?"

"You're doing this to get back at Loki aren't you?"

"What? No, I – no. I can't – no."

Gamora nodded and pointed at her. "Yes, you are. You agreed to go out with Thor to hurt Loki for hurting you."

"That's absurd and wrong, and no," Jane said and slid out of her seat. She picked up her plate and brought it to the sink and placed it inside.

"You sure?" Peggy asked quietly.

"Yes, I'm sure," Jane said indignantly. "Loki…doesn't matter."

"How can you say that?" Gamora asked.

"What do you mean how can I say that? We broke up, remember? He dumped me when I went to England. He didn't even attempt to try and work anything out with me; he just fucking _ended it_ like I had betrayed him," Jane said vehemently.

"You're not over him," Peggy said.

Jane looked at her, eyes narrowed. "I'm over him, Peggy. How pathetic would it be that five years later I'm still hung up on that jackass? Our whole relationship was based on a fucking lie."

"What do you mean by that exactly?" Gamora demanded.

"He said he loved me, and that was a lie. If he loved me he would have supported my leaving, not have attempted to hold me back by threatening the end of our relationship. He didn't even attempt to work it out with me. He didn't even say goodbye. Our whole fucking relationship was a sham."

Gamora shook her head. "No, Jane. No. God, no. That boy loved you—"

"Boy? For fuck's sake, Gamora, you and Loki are a year apart you don't need to be calling him a boy. I know you're the designated mother of the group, but that's pushing it."

"Really, Jane? You're going to get on me for calling him a boy when you're setting out to hurt Thor and Loki and yourself by agreeing to go out with Thor?"

Jane held up a hand. "Just hold on a second. Just listen to me."

Gamora folded her arms across her chest. "I'm listening."

"Me too," Peggy chimed in.

"What if this is the story of how Thor and I end up together—"

"For the love of God, don't tell me you're going to spin you're what if this is a romantic comedy theory again," Gamora said warningly.

"Yes, I am! Although I think romantic comedy is pushing it. I was thinking more like a Nicholas Sparks novel."

Peggy shook her head. "No. I think that's almost asking for too much melodrama. I also feel like one of you should be dying of a terminal illness for it to be that…"

"You're right," Jane said with a nod. "So maybe a romantic comedy with those awkwardly weird dramatic moments where you think – I thought this was a comedy why do I feel like killing myself?"

"Exactly," Peggy said.

"Can we please get back to the matter at hand?" Peggy exclaimed. "Like why you've agreed to go out with Thor?"

Jane looked at her friend. "Because I want to. Because I want to see what could happen. Because I carried a torch for him for years and now I have my chance to see what could be."

"Exactly. You carried a torch and Loki knew all about it. He lived in Thor's shadow while you pined away for Thor for years! What better way to get back at him now than by going out with the guy you had once preferred over Loki!"

"When did you become an expert on Loki?" Jane demanded.

"When I would give him advice on how to get you."

Jane gaped at her. "What?"

"You'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to know how that bo—how he felt about you. I could see it right away and I said something to him."

"Of course you did," Jane muttered. "Because you're Gamora and that's what you do."

"Loki loved you so much, Jane, if you were having a heart attack in front of him he would have ripped his own out to give to you."

"Unless of course that heart was going to England," Jane said pointedly. "Then that heart came with some conditions. No pun intended."

"Jane, he loved you. He did. He has abandonment issues – his father kicks him out after Thor drinks himself into needing his stomach pumped and his mother, lovely as she was, couldn't stand up to Odin and demand that Loki not be sent away? Loki's answer is to hang on as tightly as he can when he feels he's being abandoned. Yours is to not let anyone close enough so they can't hurt you. You both—"

"You can psychoanalyze Loki all you want, but don't you dare put me on the couch. I can't believe you were helping him 'get me' and you didn't even tell me!"

"Just, please – if any part of the reason you said yes to Thor was to get back at Loki and hurt him because he hurt you, I beg you to reconsider."

Jane looked away from her friend. "Then there's nothing to reconsider."

"I wish I believed you."

Jane went to the table and grabbed her purse. "I need to go."

"I love you, Jane. I just want you to be happy and honest with yourself and how you feel about Loki. He was your first love—"

"And it's over. When the day comes that I see Loki again I will treat him with all the cool indifference I would treat anyone that used to part of my life but is no longer. What happened is in the past and besides, he's with Sigyn again. So even though you don't want to believe in the romantic comedy slash drama theory, the formula is there. Sigyn and Loki, me and Thor."

Gamora said nothing, but she didn't have to. Jane could see and feel her disappointment and worry. And she wanted no part of it. So, she left.

xxxxxxxxx

"I feel a little weird," Jane told Thor once they'd arrived at the Odinson household for Sunday dinner. When Thor had told her that Odin had wanted to see her and invited her to dinner, Jane had thought it was a little odd. Frigga had always been the one that reached out to Jane. Odin had never had much to do with her.

"Don't," Thor said and got out of the car. He jogged around to her side and opened the door for her. "He's trying. Mother's death softened him in some ways."

Jane wasn't sure about that, but she supposed she'd see. She smoothed out the sundress she was wearing on the warm spring day and looked up at Thor with a shy smile. "You look very handsome by the way," she said.

He did, too. He was wearing jeans and blue button down that brought out his eyes. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and he had some scruff growing in. He looked ruggedly handsome.

He grinned down at her and took her hands in his. "You look beau—wait, you do know that this is not the date? Cause that would be weird and awkward."

She laughed. "Yeah, I know this isn't—"

She broke off when a sleek black Nissan pulled up behind Thor's car in front of the Odinson house. Loki. She knew it was Loki. Her heart started to pound in her chest and she felt as though the world had tilted on its axis. She felt as though she was in the middle of a dream she couldn't get out of.

Jane saw Sigyn first. Dressed in low rise jeans and some vintage-looking top with her hair piled up on her head looking all perfect and regal, Sigyn looked perfect and Jane hated her. She heard Loki get out and she looked away. She wasn't ready for this; not prepared at all.

"What are you doing here?" Thor asked Loki.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? I'm here for dinner same as you," Loki drawled.

Jane stiffened at the sound of his voice. This wasn't happening. He wasn't having this effect on her. He couldn't be.

"Is that our Jane?" she heard him say.

_Smile, Foster_, she told herself and forced herself to look at him and smile. "Hello, Loki. It's so good to see you." She was not prepared for how good – fucking devastatingly _good _– he looked. His hair was still on the longish side, and he was wearing suit pants and a white button down with a green and white-checkered scarf. She might have imagined how his sardonic smile wavered at the sight of her. His lips parted and it took him a few seconds to reply to her. "Hello, Jane," he said. "How are you?"

"I'm well, thanks. Hello, Sigyn," Jane said. Might as well go for broke and show the both how unbothered she was by all this. Because she was.

Sigyn's smile was strained. "Hey, Jane."

"Long time no see," Jane said. "I love your outfit."

Sigyn nodded and glanced at Loki. "Thanks."

Thor squeezed Jane's hands. "Shall we go inside?"

"Yes, of course," Jane said. "Let me just get the dessert out of your back seat."

Once Jane had grabbed the pie she'd brought for dessert, they all trudged up to the house, Thor leading the way with Jane behind him and Loki behind her. She might have been imagining the feeling of Loki's eyes boring into the back of her.

Odin came to the door and they were all ushered inside. He hugged Jane, took her dessert and escorted everyone out to the back deck where he had some light snacks set up. Jane grabbed a shrimp just to have something to do. She tasted nothing. While Odin got them drinks, Loki, Sigyn and Thor stayed outside.

Jane glanced Loki's way and found it jarring that he was watching her. Sigyn was watching him. Jane decided her best bet was to talk to Sigyn. "So, Sigyn, what are you doing now?" she asked the other girl cheerfully.

"I'm teaching preschool," Sigyn replied and came to stand beside Loki. She slipped a hand through his arm. "What are you doing now?"

"I just got a job at the Harvard-Smithsonian," Jane told her.

"I don't know what that means."

"That means Jane gets to study her stars and probably come up with new and exciting theories about them," Loki said.

Jane nodded, barely looking at Loki. "That's right. So, Loki, Thor tells me that you're in your last year of grad school and doing student teaching."

"Yes, that's right," Loki said. "I'll be ready to move into a position as soon as I'm done."

"Fantastic," Jane said. Her face hurt from smiling so much. She felt a headache coming on. She grabbed more shrimp, choked down a couple, and then excused herself to the bathroom just as Odin was coming out with the drinks.

Once in the bathroom, Jane wet her hands and placed them at the back of her neck to cool off. She focused on her breathing the way one of her yogi friends in England had taught her to do. She could do this. Cool indifference, she told herself and then exited the bathroom to head back to what was sure to be the longest Sunday family dinner of her life.

**A/N:**

I was left quite a mean-spirited "review" last night by "Shay". I have deleted it because I found it particularly nasty. First, I would like to say to Shay that I do not believe you "hated" to say how much you disliked the story and would not be reading it any longer. I think you enjoyed telling me how awful you think the story is because otherwise you would have signed in and given me some way to at least discuss it with you. By not signing in and just leaving "Shay", I can only deduce that it gave you some kind of thrill to tell me how awful the story is and how terrible my characters are.

I'd also like to say that an authors job is not only to entertain. A writer has a story inside of them to tell and so they feel impelled to tell it and hope that they reach someone or several someone's with what they write. Writing just to make a reader happy is not being true to the writer's vision. I can only surmise from your major complaints that you're looking for sunshine and lollipops. That's not my thing. You said: "I hate it when authors jerk their readers around with misunderstandings, contrivances, lack of meaningful conversation and characters generally being awful human beings for no good reason, and to me this story just smacks of all this in a huge way."

I'm not sure what you've been reading, but I have addressed quite a few character motivations throughout the story, and there are still more to be addressed. It's not my fault if you didn't catch those moments, and it's not also my fault if you're looking for characters that have no flaws. That's not how I write. I have no interest in perfect characters who say and do everything the right way. I am interested in flawed characters who are trying to figure their shit out.

If I may give you some advice, Shay: There is seat for every ass, and if you don't like the seat you're in quietly move on and find another. Your review was not helpful. It was cruel, but I suspect you knew that already.


	35. Chapter 35

**Hello, all! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the support. I really appreciated hearing from all of you who are reading this story. Thank you for your kind words. Inti - I am not sure how much longer this fic is going to be. I never know how many chapters a story will be. I just kind of go where they go and they let me know when their story has been told and it's time to end. There is a lot coming up yet...it's going to be a bumpy ride...lol**

**Chapter Thirty-five**

Jane wasn't sure how the dinner was going. She wasn't even sure about the words coming out of her mouth – and Odin wouldn't stop asking questions. She was so focused on _not_ focusing on Loki and Sigyn and with pretending to be okay with everything that she felt as though she was having an out of body experience. All she wanted to do was get the hell out of there. And also rip Sigyn's arm off and club her with it. Was it necessary to hang all over Loki? Jane got it. They were together; there was no reason to broadcast it.

She'd known that eventually she and Loki would cross paths. She just hadn't been prepared for it to be so soon and with Sigyn right-fucking-there.

"So, Jane, do you think you'll ever return to England one day or have you had enough?" Odin asked over dessert.

"I'll probably return to visit on occasion," she said. "I have some friends out there still that I plan to keep in touch with. That gives me a good reason to go back."

"I am impressed and quite proud of what you've accomplished, Jane. I've no doubt that Frigga, if she was here, would express the same."

"Thank you, sir," Jane said with a smile. A moment of silence followed and Jane allowed herself to relax enough to feel the bite of Frigga's absence. It was odd to think, but Frigga not being there was so tangible it was like a presence in the room. Without Frigga, Odin _had_ softened, but he was still not the guy that it was all of a sudden cool to hang out with and ask advice from. Jane didn't think Odin was completely going through the motions of being a nice person by having her over and asking about her life, but she didn't get the sense that he had any kind of real interest in what she was pursuing either.

Jane shoveled in the last bite of blueberry pie and wondered how much longer they had to sit there before she and Thor could leave. She glanced over at Loki who sat across from her and found him looking at her. Her gaze skittered to Sigyn who was, of course, watching Loki.

"Well, if you all don't mind, I think Jane and I are going to take ourselves off now," Thor said as he got to his feet.

"Big date?" Loki asked.

Jane stiffened. So, Thor must have talked to Loki already about that then. She wanted to look at him, but she couldn't look at him. She hadn't been able to look him in the face the whole time. Just being in his presence was enough to cause a riot of emotions in her so looking at him, _really_ looking at him, would probably send her over the edge.

"Just a movie," Thor said just as Jane stood and collected her dishes.

"What movie?" Loki asked.

He was toying with them. He knew they wanted to escape; he probably knew how much Jane absolutely hated this and he was deliberately messing with them. Thankfully, Jane had actually looked at the movie line up online earlier that afternoon out of curiosity and said, "_Mean Girls_," before she hurried off to the kitchen with Thor following right behind.

xxxxxxxxx

Loki had to force himself not to turn around and watch Jane leave. It was bad enough he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off her during dinner. She had barely even looked at him, always with her eyes averted somewhere else.

He'd been so in tune to her that every time she so much as moved in her seat he'd been aware of it. He felt a thrumming ache where his heart used to be.

He wanted her.

He wanted her and his girlfriend was sitting right next to him.

He wanted her and he hated her for it.

What was wrong with him? Was it just because he hadn't seen her in so long? Christ. It was as if he was a recovered drug addict in a roomful of people that were using and he was expected to have no reaction, to not want just a taste, a hit…

He knew from the moment he laid eyes on her again that he probably should have heeded Thor's warning and stayed away. He'd always thought that if he had come in contact with Jane again he would be in complete control. He'd be cool and indifferent. He wouldn't let on that she'd ripped his heart from his chest and left him a husk of a man.

He'd even entertained ideas of making her want him and then discarding her. Except now, of course, she had her precious Thor, didn't she? Had she even given some thought to how he might feel upon learning she'd agreed to go on a date with his brother? Or had she just seen the years she'd spent pining for him finally coming to fruition? It was him she'd always wanted. It was Thor who never had to do any work to win her heart when Loki had turned himself inside out to obtain. She probably would have never left _him_ if he'd asked her to stay.

It made his blood boil to think of it. To think of Thor and Jane together. To think of Thor touching her in all the ways Loki had. To think of her touching Thor in ways she had touched Loki.

"Loki, why don't we head out too?" Sigyn said from beside him.

She placed a hand on his arm and Loki felt like pulling it away. He had to get control of himself. Jane was no longer his…Had she ever been though in all honesty? Or was he just some guy she fancied herself in love with him while waiting for bloody Thor to get his head out of his arse?

His father was up, helping the servants clear the table. Loki pushed away from the table and stood. "Yes, we probably should go."

Sigyn just looked up at him, looking about to cry.

"What is it?" Loki asked her.

"You knew she was going to be here today," Sigyn said accusingly. "That's why you wanted to come. You just couldn't help yourself; you had to see her."

"Can we not talk about this right this second?" Loki said quietly and nodded to the open screen door.

"Well, you're not denying it," Sigyn said and got up, snatching her purse off the table. The threat of tears was gone now and in their place was angry woman. Anger was something Loki could deal with. He preferred that over tears and melodramatic scenes that Sigyn was often fond of when he wasn't "being attentive and affectionate".

Loki grabbed her arm before she walked into the house and pulled her to him. In a show of affection that she so enjoyed, Loki kissed her softly and said, "I had to see her to put it all behind me. And now it is." _No, it's not._

"Do you promise?" Sigyn asked.

"Yes." _No._

Temporarily placated, Sigyn kissed him passionately and then smirked. She thought she'd turned him on. She hadn't. Jane was back and just like that she was all Loki wanted.

xxxxxxxx

"Well that went better than expected," Thor said as he drove he and Jane to a local restaurant and bar to get a drink per her request. He glanced at her. "You think?"

"I guess," Jane said. She was trying not to cry. How was this possible? How was she feeling this gutted after seeing him? It had been five years! She should not being feeling so wrecked.

"Jane, you're not okay."

"I am," she said quickly.

"You're lying."

"It was just a…shock. I hadn't expected him to be there and then he was. You know living in England for the past five years it was easier to move on somehow. I wasn't here. I wasn't running in the same crowd as him, obviously, so now I am back and I just wasn't prepared for it. I don't know why since it was your Dad's house…"

"Jane, do you…do you still love him?"

"No, I don't," she said. She thought perhaps she said that too fast. She sighed. "I never got closure. That's what it is. I never got to say the things I wanted to say. It just ended and that was it."

"Do you think it'd help if you got that closure?"

"I don't know, maybe?" _But I am afraid to be alone with him,_ she thought. She couldn't exactly say why she was afraid to be alone with him except that part of her felt if she was alone with him, those old feelings would resurface. She felt overwhelmed already, what would it be like to be alone and one-on-one with Loki? She felt that it would probably bring up a lot of shit for both of them. She also thought it could get volatile. Maybe in order for them to move past it, it had to?

_There's nothing for him to get over though_, she thought. _He's moved on. I'm the one that's stuck. _

She didn't want to deal with what she felt; she just wanted the feelings to go the fuck away. For the millionth time in her short life she wished she didn't have feelings, wished she wasn't human so she didn't have to deal with them at all.

"I am all for whatever will make you feel better," Thor said. "And whatever will help you gain the closure that you need. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Jane looked at him, at the man that had once been her very best friend and the object of her affections for so long. She just wanted so badly to be on the same page as he was after she had waited for so fucking long for Thor to catch up. Then she'd gone and fallen in love with Loki and had practically forgotten that she'd ever felt that way for Thor. Loki had consumed her. And he was still consuming her.

It had to end.

Jane leaned over and kissed Thor, hard and quick. She pulled back and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That wasn't right of me to do that when we're sitting here talking about Loki."

"Don't be sorry," he said softly. "Did you feel anything?"

Not really, but she wanted to. Could that be the same thing? What was the saying – fake it till you make it? She looked at Thor, at how classically handsome he was – at least to her. Those blue eyes that ready smile, his deep voice and gentle demeanor. She'd fallen victim to his charm and good looks before and she could do it again. "Yes," she whispered, even though it was a lie. "I did."

Hope bloomed on his face and he leaned back in to her. "Shall we try again then? Perhaps if we just focus on us…?"

She nodded and brooked the distance between them and kissed him again. He was a good kisser.

"Perhaps we should get that drink," Thor muttered against her lips. "And then see where the night takes us?"

Jane placed her hands on his shoulders and whispered, "Yes."


	36. Chapter 36

**Okay, so this chapter took a while and many revisions to finally get it to the point that I didn't completely hate it. Hope you like! **

**Chapter Thirty-six **

It was a good thing Jane had a job to go to. It occupied her time and her thoughts. It was during those hours that she didn't think about Loki. Or what she was doing with Thor, possibly to Thor, by apparently going from just a date on the horizon to being his full-fledged girlfriend after having sex with him that night after "The Dinner".

She feared telling Gamora and Peggy what she'd done so she avoided them for a good week until they all but demanded to see her. They went to a bar, per Jane's request. If she was going to fuck up her life she might as well be half in the bag while doing it. Maybe then she'd have an excuse.

When she told Peggy and Gamora about "The Dinner" and then came clean about what happened afterwards, Gamora grew silent and just sat back in the booth they were sitting in and studied her. Peggy made like a guppy and then finally came out with, "So, how was it?"

Jane blinked. "How was what?"

"The sex with Thor."

Gamora leaned forward. "Okay, I admit it. I even want to know the answer to that one."

Jane blushed. "He knows what he's doing."

Gamora laughed. "I should hope so. Dude got a lot of pussy—" She broke off at the look on Jane's face. "You know what; let's not go down that road."

"How is he compared to Loki?" Peggy asked.

"Jesus, Peggy," Jane muttered.

"Answer the question, Jane," Gamora said.

"I don't want to answer that, and I don't want to talk about Loki," Jane said firmly.

Conversation shifted to other topics until they all parted for the night and Gamora said, "Jane, I want you to be happy, but I am worried about you. I know you don't like to deal with anything that makes you feel too much and Loki is definitely one of those things that make you feel too much. I'm just afraid that you're going to end up seriously hurt if you keep going down this path. Sooner or later you and Loki are going to have to have a confrontation. Hopefully sooner rather than later so you can decide if being with Thor is what you really want."

"You talk like Loki is an option," Jane said. "He's not. He's with Sigyn and he's the asshole that ripped my heart out and made our entire relationship a sham. I am going to make things with Thor work."

"It's been a week."

"A lot can happen in a week."

"Like using Thor to get back at Loki?"

"Gamora, don't take this the wrong way, but shut the fuck up."

Gamora sighed. "I deserved that, I'm sorry. Just…be careful."

"Aren't I always?"

xxxxxxxx

Loki had a serious problem. He couldn't concentrate on anything. He was taking a summer class to hopefully cut his last year of Grad school by half and he found his thoughts drifting in class. To, as ever, Jane.

His problem didn't stop there.

He kept remembering things about her. Like how her skin felt under his hands. How her hair smelled. The coquettish smile she would get when they were about to have sex. The sound of her moans and screams. The little whimpers in the back of her throat. Her laugh. The tone of her voice when she teased him. The way her hair felt between his fingers. How it felt being inside her...

She was driving him mad and she wasn't even present in his life. And it was affecting his relationship with Sigyn. Not that their relationship had been particularly spectacular to begin with - at least not in his eyes.

Sigyn had come back into his life at a time when he had been angry at the world. He'd had to make apologies for his past behavior in dumping her, essentially, for Jane. He didn't feel sorry at all. In fact, the angrier he got, the less he cared what other people felt or thought. Sigyn, to him, was someone that was close enough in personality to kind of get him. She allowed his dark moods and really, that's all he wanted. Just someone to put up with him. She didn't challenge him, didn't argue with him, she just let him be and he went with it.

Even if there were times he was bored to tears.

He felt no desire to look for someone else. He hadn't even been looking for Sigyn. She'd just appeared one day in some store that he didn't even remember being in and it just went from there. That was fine for him. He hadn't wanted to be alone with his thoughts and himself very much anymore and needed some outlet. Sigyn was that outlet.

And now Jane was back and she'd disrupted everything.

Now, in addition to just knowing she was around, there was the matter of Thor.

Thor, who was now standing before him, telling him about an apartment he'd seen in the newspaper that would be perfect for two if Loki was interested in looking for he and Sigyn. Live with Sigyn? Was Thor fucking kidding? Sure they had been together now a couple years but he was not even remotely at that place. She was, but he wasn't.

"I'm looking for an apartment for one," Loki told him, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned against the kitchen sink. "Not two."

"What does Sigyn want?"

"I don't care what Sigyn wants. I only care about what I want," Loki said with a bit of a snap.

Thor sighed. "I came to help, Loki. You don't have to bite my head off."

"Why don't you concern yourself with Jane and stay out of my personal affairs."

"Fine then. I won't wish my little brother to be happy since it's clear he has no wish to be."

"Brilliant," Loki said. "Tell me, where is this outporing of good will coming from? You never cared before. Are things going so well with Jane that you've decided to spread your happiness like a disease?"

Thor's face reddened and he cleared his throat and said, "Things are going quite well actually. Thank you for asking."

Loki knew it then: Thor and Jane were sleeping together. He felt it like a punch to his gut. Now it was Thor's hands on Jane he saw. The coquettish smile Jane would get was being given to Thor. Her smile, her laugh, the scent of her hair, the sounds of her screams and whimpers and moans all for Thor.

"You do remember that I was there first, right?" Loki said evenly.

"Excuse me?"

Loki looked at his brother squarely in the face. "I said, I was there first. She might have held a torch for you when we were kids, but I was the one she was in love with. I was the one that shared her bed."

"And you tossed it away."

"You're not going to make her happy," Loki said matter-of-factly. "You'll bore her to death."

"Loki, no offense, but I'm not in the business of taking advice from you. She left for fucking England to get away from you."

That did it. Loki lunged at him and punched his brother in the face. Thor swayed to the side and grunted. When he righted himself, he glared at Loki. "I'm not going to fight you."

"Well that's a relief especially since the comment you made was intentionally cruel and untrue. Jane left to pursue an opportunity to study at the place her beloved Stephen Hawking studied, not to leave me."

"Well, look at that. For once you made Jane leaving about what she wanted to do to better herself rather than make it about you. It took getting punched in the process, but it was worth it. Tell me something – do you want her back, Loki?"

He wanted to destroy her as she'd destroyed him, that's what he wanted. "No."

"Good. Then we have no problem. You've moved on with Sigyn – theoretically – and Jane has moved on with me. Have you ever thought that maybe I'm the one she's supposed to end up with?"

"Get out," Loki said softly, dangerously.

"What?"

"Get out before I kill you," Loki said and looked at his brother. His brother that typically annoyed the hell out of him but right now wanted to maim in the worse bloody way.

"Loki—"

"GET OUT!" Loki shouted and started for his brother. He was going to rip him apart limb by limb if he had to.

Thor held up his hands. "I'm going, I'm going, Jesus!"

Loki stood there in the middle of the kitchen, unable to move. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think...

This madness had to end.

xxxxxxxx

"Excuse me, miss, can you tell me where the books are on women who agree to date their ex's brother and then fuck them?"

Jane slid the David Sedaris book back onto the shelf and turned to face Loki. So much for a relaxing night at the bookstore. "I believe they're right next to the books on assholes who expect their girlfriends to give up everything for them, which is also right next to the section on assholes who don't support their girlfriends, which is _also_ right next to the section on assholes who throw temper tantrums like big babies when they don't get their way."

Loki arched a brow. "Feel better?"

"Almost."

"Do you suppose we should talk?"

Jane rocked back and forth on her heels and said, "The better question is do I want to, and the answer is _no_."

Loki pushed away from the bookcase he was leaning against and faced her more fully. "Let's go. Let's get this out once and for all."

Jane folded her arms across her chest and arched a brow. "You know, Loki, from what I saw at Sunday dinner a couple weeks ago, Sigyn pretty much leapt up to do your bidding and so I think you've grown accustomed to that kind of behavior. You may have forgotten I don't take orders from you."

"Fine then," he said. "We can do this right here."

"You're a fucking asshole," she spat.

"I see we're starting already."

"I don't think there's any way for me to adequately express how much I loathe you for what you did."

"What I did? Oh, that's rich," Loki snarled. "Not only did you make me chase you for years because you're emotionally stunted—"

"_I'm_ emotionally stunted? You—"

"But then you treated me like your goddamn whipping boy by deciding to up and leave the fucking country—"

"Which I tried to discuss with you, but you wouldn't even attempt to talk it out with me. Instead you told me that if I left we'd be over which was really just a manipulation to get me to stay."

"One talk with Gamora and Thor though and you didn't even care to hear what I had to say or consider my feelings or what I wanted. As always it was all about what Jane wanted. It was always about you in our relationship, nothing for me."

"It's not my fault you're fucking needy—"

"And it's not my fault you're a selfish bitch."

Jane stepped back as though he'd slapped her and though she felt the sting of tears in her eyes, she refused to give in to them. She had no argument for that for she was well aware of the times in their checkered history that she was not always so kind and had been quite selfish. She felt his words cut through her the way Sigyn's words had cut once before when the other girl had called her out on the same behavior. Despite the fact that she knew Loki was completely in the wrong for trying to stop her from going to England, Jane often wondered if it was her treatment of him that had prompted him to react that way.

Loki stepped closer to her, crowding her. "You asked for this the second you agreed to go out with Thor. And then you went and fucked him. Oh, you didn't know I knew about that. You managed to make the great and mighty Thor blush. I figured it out. What does it say about a woman who will act the whore—"

Jane slapped him, eyes blazing with fury. She could take him calling her a selfish bitch. She couldn't take him calling her a whore. Loki's head snapped to the side and he turned back to glare at her.

"Uh, guys? We're gonna need you to move this along outside."

Jane looked at the poor guy that had been sent to kick them out of the bookstore. "Yeah, we're done here," she said and stormed off past Loki.

She heard Loki say her name, but she ignored him and kept going. She just couldn't go another round with him. She wasn't even sure how she was standing after that one. She was shaking from her argument with Loki, actually physically shaking. Once she got outside, she tried in vain to hold in the tears that desperately wanted to fall. It wasn't until she rounded the corner that she let loose.


End file.
